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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

563 replies

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:36

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend

AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ?

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

OP posts:
Hesma · 16/04/2024 20:17

Your kids are not young, they will be fine. If you don’t want to go then don’t but there’s not need to be shitty about it.

Shan5474 · 16/04/2024 20:20

I’m not sure why it being a bank holiday is that relevant if everyone can cope without you and you don’t have specific plans. You’re making it sound like she’s asked about Christmas Day.

Probably don’t mention your family if you give her a reason when you say no. She clearly doesn’t have any plans with her family (and might be feeling lonely or sad about that) and would like to spend some time away with her friend. She hasn’t done anything wrong in asking and obviously hasn’t anticipated that you’d think it’s unreasonable

Downinloco · 16/04/2024 20:21

I cannot believe you are offended by someone aaking this. Your reaction is very odd. Is this thread real?

theholesinmyapologies · 16/04/2024 20:23

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

Of course you could; they're 12, 14 and 15, not 2, 4 and 5. You'll be lucky if they get up in the mornings at those ages anyway!

Personally, if i could afford it and my husband was home, I'd consider going and having a break with a friend.

Epidote · 16/04/2024 20:23

She is not unreasonable asking you. You are not unreasonable not wanting to go.
You are unreasonable thinking that she is unreasonable making you that offer.
Plenty of people with kids like yours go on friends holidays and they enjoy the time.

StarbucksQueen1 · 16/04/2024 20:25

Sounds fun.. what’s your issue?!

Mnk711 · 16/04/2024 20:27

YABU to blame your friend for not realising you hold quite frankly odd views about bank holidays. Absolutely fine fo feel you'd rather prioritise family time but why on earth would you assume friend would know that without asking, and also why on earth would you be offended by a kind invitation? Just say no.

SabreIsMyFave · 16/04/2024 20:28

@Bigbusheyeyebrows

YABU. A MAN wouldn't think twice about popping off for a weekend with his mate(s.) Your kids are not toddlers. (And even if they were you should still go, because as I said, any MAN would!)

AngelQuartz · 16/04/2024 20:30

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 18:17

@whatsitcalledwhen I don't know ! It just doesn't sit right with me that it's a bank holiday weekend. It just feels selfish. But from what everyone is saying, it's not selfish at all.

Which bank holiday?

Early May?
Late May?
August?

If you don’t want to then just say no. You’re being extremely weird about this.

Rainraindontgoaway · 16/04/2024 20:31

Your reaction is odd, why can’t a simple “not free that weekend” be enough? Why are you turning this in to is my friend being unreasonable … very odd

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 16/04/2024 20:33

Why are you so irked, OP? I mean, you've started a thread about it and you're clearly annoyed by your friend for asking you. Are you in two minds?

Perhaps your family wouldn't mind your going? If you think you might like to go then why not ask them?

If it's not what you want to do then just politely decline. No big deal either way.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 16/04/2024 20:35

Your children are teenagers. How much looking after do they need?

If you don't want to go, don't go.

But no, your friend is not being unreasonable to think that your husband and three secondary school age children will be able to survive without you for the weekend and that you might like to go away with a friend.

I have a three year old and a one year old and I will be leaving them both in the very capable hands of their father for a full week three times in the next 9 months.

PassingStranger · 16/04/2024 20:36

Whatwillitbenext · 16/04/2024 17:37

🤣🤣 you're weird. Just say no thanks. Personally if it was a one off I'd love that! Hope she has some nicer friends than you.

Exactly this. Just say no if you don't want to go instead of trying to shame her.

HaggisBurger · 16/04/2024 20:37

Does it not sit right with you @Bigbusheyeyebrows 😂😂?.

I mean utterly bizarre response to a non obligatory suggestion but you do you babe.

You seem like you have some odd one-up manship over your friend because she’s single and you’ve got a PARTNER.

Her kids aren’t that much older than yours if they are nearly adults so not sure what all the fuss is.

A long haul 2 week holiday with your mates is however unusual. But if it suits you …

Duckswaddle · 16/04/2024 20:37

🤣🤣 blimey love, do you have a life outside your husband and kids? All she did was ask if you wanted to go away for the weekend.

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 16/04/2024 20:37

Why can’t you just say no?

Firawla · 16/04/2024 20:38

You are being extremely weird, your friend is not

yes you could “swan off” for a few days if you wanted, your kids are hardly babies. Is your fella that useless??? How strange and sad

Verbena17 · 16/04/2024 20:39

3 days away with a friend and a break from family life - yep I would jump over the fence and I off I go!

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 16/04/2024 20:39

As a woman with a husband and three kids almost the exact same ages as yours, I'm really struggling with your reasoning, especially as you are ok with going away for two whole weeks with friends at another time of the year?!

chillicalypso · 16/04/2024 20:40

Really weird response from you to be honest. Your children are hardly tiny. You have a partner…. If you wanted to you could totally go surely..:.

misskatamari · 16/04/2024 20:40

This is bonkers. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with her asking, and you’re being so horrible about it! Your poor friend. If you don’t want to go as you want to spend bank holiday with your family, that’s perfectly valid. Just say no, you don’t fancy it.

making out there’s something wrong with your friend for even deigning to ask is so mean spirited though. Really unkind and uncalled for.

EC22 · 16/04/2024 20:41

Selfish? Your children are well old enough to be left a weekend.
How nice to have a friend who wants to go away with you, shame you don’t appreciate it.

youngestisapsycho · 16/04/2024 20:41

Jeez… I’d already have my bags packed and the trip planned 😆

BruFord · 16/04/2024 20:42

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 18:11

I'm not a martyr, all of them can cope without me. There is no SEN or safe guarding issues. Partner is a great dad. Me and partner both have separate 2 week holidays every year with own friends, we each go long haul.

It just doesn't sit right with me to swan off on a bank holiday weekend. Any other weekend would be fine, but there is something about it being a bank holiday, imo.

Edited

It sounds fine to me, OP. My DH has just returned from a four-day jolly and he had a lovely time. We only have one teenager at home now though and he wasn’t any trouble, just wanted a couple of lifts over the weekend.

We all need a break sometime and she wasn’t being cheeky asking-take it as compliment that she wants you as a companion!

GameOfJones · 16/04/2024 20:43

If you cannot articulate why you feel bank holidays are some sort of sacred family time despite having zero plans......how the fuck is she supposed to know?

You say yourself you swan off for two weeks every year with friends and leave your family. So why you are so mortally offended that your mate asked if you'd like a weekend away is beyond me to be honest.