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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

563 replies

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:36

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend

AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ?

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

OP posts:
Bushmillsbabe · 16/04/2024 18:46

If you don't want to go, don't go, but its in no way unreasonable for her to ask. We have 2 girls aged 4 and 7. I have been away twice with friends for hen does for 2-3 nights. My husband has done same, and also gone away fir a week for a course. They/we somehow survived!
If anything it's easier on a BH weekend than during termtime/weekdays as we share the school runs so I have to take leave or arrange cover for these when he is away

Cockapoopoopoo · 16/04/2024 18:47

I think your attitude is really bizarre to be honest

Skyrainbow · 16/04/2024 18:49

Sounds brilliant to me. My children are younger than yours and I've been going on long weekends since the youngest was three. My husband doesn't mind (he occasionally goes away too). It's good for the kids to see that i have a life outside of them.

ClawdeenWolf · 16/04/2024 18:50

@Akamai Exactly that, put far more succinctly than I could've managed. :)

LimeAnkles · 16/04/2024 18:50

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

Don't go then. It's quite simple.
Why are you trying to turn this into a mini ITV Drama?!

RosaBaby2 · 16/04/2024 18:51

This has got to be a joke?! 🤣

SquirrelMeze · 16/04/2024 18:52

I had no idea the May Day Bank Holiday was so sacred. I'm embarrassed so thank you for letting me know.

hookiewookie29 · 16/04/2024 18:54

I'd be packing now.....

EffortlesslyInelegant · 16/04/2024 18:54

Springtime43 · 16/04/2024 18:25

I wouldn’t go somewhere without DH over Easter, that wouldn’t feel right.

Good job the OP isn't not going at Easter then really isn't it?

FoodieToo · 16/04/2024 18:54

This is very odd.

Why don't you suggest a 2 week long haul then if you're ok with that 😉??!!

I am just back from 6 days in Ikos with friends and I have 5 teens . They all said it was a great week and my husband declared himself to be ' like a new person' !!!

Luxell934 · 16/04/2024 18:55

If your children were 1,3 and 7 or something like that maybe I could understand your reasoning. But your kids are all mid teens. Yes you could leave them for a weekend to go on a jolly. It’s one bloody weekend, not even a full week. I assume their father would manage to parent without you.

Ultimately you don’t want to go which is fine! But your friends not being unreasonable to ask you.

ICanFixHim · 16/04/2024 18:56

Springtime43 · 16/04/2024 18:25

I wouldn’t go somewhere without DH over Easter, that wouldn’t feel right.

I don't think Jesus would mind. What other issue could there be?

SchoolQuestionnaire · 16/04/2024 18:57

Ladybir · 16/04/2024 18:15

I can't be the only who struggles to understand why 2 weeks (assuming not on a bank holiday) is fine but 3 days over a bank holiday is so terrible and your family can't possibly cope without you!?

This really. My kids are older now but I wouldn’t have had an issue with leaving them for a Bank Hol weekend. I definitely wouldn’t have left them for two weeks though and I certainly wasn’t a martyr to the family.

Hedgedbackwards · 16/04/2024 18:58

minou123 · 16/04/2024 18:26

Then don't go, it's fine.

What I don't understand is why you've started a post on MN to essentially be mean/unkind about your friend?

It's so strange.

Your friend asked you a perfectly nice and reasonable question if you would like to go away for a bank holiday. All you have to say to your friend is
"Thank you for the invite. Unfortunately I can't go away this bank holiday, but thank you for thinking of me"

That's it. What's all the drama about?

Show quote history

Indeed

Catza · 16/04/2024 18:59

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 18:17

@whatsitcalledwhen I don't know ! It just doesn't sit right with me that it's a bank holiday weekend. It just feels selfish. But from what everyone is saying, it's not selfish at all.

But this doesn't explain why you think your friend is unreasonable to ask. "Surely she realises I have a family"... well, so? As you said, you take two weeks off by yourself every year so this is not much of a stretch to think you might be interested in going away.
Take ownership of your decision not to go rather than being pretend-offended that someone dared to suggest a weekend away.

Ace56 · 16/04/2024 18:59

Who cares if it’s a bank holiday? What do you usually do during a bank holiday that’s so special you couldn’t even consider this? It’s not like she’s asking you to go on Xmas day 😂 how weird.

Original poster
Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 19:00

I'm not better than my friend. No one is any better than anytime else. And anyone who has suggested that, has only shown their own true colours.
We get a handful of BHs a year in UK. An extra few days scattered over the year, to spend with family imo. We don't have any BH rituals or a given expectations in our family. I just think it's mean to go away on a BH with mates, if you have family at home. I'm clearly in the minority on this !

OP posts:
Desecratedcoconut · 16/04/2024 19:01

It's feeling kind of reversy. I'm waiting for the op to have their, 'It is I, Leclerc' moment and complain about her friend who won't join her on the trip.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 16/04/2024 19:02

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

Why can't you? Please explain!

ghostyslovesheets · 16/04/2024 19:02

I can't help thinking of you poor friend, merrily going about her evening thinking - it'll be nice to get away with OP blissfully unaware that she has thrown the OP in to such a melodramatic tailspin she needs to ask the internet what to do!

Do her a favour and say no - I can't imagine what the weekend would be like...

AIBU friend want to go for breakfast - can I just swan off to breakfast just because I'm hungry

AIBU my friend wants a bath - I don't need the bathroom right now but it still doesn't sit right with me.

AIBU - friend wants to check out at 11am - despite checkout being at 11am it just seems selfish and wrong.

SquirrelMeze · 16/04/2024 19:02

But asking is fine. That's actually nice, she values you as a mate. Just say "would love to but am busy with my family, how about XXX". She's not being a dickhead.

ThankFitsFriday · 16/04/2024 19:04

I go on a long weekend break abroad with my friends every year. DD is happy enough to spend the time with her dad or DGPs. She has a lovely time, so do I!

BlondeFool · 16/04/2024 19:05

What an overreaction. She's asked. You don't want to. End of. I do think your reaction is weird.

anchoviesanchovies · 16/04/2024 19:05

Very weird reaction. If you don’t want to go then don’t but I personally find it sad that you can’t be away for a couple of nights. I do it now and have a 5 yr old. Friendships are important. I find it even sadder that you think your poor friend is in the wrong.

ZetuianRose · 16/04/2024 19:07

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

What a contradiction!

“doesn’t she realise I have a family and can’t just swan off??”

“they’d all be fine of course, and I can go if I want”

🙄

So go if you want, or don’t go if you’re desperate to spend the time with your family. Your strange bank holiday issue is yours, don’t try to push this onto your friend or make out she’s unreasonable for inviting you for a nice trip away! She probably thought you’d enjoy it! Maybe appreciate your friend a bit more, at least she’s bothering with you…