friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

[Bigbusheyeyebrows]

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend

AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ?

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

Gracious, she really isn't a friend at all, is she? How dare she make such a suggestion. Won't somebody think of the children?

You need to calm down and say no.
then distance yourself from your friends as she deserves better than a drama llama friend. It’s an invitation that I’m sure she wouldn’t have issued if she knew what a dramatic twit you are.

Are you saying you are fine to go on holiday for two weeks long haul with other friends but this friend is unreasonable for asking you to go away on a bank holiday weekend? If so YABU

Say no then. Job done.

This is really strange.

The course is fine to go on a holiday with a friend at any time, really. If you need MN permission, then you have it.

If you're this rigid about a simple holiday, what are you going to do when those kids grow up and move out?

Going away for a few days is a good breather from everything, and she's nice for asking you out. If you don't want it, then just say no.

Why can't you just say to your friend that you don't want leave your family over the bh weekend. Job done!

I don't think she's bu to ask, a lot of people go away without their family for long weekends. It's entirely up to you what you do.

I think you are bu for being very blinkered and not considering that other people might think differently to you.

Seems bizarre that a two week long haul is fine but a BH weekend is selfish!

Do you not like this friend really? Is that the real issue here?

All very noble of you, of course.
If you feel you have to be with your family every bank holiday, then that is what you do.
However, this ideal will eventually fall like the house of cards it is. One year your DP/H will be asked to go away with his mates. He may not have a noble gene. Soon, your kids will be invited to go away with mates. They will want to, and will not give your sacrificed weekend another thought.
More likely, in a few years time, you'll be looking back thinking, 'why the feck didn't I have that weekend away when I could?'

as everyone says she's not being selfish by asking - if you said yes without agreeing it first with your DP that would be selfish
On the otherhand both you and your DP taking separate two week long haul holidays without the kids every year does strike me as selfish

Are you asking whether it would be unreasonable of you to consider going on the holiday, or whether it's unreasonable of your friend to ask?
If the latter, is there a bigger issue between you and your friend?

What an extremely odd reaction to be asked if you want to go away!

What's with all the "swan off".

What a terrible, unreasonable friend she is! How dare she PRESUME that you might view a weekend away with her as fun! Doesn't she realise how important you are?

Your family can't POSSIBLY get by without you for a few days. Clearly you are an oh-so-special and important person.

She doesn't deserve you as a friend: the bloody cheek of her.

I suggest you put the bitch in her place.

I don’t think you’re getting this are you? Whether it’s mean or not is up to you, but why the fuck do you think your friend is ‘out of order’ for inviting you?

Yes, YABU and really, really weird. I hope your friend dumps you and finds a better friend. People that make their family/partner their whole lives are not stable people imo. You'll end up friendless eventually if you alienate friends like this.

What's weird about it ? Your DC are not babies and their dad might actually enjoy having them to himself for a few days. My DH use to love it when I went away and they could just mooch all weekend and not have me there whipping them in to shape every five minutes. Have you asked DH and kids what they think about it?

She asked you if you wanted to go away at a convenient time, that's probably the depth of it, no more. You can say yes or you can say no and she'll (I expect) ask someone else. I don't know why you're making it that she's selfish as you're the one with commitments. She just wants a yes or no.

Of course it’s a good thing to have close and enduring friendships for fun and support. Your children are teenagers they will be happy with their dad and seeing friends - they will probably be happy to have some fun with friends and not the oppressive expectation the weekend is solely for family.

The more people in your life the better - especially as so many marriages end in divorce it’s the friendships that will continue. The people I have known without close friendships have struggled as they get older with or without a spouse.

I absolutely love a weekend away with friends and have done both when married and single. I’ve even done a week away! The horror!

It's unreasonable if she keeps asking but if she asks and you say no i cant because of parter and kids and thats the end of it then i think thats fine.

Wow. She asked you to go away and have a few days fun. Should single people not ask married people to spend time with them? Should she know that you feel precious about a bank holiday whenbyou fly long haul away from your partner several times a year?

I think it’s lovely that you are looking forward to spending time with your family on the bank holiday weekend.
I think it’s great that you have a friend who wants to spend time with you and is kind enough to suggest you go away together on the bank holiday weekend.

I wouldn’t be happy if, having declined the suggestion to go away, a friend put pressure on me in any way to accompany her, so that she could make use of her time without the children. Is that what she is doing OP ?

Expecting you to forgo your opportunity for a family weekend so that she can benefit from a weekend away is selfish, but simply asking you or simply suggesting it isn’t unreasonable as you then get the opportunity to explain you prefer to spend precious long weekends with your family.

Why don’t you like your friend?

Of course YABU. Just say no if you feel you can’t leave your grown man of a husband and his 3 children.

Weird post. You have feelings about BHs being family time. OK that’s fine. But to call your friend unreasonable for not intuiting that’s how you felt is ridiculous! She invited you away. That’s meant to be a nice thing. She isn’t unreasonable for feeling that BHs might be a good social weekend and you’re not unreasonable for thinking they’re to be spent with your family. But you are unreasonable for thinking she is unreasonable and actually being miffed about it!!

So let's be clear - you're annoyed with your friend for asking if you would like to go away for a bank holiday weekend as you couldn't possibly leave your precious DH and DC but Me and partner both have separate 2 week holidays every year with own friends, we each go long haul.
This has to be a wind-up.

It's not selfish to have time on your own if you want to, but if you don't then just say no!

Dp and I have time away without each other / DC, sometimes to pursue a hobby one of us enjoys more than the other or for a hen/stag party. I also travel with work, one of us is more than capable of looking after the DC solo, I don't think it's selfish, but if you are a home body and don't want to go that's also fine, but don't be offended to have been asked!