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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

563 replies

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:36

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend

AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ?

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

OP posts:
Ski4130 · 16/04/2024 23:09

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 18:11

I'm not a martyr, all of them can cope without me. There is no SEN or safe guarding issues. Partner is a great dad. Me and partner both have separate 2 week holidays every year with own friends, we each go long haul.

It just doesn't sit right with me to swan off on a bank holiday weekend. Any other weekend would be fine, but there is something about it being a bank holiday, imo.

Edited

So you’ll go on a 2 week long haul holiday without your kids each year, but you think a 3 day BH trip is unreasonable?!

Nanof8 · 16/04/2024 23:09

I would be jumping on that. I figure if my hubby can go on a hunting trip for 3-5 days then I can go on a girls weekend.

Even if he didn't go on hunting trips I'd go as I'm a SAHM and never go anywhere on my own anymore.

VJBR · 16/04/2024 23:10

Jesus what a fuss over nothing.

SabreIsMyFave · 16/04/2024 23:11

Nanof8 · 16/04/2024 23:09

I would be jumping on that. I figure if my hubby can go on a hunting trip for 3-5 days then I can go on a girls weekend.

Even if he didn't go on hunting trips I'd go as I'm a SAHM and never go anywhere on my own anymore.

Yep!

'Errr, no - I better not go on the 3-day lads trip my mates have invited me on, as my wife and kids may need me, and it's not fair on them for me to go.'

Said NO MAN EVER.

theduchessofspork · 16/04/2024 23:12

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 18:17

@whatsitcalledwhen I don't know ! It just doesn't sit right with me that it's a bank holiday weekend. It just feels selfish. But from what everyone is saying, it's not selfish at all.

Well then it doesn’t suit you so don’t go.

But lots of people wouldn’t feel that, so of course it’s not ‘out of order’ for your friend to ask.

You are being v v weird about this OP. Why on earth would you be annoyed with her.

penjil · 16/04/2024 23:12

OP, I think in a few years you are going to be suffering from empty nest syndrome.

Cut the apron strings a little bit!

Your children can do without you for 3 days, and you can do without them.

A bit of healthy space can be a good thing.

RogueFemale · 16/04/2024 23:21

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 18:17

@whatsitcalledwhen I don't know ! It just doesn't sit right with me that it's a bank holiday weekend. It just feels selfish. But from what everyone is saying, it's not selfish at all.

No, it isn't selfish of her to ask. If you don't want to go, then fair enough, but I find it odd how judge-y you are about her daring to ask.

Tetchypants · 16/04/2024 23:21

Ski4130 · 16/04/2024 23:09

So you’ll go on a 2 week long haul holiday without your kids each year, but you think a 3 day BH trip is unreasonable?!

Show quote history

Yes. It’s fine to be thousands of miles away having fun in the sun with no quick way of getting back in case they need you. But it is most definitely not ok to miss a rainy Monday at home in case they need you.

I’m not judging you on your two week jollies OP, indeed I’m quite envious, but surely you can see how batshit this sounds?

echt · 16/04/2024 23:23

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

You swan off without them for long haul holidays so evidently your family is of varying significance. Why wouldn't your friend assume it was worth a punt?

NoWayRose · 16/04/2024 23:25

This is how friendship works, isn’t it … friend makes suggestion of plans, you say if you’re up for it or not. I love the occasional weekend away with mates, but even if you don’t fancy it, it’s still nice she thought of you

Backmarks · 16/04/2024 23:25

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 16/04/2024 17:42

It is a massive decision OP
Think about it, sleep on it. Then think about it and sleep on it and then give her your answer

If I was in your shoes and they asked me - I'd be honoured and then politely tell them, "thank you for your kind offer but I can't..."

Honestly, it is really as simple as that

It is a massive decision OP
Think about it, sleep on it. Then think about it and sleep on it

🤣🤣🤣

Seriously??! A massive decision? Think about it and sleep on it, then think about it and sleep on it again? 😅

Amberjane41 · 16/04/2024 23:26

surprised you even have any friends. You sound like an arsehole YABU

GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight · 16/04/2024 23:27

Amberjane41 · 16/04/2024 23:26

surprised you even have any friends. You sound like an arsehole YABU

Blimey, you're nice 🙄😁

Gollumm · 16/04/2024 23:31

You're being weird about bank holidays. They're not sacred days that you can only spend with your family! It's just an extra day off. Would your husband have the same opinion if his mates suggested a weekend away? This is bizarre.

Gymnoob · 16/04/2024 23:48

You definitely need a holiday. I think you should go actually.

BeakyPIinders · 16/04/2024 23:56

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:36

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend

AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ?

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

Would your partner do this? Would he go off for a weekend jolly on his own?
If the answer is Yes, then you can too

GoldenTrout · 16/04/2024 23:58

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

Why can't you leave them to it for three days? You've just had two Bank Holidays with them, after all. Why aren't you entitled to this really pretty minimal break for once?

GoldenTrout · 17/04/2024 00:02

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 18:17

@whatsitcalledwhen I don't know ! It just doesn't sit right with me that it's a bank holiday weekend. It just feels selfish. But from what everyone is saying, it's not selfish at all.

What do you do over Bank Holidays that means the family is so dependent on you being there?

At this time of year we have four bank holidays within a couple of months. I can't honestly see that you being away for just one of those is in any way selfish. It's certainly in no way out of order for your friend to ask you.

QueenBitch666 · 17/04/2024 00:04

You won't get asked again. Enjoy your martyr complex Grin

theonlygirl · 17/04/2024 00:05

This is probably the most batshit thing I've read on MN. You go long haul with friends for 2 weeks every year, but you're angry a friend asked if you fancy 3 days away cos it's a bank holiday weekend????? Got to be a windup🙄

WafflesOrIceCream · 17/04/2024 00:12

I'm so glad you are not my friend OP!!!There is nothing out of order about leaving your grown kids with your partner.

There is nothing selfish about your friend asking you at all!

I think it was a lovely gesture from your friend to invite you but god I feel sorry for her to have a friend like you!

Also,are you sure your it's not your partner telling you not to go?!You wouldn't be making such a song and dance about it otherwise!!

ToWhitToWhoo · 17/04/2024 00:21

YANBU not to go. However, YWBU to blame your friend for suggesting it- so long as she accepts your refusal without pressurizing or getting huffy.

VampireWeekday · 17/04/2024 00:41

I wouldn't want to go away on bank holiday either. But it's completely acceptable for your friend to ask! You can just say no! Especially doesn't make sense since you go away for two weeks long haul.

Wornoutlady · 17/04/2024 01:02

Go or don't go. I honestly don't understand the fuss.

TigerLillys · 17/04/2024 01:16

I get what you're saying. You're right in that the kids aren't off school that often and I understand that you feel guilty that you'd be going off to do something with your friend when they're off school. That being said she only asked you, so just say no.