To be expected to run around after another's child?

[Blondeandbeautifullol]

Hi, my child has specialist sports coaching outside of school. One of his frenemies parents discovered this and has decided their child should do it too as their child was upset mine got a place on the sports team. They felt if their child had coaching in this particular sports position, their child only needs to compete with mine for a position on the school team. Every Thursday evening, my child goes to this coaching as does her frenemy who is really only doing it because her mother is pushing her to do it - she even said "if you train in a special position you'll be more likely picked ".

What's upset me is every Thursday, I now get messages to drop/collect/wait with her child as this Thursday evening club is not convenient for them. The fact her child is only doing this sports thing is to spite mine and take their team position, now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back. This child is not always kind to my daughter and I feel the mother has a bloody cheek keep asking. How do I get to be there, watch and collect my child after having declined to drop off, watch and collect hers every week? She said she'd be able to at a push if my child isn't going but her career is very important. I want to say "so you're competing with my child as everything mine does yours has to have with a cherry on top. In the process you expect me to enable this by taking/watching/dropping off yours?" Aibu? How do I make her take responsibility for her own kid when I have to see her at school and my child is on off friends with hers?

op is obviously terrified of this woman.

You are being unreasonable in not saying no. Say no.
'Bring my child home!'
'No, I like being alone with my own child.'

THEN WE MUST BE EVEN SCARIER!

<cruel to be kind>. 😇

Honestly OP, it won't be as bad as you think.

Tell us which "Go f*ck yourself" text you send, and what her response is.

How did giving a lift home once turn in to you driving the kid both ways Just say nope your unable to.

I voted yabu because you should just say no. It’s no longer convenient for me. You need to make other arrangements.

Just tell her no, her child is not your responsibility. No more picking up, watching or dropping her kid off. I have no idea why you are putting up with this crap as you don't seem to like either mother or her child.

I agree with this. Confidence in managing piss takers like this woman doesn't come naturally to a lot of us, these skills have to be consciously learned and it is really hard initially.

A couple of things that could help (based on what I have learned as a formerly unassertive person):

You need to advocate for your child, so you are doing your job as a parent in saying 'no' to this. Treat it as you would if handling any unpleasant but necessary task at work.

You ask how you can get her to see reason eg 'How do I make her take responsibility for her own kid', but the reality is you can't because she is not reasonable. So don't engage or discuss it, just tell her how it's going to be.

Don't tell yourself you're 'upset' when what you actually are is angry. Your anger needs to outshout your fear.

If you wait until you feel comfortable asserting yourself you will wait a very long time. Accept that it is going to be uncomfortable even unnatural and that you will probably feel nervous and it may show - and that's OK. Say what you need to say, say it badly if need be but just say it.

Decide what you are going to say (civil and concise is best) and stick to it. Refuse to engage beyond that, if she argues or gets angry just 'It's a shame you feel that way'.

OP as others have said put your child first.

I wouldn’t be saying that if this was a mother & child you liked and the mum really needed the help and it wasn’t out of your way. None of that is the case.

Her passing the message through the coach is beyond cheeky to both you & coach. The coach should also tell her to do one, she’s paying for the coaching it’s not for the coach to work out how the kids get home.

The whole situation sounds beyond painful, I dread all that competition BS between bloody kids.

Why did you say yes? I haven’t gone through all of the comments but if it was me, I would come up with an excuse and not do it.

I would just tell the other mum that you'd like to spend the drive time with your daughter as it's meaningful to you because you work too and are limited on time and you want to be able to speak to her about her day and how she's feeling about school etc now shes growing and hormones etc. Or something on the lines of this. I find talks in the car more freeing and open with kids.

I'd concentrate on teaching my daughter about self preservation, standing up for myself and not being taken for a mug.

next time coach says you have to take madam home, say no. Come on.

Well you are saying your child is a doormat with the other child but that's what you've taught her! Put other people first and don't stand up for yourself.
I've demonstrated the opposite with my dd and she certainly stands up for herself.
Stop being such a wet blanket!

Agree with this, after a few weeks she will hopefully get the message and stop asking especially if it becomes part of your new routine. Id probably use the check in with a relative who lives nearby, you could be sorting their dinner and need to call to the shop before the activity.
Id love to just say no but would find it awkward.

Also to add it would be the coach waiting with the friends daughter not you, if the coach asks you explain no arrangements were made and you have to leave right after and go somewhere. Trust me the coach will not allow it to happen again

Haven't RTFT but your replies sound like you're appeasing the other mum because you're a bit scared to say no. If you can't stand up for yourself, can you do it for your daughter, maybe seeing you say no would help her stand up for herself too.

You're not abandoning a child by refusing to take her, surely she's the coach's responsibility while her parent isn't there. How old are they, you talk about GCSEs so they must be teens.

Mumsnet mantras apply here, ideal scenario "no is a complete sentence" if you don't take her, and her CF mum doesn't turn up, the coach will have to resolve the problem.

If you don't feel able to do this, weaponised incompetence is next on the list. "Hi CF mum, I told you I couldn't drop spoilt brat home tonight so she's at our house drinking sugary caffienated drinks, eating brightly coloured sweets and any other vastly inappropriate things I can think of. Please collect ASAP. We're walking the dog in half an hour, so she might be a bit muddy if you can't get here before then"

......now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back.

No. No you don't.

Learn the sentence 'Sorry, that doesn't work for me' and repeat it as many times as possible.

Is there any scope for changing time/day and then just tell her DD has stopped going?

You simple say no! Or write out a message to both coach and mother that you will not be taking her home any more. Regardless of any circumstances, she needs to prepare better for when she can't make it to lift her daughter.

I had something like this happen to me and I knew I would be seen as the 'bad guy's but I genuinely could not give a shit. Why do we always have to sacrifice our peace for people like this?!.. you are not responsible for her daughter... She is.. an her behavior is a bloody disgrace...!!!

Absolutely this, in fact I wouldn't even bother with the "Sorry".

No thanks, the kids aren't friends, we aren't friends, not my problem.

Sooty but I’m going to rant as this is yet another post where I just want to shout

Get a grip and grow a spine!

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want especially if it puts you out

What do you think the advice on here is going to do that you can’t figure out for yourself?

This isn’t asking about various choices - you either carry on which you don’t want to do - most would agree with you. So in that case you need to pull up your big girl pants and tell her no! It’s not that difficult

Hell NO!
Why would she offer to take the child to her own house. That's even worse, she would end up feeding her on top of the mum being a cheeky fucker.

Tell her you have to do something on the way that means you can't collect her child and bring them back etc or get a motorbike and you are laughing. I'd just send a text. "Hi CF I'm afraid this week I'll not be able to take CFDD to sports as we have to call at DD's aunt's on the way back and I have some errands to do on the way there. It may be tight next week too as we are hoping to make Aunt's visit a regular thing as it's on way home and could be home late. May be best for you to organise some alternative transport hereonin. Thanks

This girl told me she doesn't even like going, she says it's boring but her mum says it'll look good in a university application! They've not even sat GCSE!

Unless she's planning on uni in the US, or doing sports science, it will have no relevance whatsoever.

"No, I can't."

"No, it's not convenient".

Or if you want to offer a sop, say,

"Sorry, I can't do that. I can take her to my house and you can pick her up there."

If she has to do the four mile detour she may suddenly find she can pick her child up from the club.

This.

You both sound equally dreadful! Frenemies? A child says that or did you as an adult?