To be expected to run around after another's child?

[Blondeandbeautifullol]

Hi, my child has specialist sports coaching outside of school. One of his frenemies parents discovered this and has decided their child should do it too as their child was upset mine got a place on the sports team. They felt if their child had coaching in this particular sports position, their child only needs to compete with mine for a position on the school team. Every Thursday evening, my child goes to this coaching as does her frenemy who is really only doing it because her mother is pushing her to do it - she even said "if you train in a special position you'll be more likely picked ".

What's upset me is every Thursday, I now get messages to drop/collect/wait with her child as this Thursday evening club is not convenient for them. The fact her child is only doing this sports thing is to spite mine and take their team position, now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back. This child is not always kind to my daughter and I feel the mother has a bloody cheek keep asking. How do I get to be there, watch and collect my child after having declined to drop off, watch and collect hers every week? She said she'd be able to at a push if my child isn't going but her career is very important. I want to say "so you're competing with my child as everything mine does yours has to have with a cherry on top. In the process you expect me to enable this by taking/watching/dropping off yours?" Aibu? How do I make her take responsibility for her own kid when I have to see her at school and my child is on off friends with hers?

Unfortunately, I suspect that the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree and that the daughter takes after her mum who thinks it is OK to assume that another parent will do her bidding.

"Hi Brenda, I'm sorry but it's not convenient for me to drive out of my way to pick up / drop off Darla anymore. I hope you're able to find an alternative solution though."

The fact her child is only doing this sports thing is to spite mine and take their team position

I think that's possibly a bit of a leap and it doesn't reflect well on you to assume that, TBF. However, I can't bloody stand it when women with 'careers' think that the rest of us minions have nothing better to do than be at their beck and call to provide free child care and chauffeuring, because they've over-extended.

If the parents don't have space in the schedule between them to cope with extracurricular activitity drop offs and collections then they shouldn't sign their children up to them. It's not anybody else's responsibility to make sure they can get there and get home again. The occasional favour in an emergency is all very well but she's just taking the piss.

This woman is not your friend, your child doesn't seem to like her child very much either so you just need to find your voice and a polite but firm no.

Say something like:

It's best not to assume I am available at the drop of a hat, because often I am not. Sometimes it's not convenient to wait with your DD because you are late, or to bring her home for you. Sometimes DD might be too tired to attend her club, or we might have a dental appointment, or I might decide to go straight out for dinner somewhere after club pick up. I'd rather not have to factor in your DD when doing what works best for us. Otherwise the 'occasional favour' will soon become an expectation/obligation and I am not really up for that. I do hope you understand.

Can you just say, sorry as you must be aware, girls really not getting on, so it’s best for you to make other arrangements
do it by text if you can’t face her

Just tell her you can't be responsible for ferrying her daughter every Thursday, unless it's a reciprocal arrangement.

Yes you can abandon her child. Tell the coach you can take her home, text her back and say you can't take her dd home.

I'd also consider moving your dd to another club, I couldn't be arsed with all the drama

You’re not actually abandoning the child, her mother is. She’s not your child to abandon!

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree ! Dont allow the mother to treat you as her DD treats your DD. Tell her no. If you need an excuse then say that your career is also important to you but as your DD is your priority, you will be taking her to the training , watching her (& only her ) and going straight home so that you can catch up on your own work - meaning no time for lifts etc . Also tell the coach that you haven’t agreed to take responsibility for the friend so to please not refer to you when the mother lets her DD down .

@Blondeandbeautifullol you say in your op "now I have to drive 4 miles out my way to drop them back"

Why?

Who says you have to do this?

This child is not your responsibility.

Channel your inner Zammo #showingmyage

Either say, "no sorry that doesn't work for me", arrange to go somewhere else afterwards or drive her to your own house so her mum still has to come and get her, or ask her which lift she would like to do each week - take them both or do pick up. It's her choice to have a career that is very important to her. It's not for the rest of the world to facilitate it.

That's the problem when you're nice, others who aren't take advantage. What a CF, she has a child who is unpleasant to yours and doing the same coaching to compete AGAINST them, then asking you to be her taxi! Some people really are relentlessly self deluded/rude/take the piss. Xx

Sorry, I don't have the extra time to do this. Xx

God NO!

Don't take her home - you'll end up feeding her and she'll be there until yon time because her mother won't give her a second thought until SHE is good and ready.

”I won’t be able to transport x to and from the club any more - I’m afraid you’ll need to make alternative arrangements.”

that is all that’s needed. Polite and final.

Just say you’re not able to commit to anymore lifts…

That!

that is not just cheecky…you are enabling a direct possible upset for your daughter… if that other girl takes indeed her place…how will your daughter react??

just say that you are not able to continue. And BLOCK!

if she comes on playground to talk about it. Same thing « I am sorry, I won’t be able to », move away.

The thing is it is really easy to fall into this. One off lifts are fine. I've been asked by school parents to give their child a lift. Not cfs, just genuine parents who need a one off favour. Of course I say yes. But how do you know on the first ask if they are a reasonable person needing one off help or someone who is going to ask you every week till the end of time!

Tell her you can't as you have to drop your daughter for her extra coaching in whatever the activity is she does.

Bit different if it's a CF who asks you when you're there, says they can't make it, knowing that most people wouldn't leave a child (though they technically may be a teenager) stranded with no easy way to get home.

The other point here is that the other girl is a nasty, manipulative Queen Bee/QB in training type who runs rings around OP's DD and uses her for her own ends. Why should OP give this girl a lift anymore? I wouldn't.

Quick text on day of activity. Hi x, transporting y isn't working for me, for various reason, so you will need to make other arrangements from today. Your name. If she asks say you don't want to go in to it.

Don't get involved in petty sports compeitiveness. The school should be ensuring that all children get a crack at everything in a team. That's how they learn new skills.

But just decline when you're asked. "Sorry I can't wait with your child tonight or do X,Y, Z. I have other family commitments.

Once other mum realises she can't rely on you, she'll make other arrangments.

if she comes on playground to talk about it. Same thing « I am sorry, I won’t be able to », move away.

I think these girls are at secondary school, so no school gate pick ups.

“Can no longer help with taking/watching/dropping off your daughter so please sure you’re there for her from now on”

Simple, she’s a CF, she’s just using you.

Just say no. I’ve put YABU, because you’re letting yourself be used and then being annoyed about it

Grow a backbone, why are you doing this, just say no. You don’t need a reason, the fact you don’t seem to like her or her child makes it even stranger you’re doing them this favour