Thinking that women would benefit if they were more open minded about height in a potential partner…

[Moonfishstar]

… and not write off the majority of men who are under 6 foot (85%).

Women seem to be fighting for a small proportion of men - with the disappointment that will inevitably bring to the many who inevitably won’t succeed. Of course, it’s even crapper for the good,
but short, men out there.

Of course, we all fancy who we fancy, and I’m not saying we should date shorter (or even average!) men out of pity or a “sense of fairness”, but how much of women’s desire to bag a tall guy is actually societal, and down to how they think other women will view them?

Online dating profiles are full of women who say that only want to date men over a certain height, it is a thing so there is no point pretending it isn’t.

I’ve never been attracted to a man who was close in height to me, they have always been at least 6 inches taller. There is nothing wrong with that though, in the same that some men aren’t attracted to fat women ( but some are).

I generally prefer men to be at least my height. But if I met the perfect man for me and he was shorter, I can't see it being a deal breaker. It would be silly to be so stuck on height that you miss out on a great guy. Initial attraction and something that develops when you get to know someone may be a bit different.

I married a shorter man. His height wasn't our issue, there were various things that eventually made me leave.
I've since dated a shorter man, and he was wonderful, but had a few issues that eventually split us.
I'm actually 5'11½" in my bare feet, so a man over 6'3" is definitely my preference now, and I'm not going to change my mind, I've had my share of shorter guys.

I think on some dating sites, they have preferred height as one of the profile options (I don't want to wake up my dormant profiles by checking.)

Men don't all want young slim women with DD breasts. I'm in my 50s, size 18 with A-cups, so absolutely not young, slim, large bust. I've over 1700 likes on one site - you have to filter somehow. I have quite a narrow age range, and I'm keen on intelligence. I don't care much about height, nor dick length, nor whether they have their own hair, but I've connected with men who are tediously obsessed by those things, especially if they feel they're lacking. I've also had younger men who fetishize older women, despite my stated age preferences, and men lie about their age, too...

We filter IRL too - we may not think so, but by going to activity A rather than activity B, or the Rose & Crown rather than the Red Lion, or the next door town to the south rather than the north - that's all changing the possibilities of who we can meet, whether good or bad. We choose not to speak to the man at the bar who was being rude to the bar staff, or we get talking, and he fails to mention the one thing you'd really connect over, so you never realise. It's all a way of filtering people out, though. Doing it online is just some different criteria and looks more artificial. One way or another, whether in person or online, we're probably all missing people we'd get on well with. It's life. If someone people want to filter by height - that's up to them. It's not that important to many of the rest of us, but if they want to make it a thing for them, that's their choice.

My male partner is a couple of inches shorter than I am. When we first met online he mentioned his height and joked about it because it’s always been made an issue by other people. So I expected to meet him and find it an issue. It wasn’t. I very briefly noticed initially, but it was fleeting. He has a strong physical presence, and he’s very masculine, and well built. I don’t see why any woman who has any confidence would feel butch being by him.

69 is rubbish anyway - it's too distracting. Better to take turns.

He does sound incel like.
He has a wife so someone at least was ok with him being short. Why suddenly think no one else will want him?
And what's wrong with being single for some time or for the rest of his life if thats how it goes?
No one is entitled to a partner.

He is 5'4", it is fair to assume he will struggle to fine a woman. This thread shows the taboo about women having specific requirements.
The question is why would he want another relationship. If he is so selfless that he cannot imagine staying single, then find other things to give. Personally, I am selfish enough it was years before I considered another relationship. And if he is emotionally needy for the role, it is a big red flag in itself.

I hate to admit I recently overlooked someone due to height. This person was great in every other respect - dr, very handsome with good values. We are both half Indian so it was amazing to find someone who has gone through similar experiences.

But he was only 5 ft 6. As someone who is only 5 ft 3 myself you may assume I would be less discriminating/superficial but unfortunately not. On our third date I wore heeled boots (only 3 inches) and that killed the relationship dead in its tracks.

I’m 30 and not particularly fussed about being in a relationship though. I’ve tried unpacking what it is that I don’t like about short men and I am at a complete loss. Maybe it’s a masculinity thing?

Yes, it’s judgemental but men discriminate women based on appearance to an even worse degree imo. I’m considered conventionally beautiful. And over the course of Covid I gained 4 stone due to depression/inactivity (which I have now lost). The difference in treatment I received from men is shocking.

I think it’s nonsense. I’m sure there are people who find height a particularly key characteristic but it’s unlikely to be critical in the majority of relationships.

Hyperbole doesn’t help anyone. He doesn’t sound like an incel.

I think the op definitely has a point.
Lots if people are conditioned to view certain attributes as attractive.
Tall, dark and handsome?
I reduced my height limit after giving my head a wobble and realising that as long as my oh was taller than me he didn’t need to be over 6 feet tall.
That’s how I met dh. He isn’t tall but he is taller than me.
I think lots of stereotypes come into play subconsciously.
Such as a man wanting to date a women who is a size 10 and naturally beautiful.
Reality check: men have no idea what a size 10 looks like. Is that a woman’s Jean size or bra size for example? How do they know the dress they are wearing is not a size 12 for example, they don’t.
Naturally beautiful in a man’s eyes is someone wearing make up but they can’t tell that they have foundation on, blusher, concealer, mascara, lipstick, bronzer, lip filler plus their blond hair is bleached.
What makes a relationship last is not how tall someone is.
Of course you have to be physically attracted to the person too. But physical attributes will not make you blissfully happy in 50 years time. The actual person will.

Of course women value height, it's a primal, biological thing in the same way a hip to waist ratio for women is a perceived biological indicator of fertility. Lots of studies on this. On this aspect YANBU to suggest its an aspect of appearance that women do consider in a partner.

However, it's silly to then suggest that noone who meets that criteria can ever find a partner. Just walk down the street and you'll see all kinds of couples with varying body shapes and sizes. Of the happy couples I know, there are women who are taller than their partners, women who are overweight, men who are overweight, men who are much, much shorter than 6ft etc etc. So YABVU to suggest that certain body types are doomed to be single forever because this simply isnt true. If this were the case, then no men under say, 5'6" would ever be in relationships and they'd be permanently single. Which clearly isnt the case.

Regarding your friend, the fact that he is looking for a back up option before he leaves his wife is deeply unattractive and frankly unrealistic. What woman (even if she was fine with his height) would want to date a married man who is still entangled with his ex and is using her as the excuse to get a divorce. I would run a mile from a man with that kind of attitude even if he was 6'2" because it's fcked up and a huge red flag. If he really wants a successful relationship, he needs to divorce his wife first, be properly single and available, and then look for a partner. If his wife wanted to marry him, then surely that proves that he can find someone else! If his height really was a complete dealbreaker then he wouldnt have found someone to marry in the first place (so this completely negates what he told you). I suspect his issue isnt really about his height at all. He actually doesnt sound like a very pleasant person.

Also, I am still wondering what these alleged "benefits" are that you keep mentioning as you did not seem to concern yourself with them when you chose your tall partner....

I beg to differ lol

I think it also depends on the build of the couple. If you look at Rosie H-W and Jason Statham, he seems very much the masculine one and her the feminine. But then she’s very slight and delicate looking, he’s well built and has a very strong face. I notice physical differences more if she’s very overweight and he’s very thin - I know quite a few couples like this and think she must be stronger than him!

I know quite a few couples like this and think she must be stronger than him!

Highly unlikely. The way men and women have muscle distributed and used is very different. A very fit bodybuilder might be stronger in some areas than a man, but a very overweight woman won't help strength much at all seeing as men have a much higher muscle to fat ratio and advantage in things like hand strength.

If this was such a problem and we all only mated with men over 6 feet then all men would be over 6 feet due to natural selection. The fact there are short men means there are plenty of people happy to reproduce with them

Out of 5 of us as a female friend group, 4 of us have DH (well) under 6 foot, the fifth has a wife who also is under 6 foot!!! I have honestly yet to come across someone who says their potential partner has to be over 6 foot

My nan was only about 5'2" and was 5yrs younger than my grandad, who was a few inches shorter than her. Love doesn't care how tall someone is or about age differences!

Not a problem for me as I'm only 5ft. In fact I never go for tall men. It's just physically uncomfortable having my face naturally lining up with their armpit and I get a cricked neck from having to look upwards all the time!

I only married my 6ft 1 husband so he can reach things that I can’t get to in the cupboards.

5 years is hardly an age difference worth mentioning!

What people forget about dating apps is that it's basically a catalogue where you pick and choose your requirements. Most people will then look for someone who fulfills 80% or more of their "list" because it's easily quantifiable and makes it simple to filter when you have 100s of potential matches. I would surmise that if instead of a dating app, you met the people with characteristics you weren't too keen on in real life eg religious, kids, hobbies you'd be a lot less likely to write them off straight away.

I'm 5'11, and would feel uncomfortable having a partner shorter than me.

I agree with what someone else said. Being short can’t be seen as unattractive otherwise we would have died out a long time ago. There’s an awful lot of short people, I think I read the average female height in the UK is 5 3 which shorter than I would have guessed.