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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To scrap ‘evening’ invitations to weddings

269 replies

AgualusasLover · 15/04/2024 18:06

I don’t really get it anyway as I come from a culture where you either invite people or you don’t.

BUT, putting that to one side, is this practice outdated now? More people get married further away making an evening invitation costly for what it is (according to what I read here anyway), often requiring travel and accommodation etc. For example, I’ve previously been invited to the evening portion of a wedding of someone I used to work with, we have coffee every so often etc. I couldn’t make the date anyway, but I would not have been offended to have not been invited since we aren’t close enough for ‘whole’ day.

Should we just scrap evening invitations?

OP posts:
Sadiee0 · 15/04/2024 18:43

Of course we shouldn't. So does that mean we should scrap 40ths and 50ths and so on as they are generally only in the evening?

SoupDragon · 15/04/2024 18:45

I’ve previously been invited to the evening portion of a wedding of someone I used to work with, we have coffee every so often etc. I couldn’t make the date anyway, but I would not have been offended to have not been invited since we aren’t close enough for ‘whole’ day.

Were you offended to have been invited to only the evening part?

AngelQuartz · 15/04/2024 18:45

Sadiee0 · 15/04/2024 18:43

Of course we shouldn't. So does that mean we should scrap 40ths and 50ths and so on as they are generally only in the evening?

What?🤣

I think the OP means instead of having all day guests and evening guests, just invite everyone for the whole day.

Sunnnybunny72 · 15/04/2024 18:45

We didn't have an 'evening do' as such. The same fifty people there all day. No add ons later.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/04/2024 18:46

You can't make a decision for everyone else, OP. They can do what they like!

I didn't have any evening only guests at my wedding and if I received one I would probably politely decline it.

SoupDragon · 15/04/2024 18:46

I think the problem lies with the self importance of anyone who is "offended" by an evening invitation rather than the invitation itself.

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/04/2024 18:47

I think people should do exactly what they like. There are no rules (well not many).

Original poster
AgualusasLover · 15/04/2024 18:49

I’m not offended at being invited or not invited, and I am not bothered if evening invitations continue to be a thing forevermore. It’s just a harmless AIBU based on a few days of ‘I’ve been invited to an evening part of a wedding but …’ threads.

They seem not necessary to be, personally, but if I get invited and I’m free I will go.

OP posts:
MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 15/04/2024 18:50

I went to a colleague's evening do recently, it was great fun, hired a minibus with others from the office, it was about a 40 minute drive so not too far. Had a great night, we got there in time for cake cutting and first dance, disco, band, evening food etc. I didn't feel hard done by at all.

I was MOH at another wedding recently it was beautiful and I was so happy to be there for my friend but I was in hair and make up at 7am and ready for a nap after dinner, the arrival of the evening guests and the evening entertainment gave it a second wind

Original poster
AgualusasLover · 15/04/2024 18:50

Yes, that’s what I mean. No separate invitations, not that there would be nothing happening in the evening.

OP posts:
PurpleJustice · 15/04/2024 18:51

Having a party after a wedding and inviting some people just to the party is fine.

Why should it be scrapped?

My wedding we could only have a set number to the sit down meal, we both have large families so had additional people join us to celebrate in the evening. We still had food and a free bar so they were well taken care of and not hard done by by any means.

The staying over part really makes no difference. Is it wrong to have a birthday party and invite people that may need to book accommodation? Should that be scrapped too?

Zola1 · 15/04/2024 18:51

Unless it's someone I love and spend a lot of time with then I don't particularly want to go to the ceremony and speeches etc, and I enjoy an evening wedding party...so I'm always happy with the evening invite ☺️ quite often they come from work colleagues etc I think

BettyShagter · 15/04/2024 18:51

Well no because if you wanted a sit down meal for example, you'd end up having to pay double the amount if everyone attended it.

NeverEnoughPants · 15/04/2024 18:52

Where I'm from, local halls are used for the wedding reception. It's a relatively cheap option. If you only invited the number of people that could fit in the church or registry office to the evening, it wouldn't be much of an atmosphere.

Sadiee0 · 15/04/2024 18:52

AngelQuartz · 15/04/2024 18:45

What?🤣

I think the OP means instead of having all day guests and evening guests, just invite everyone for the whole day.

Show quote history

Why is it funny? Travelling 3 hours for an evening wedding invitation is different to travelling for 3 hours to the same persons 40th how? You'd still need the same accommodation, outfit, a gift...wheres the difference?

Zola1 · 15/04/2024 18:53

Zola1 · 15/04/2024 18:51

Unless it's someone I love and spend a lot of time with then I don't particularly want to go to the ceremony and speeches etc, and I enjoy an evening wedding party...so I'm always happy with the evening invite ☺️ quite often they come from work colleagues etc I think

Oh also when I do go to the whole day I am always written off by the evening and feel like I need a little nap under the table to be ready to party

Londonrach1 · 15/04/2024 18:54

Only once been invited to evening only..no food and expensive bar. Never again. If a guest is important enough to invite you want to see the wedding bit. But everyone is different. I only had 40 at my wedding and no extras coming... everyone stayed till 2am apart from a few people. My gran has a brain tumour so no children due to the pain in her head due to loud noises.

CloudywMeatballs · 15/04/2024 18:54

Having lived for over 20 years in the US, it does seem like a strange custom looking back. Here you're either invited or you're not.

Scarletttulips · 15/04/2024 18:54

You always get a few moaners

plenty of people accept evening invitations and go along for a few drinks. No harm in that at all.

Willmafrockfit · 15/04/2024 18:54

it is mainly for work friends ime and perhaps other friends,
often come along in the evening and rejuvenate the party

BeaRF75 · 15/04/2024 18:54

The evening bits of weddings are generally awful, so I'd definitely ditch them. Or just invite folks for drinks back at the house (either parents, or bride & groom).

awitchoftroubleinelectricblue · 15/04/2024 18:55

The registry office where we got married only had space for 15 people, including the couple and the witnesses, so would your rule mean that none of our friends could come to the party after the wedding because they couldn't fit in the RO room?

Original poster
AgualusasLover · 15/04/2024 18:56

I’m not moaning either way. I love a wedding in whatever guise it comes in and would personally travel to a birthday party too.

OP posts:
CamoPenguin · 15/04/2024 18:56

I think I'd rather be invited to the evening party than having to also sit through speeches, ceremony, etc. I don't like weddings though and find them a bit boring, so I am probably in the minority!

thecatsthecats · 15/04/2024 18:57

SoupDragon · 15/04/2024 18:46

I think the problem lies with the self importance of anyone who is "offended" by an evening invitation rather than the invitation itself.

This!

We don't mind an evening invite (we've even graciously accepted being bumped up the list as last minute substitutions. We did, however, baulk at driving three hours to attend the evening reception of a Tuesday wedding.

B&G apparently miffed. Atmosphere apparently dire.