To scrap ‘evening’ invitations to weddings

[AgualusasLover]

I don’t really get it anyway as I come from a culture where you either invite people or you don’t.

BUT, putting that to one side, is this practice outdated now? More people get married further away making an evening invitation costly for what it is (according to what I read here anyway), often requiring travel and accommodation etc. For example, I’ve previously been invited to the evening portion of a wedding of someone I used to work with, we have coffee every so often etc. I couldn’t make the date anyway, but I would not have been offended to have not been invited since we aren’t close enough for ‘whole’ day.

Should we just scrap evening invitations?

I know! Me too.

It's not the same.
For a birthday you're generally invited to the whole do.
Or are people having tiered events for these now?

The daily post about being invited to an evening only has surfaced. There is literally one every day. People don’t like being invited to the evening only! It’s a big ask of a guest!

I see the professionally offended mumsnetters are out in force today.

It must be exhausting to feel insulted so easily.

Or maybe some people just have a different opinion to you? It's entirely permissable.

Shoes off in the house, toilet brush usage and evening wedding receptions - they're always very divisive on here!

Yep. I'm amazed at how many people on Mumsnet consider themselves top tier friends of everyone they know who gets married and go into a strop if they're not all day guests.

I've been to a few evening receptions and they've been fun and great opportunities to hang out with friends in a happy atmosphere. These weddings were of people I liked but who aren't part of my inner circle any more than I am of theirs, so I wasn't remotely offended to only be invited to the evening.
Isn't the evening the best bit anyway? You don't have to buy yourself an expensive outfit or be on best behaviour. Absent any real rebuff, it's a party! Just enjoy it!

What’s the toilet brush debate? Intrigued….! Is it whether you should scrub your shit or just leave it? 😷

Oh it's brilliant - I may start another one!
Should you use a toilet brush?
No! They're filthy, you're minging! Get your hand down!
Yes! You're filthy and minging to put your hand down!
So it continues.

I had a group of playgroup friends who I had only met in the past year who I invited to the night do And I invited my work colleagues who I like but not close friends. They all came and it was lovely to have them.

Exactly. The evening ones I went to were invites for colleagues or newer friends, and my DD did the same for her evening do. It was great to meet some of her work friends, and everyone seemed to be very happy to be there. If there were sulkers, they stayed at home.

I've never known anyone in real life be put out at only being an evening guest.

Ah….I’m clearly in the TB camp then. Logistically, the ‘hand down’ people are submerging their hand below the water to scrub underneath the surface?

@Chatonette - another good one is ironing!
That gets folk riled up!

Oh, you'll get all the details!
Plus it's like on here, it gets personal!
Very amusing.

Not really, one you’re invited to the full event and the other you’re only invited to part of the event which makes it less worth it.

Also attending the average 40th birthday party is not as expensive as attending the average wedding.

Requires the same travel, same accommodation, same price for drinks, same new outfit. Apples v apples.

@Sadiee0 all the evening dos I have been invited to have been local, and I haven't bought a new outfit for any of them, so in my case it isn't apples for apples.

So what did you do different for a local 40th? Apples v apples.

The last 40th I went to was last century, and TBH I don't remember.

Who are these people that are travelling for an evening do? Evening do’s are the norm in my experience but it’s accepted that it’s for local people only. If I got an evening invite but was expected to travel and stay overnight then I wouldn’t go

But I also wouldn’t be offended either that this was the invite I received (unless it was my sister or best friend and then I may have something to say 😂)

I think this possibly is where there is a difference between local town hall/hotel type weddings, where the evening is just a big party and those that are designed for Instagram where they are in the middle of nowhere and guests are expected to go to great expense so that the B&G have the picture perfect big day

Evening do’s are the norm in my experience but it’s accepted that it’s for local people only.

Same here.

There is literally a post on AIBU along the lines of, ‘I was only invited to the evening reception’ on Mumsnet every. single. day. This tells me everything I need to know about the amount of offence they cause.

and yet over many years decades and being a person who knows many, many people from all sorts of different walks of life, outside of MN, I have never come across anyone who is "offended" at being invited to something. It is just bonkers.
If you think it is too much effort for you to attend, then obviously you can decline the invitation, but the idea of being offended at being invited to a celebration party is just bizarre.

I'm wondering why people are inviting work colleagues or neighbours? Invite those dear yo you to your wedding. Others will understand. I do suspect it's for the extra gifts and money (for some).

Well, I know this will come as a surprise to some posters on MN, but many of us get on really well with our colleagues, and some get on really well with neighbours. Colleagues in particular, those who WOTH can spend 37 - 50 hours a week with, week after week.
I work in a relatively small team (we don't even work in the office together). We all get on. We invite each other to parties for special occasions, and yes, that has included the three people who have had weddings since I have been on the team.
However, sorry to disappoint you and your cynicism, we would have a collection at work for anyone getting married, whether they were in a position to invite us to the party or not.

Yes. They’re completely uncontroversial. I think part out he Violent Umbrage on here about them must be partly because so many Mners struggle with friendships, and appear, as a result to be hypervigilant about potential ‘cliques’ on the school run, or apparent slights like being ranked as a ‘second tier guest’. Mners have more ‘friendship tests’ anyone I’ve ever met.

Its not really a thing in Australia - you have a wedding, one meal, one event. Frankly, this inviting of some and not others and different events is batshit. Designed for sad people who think in Instagram not real life

You've got your timelines very mixed up there @Itsallok
Being able to invite additional friends to the evening party was a thing at all the dozens of wedding I attended in the 80s and 90s, before most of us had the internet even, let alone Instagram

The first wedding I attended (not in Australia) as an evening guest was in 1982. Completely uncontroversial, expected thing in Ireland as far back as I can remember.

Being able to invite additional friends to the evening party was a thing at all the dozens of wedding I attended in the 80s and 90s, before most of us had the internet even, let alone Instagram

Agreed - the “evening do” was very common in the 80s/90s when I was a youngster. People would often marry from the bride’s church, have a wedding “breakfast” at about 2pm and then tables would be cleared and the disco set up and a buffet come out at around 7…..when the evening guests would arrive for a drink and a dance and a vol au vent. (Once at a v smart function (which I remember to this day - I was fascinated by the formal place cards), this involved adjourning into another function room in the hotel, which I thought was the height of sophistication. But the idea was that it was for local friends and family and it was a separate part of the function.