To scrap ‘evening’ invitations to weddings

[AgualusasLover]

I don’t really get it anyway as I come from a culture where you either invite people or you don’t.

BUT, putting that to one side, is this practice outdated now? More people get married further away making an evening invitation costly for what it is (according to what I read here anyway), often requiring travel and accommodation etc. For example, I’ve previously been invited to the evening portion of a wedding of someone I used to work with, we have coffee every so often etc. I couldn’t make the date anyway, but I would not have been offended to have not been invited since we aren’t close enough for ‘whole’ day.

Should we just scrap evening invitations?

@KateDelRick ah, that makes more sense now, sorry.

Well, they didn't say it of course...I just know that it can be a bit awkward if you don't know both the bride and groom personally e.g being the plus one of a work colleague it can feel a bit personal in the day etc. I didn't know some of dh's colleagues nor he some of mine so we thought evening was better. I've had to go with my dh to a few weddings where I've felt a total spare part. At least the evening tends to be a but less formal at weddings.

Right. Everyone is different. I like the ceremony and the sit down meal but am not much of a drinker.

I think it's better than excluding evening guests from the ceremony. Then they can go to one or both. The most important bit for me is the ceremony.

I received an evening-only invite to a friend's wedding. I wouldn't have minded... until I realised that we were pretty much the only people at the evening do to have been given an evening-only invite. So we did feel a bit second-class, to be honest.

Please can anyone tell me what a 12.5 yr old girl wears to a wedding? Where to shop.. ? Seems we have very different ideas! Her outfit choices are more suited to 'clubbing'! 🙄

We cut out the boring bits and got married at 5pm, invited everyone, had drinks reception bbq and dancing. Was lush

Got married last Oct and evening (hog roast and the trimmings and vegan burgers for the veggies/vegans) and it was £22/head. Could have done a cold buffet for less but don’t remember the cost.
3 courses was £70/head in the day not including alcohol.
We live in a ‘cheaper’ part of the country and the venue was a Manor House.

We had evening only guests due to having such big families, we were at max capacity for the day (100) but the evening could fit up to 60 more guests. We invited an additional 30-40 and some declined which is fair enough. We included friends that would have to travel in the whole day as much as we could. It was mainly friends who we still love but don’t see as often and work colleagues. No offence was taken at a decline of an evening only invite and hopefully no offence was caused by them. I had conversations prior to invites going out with uni friends explaining the capacity issues!

Location was the main factor in not seeking a venue that could hold 140 as well as budget obviously! We paid for pretty much everything ourselves and this was the best compromise in the end.

My cousin invited our grandmother to the whole day then extended family from our side just to the evening. Made it awkward when they had to arrange for someone attending the whole day to be her carer for the day then she needed to be taken home before the party as all day was too much.

We had an evening do, being brutally honest, they wouldn’t have made the cut if we’d had to pay for a full 3 course meal for them

I think this is why it’s considered rude, comes across to some as B&G not wanting them at the but they have to pay for.

I don’t have a strong objection to receiving an evening invitation but if you’re going to do it, make sure they are welcomed on arrival and not made to feel like spare parts. I’ve been an evening guest when someone was waiting outside to welcome evening guests with with a tray of drinks, and an evening guest where we had to stand outside for about an hour as speeches were still going. Very different experiences

That's an absurd suggestion.

Don't like them don't go.

Yes. It’s only on Mn, home of the misanthrope, where ann all-day wedding invitation is a huge insult, and for some reason, an evening invitation is even worse. For most people, an evening invitation is a nice, uncontroversial way of saying ‘You matter to us’ to distant family, colleagues, neighbours, acquaintances. No one expects you to beggar yourself travelling long distances or staying overnight, or giving lavish gifts. You decline if it’s too difficult or expensive to attend.

It’s fine - if it’s managed well! (In my experience, it usually isn’t, hence the hate for them.) By “managed well”, I mean:

• You have a discrete group or groups of people, who won’t have to travel that far and will know each other, who are invited for the evening. Eg the neighbours, work colleagues, mates from the squash club. That sort of thing. (But you don’t invite all your university friends all day apart from Lucy, who’s just asked to the evening because you don’t see her as often.)
• You lay on food and drink for these evening guests.
• You ensure that they come at a time when everyone else is in “evening mode” and not to hang around on the sidelines while the day guests are sitting at their tables. (Or - on one particularly disastrous occasion - when the sit down meal had overrun so much that all the evening guests just had to sit at the bar, ordering their own drinks, watching all the other guests eat.)

If it’s done well, it’s perfectly fine. If not, it can cause a lot of bad feeling…..

I had evening invites at mine, basically because capacity for meal was less than total capacity.
We had the meal, speaches etc, then dancing and a late evening buffet (bacon butties, wedding cake, etc, so not like a proper wedding buffet).
People who had to travel were invited for full thing, evening invites were for people who were local and were less close to us (including parents friends, who I'd known years but werent my personal friends, work colleagues, etc..).
Frankly I didnt gaf if someone gave us a gift or not, it absolutely wasnt about presents nor about boosting numbers, more "Id like to invite such-a-person but we cant fit or afford everyone for the meal/it would be weird because I dont known them that well/whatever".

Was it the only choice?

The evening party is the best bit of any decent wedding. Sitting through the same old ceremony and interminable speeches doesn't spark joy for me. Those are the boring bits.

People who get offended at only being invited to the evening bit are phenomenally petty and insecure.

I don't see why they should be scrapped. I don't think I've ever heard of people inviting guests to only the evening do if it's far away from where they live, though. It seems obvious that of course people wouldn't travel long distances or stay overnight just for an evening do.

The only evening guests I've ever heard of are people local to the wedding location who the couple like but aren't quite close enough to spend £100+ per person having them for the whole day.

Apples v oranges

If we get an evening invite we only go if it is local to us so we can get a taxi back to ours ie not have to spend much money!

Got invited to an evening for next June, it’s 90 minutes away so we won’t be going. It’s a long way to travel for just a few hours.

I think as well I don’t really like evening invites because I don’t really do late nights or drink lots.

Requires the same travel, same accommodation, same price for drinks, same new outfit. Apples v apples.

You can't have a ceilidh without a band.

I think they have a place for people who want a big party rather than a more traditional wedding breakfast. For me the evening is when you invite a wide circle.of local friends who will know each other, or at least there will be groups within it who know each other.

I went to great one last summer where the B&G invited lots of people from their sports and hobby groups and we had a blast. Those people would never have expected to be invited to the whole day. Having an evening do gave an opportunity to include people who would not otherwise have been there.

I agree, you can't expect people to travel for an evening do

I think it’s fine but also wouldn’t expect people who didn’t live near by to travel just to the evening do. Some people would travel though so I don’t think evening invites should be stopped. If the wedding is near by then there’s not much difference between inviting people to the evening do or a birthday party.

I agree a DJ is better.

Why would you decline, out of interest? Seems like a strange blanket rule to what is really just a party.

I think this was covered up thread, it’s because a birthday party everyone is just invited, not some people to blowing out the candles and some to the last dance.💃

Evening receptions are shite!
The all day guests are either bored, pissed or tired.
The B&G never mingle much with the evening guests.
They are just a lot of effort for an expensive boring evening