Context is DH and I are on the rocks and have been on/off for just under a year. About to start marriage counselling - so my perspective may be off.
DH never remembers people's birthdays or dates really. I've been at work all day, while looking after 4 year old (inset day at school) at home (didn't book it off) and had to do a million and one things, (haircut for kid, take older one to after school class) - all while pretending to be on it with work and emails
I spotted on FB that it was FIL birthday. I messaged DH at 3pm today saying "Just FYI it's your dads birthday today".
DH got home and said "no much use doing the helpful wife thing on 3pm on the day". He said it a little light-heartend but also not so much. I said "well i thought you could at least send him a message" - he said "well, it's a bit rubbish isn't it, just made me feel bad, if you're going totry to be helpful like that try a couple of days before next time". I said "come on" and he pulled the "only messing about chill out" line.
Would this wind you something silly? I didn't say anything but feel fuming. We are meant to be trying to fix thigns and things like thist just make me feel like pulling the plug. Or am I overreacting?
AIBU?
To feel pissed off at DH comment
Claphamandeggs · 15/04/2024 17:12
Am I being unreasonable?
849 votes. Final results.
POLLKnittedfairies2 · 15/04/2024 17:15
That's the last time I'd be 'helpful'. Why is it your job to remember his dad's birthday?
HoHoHoliday · 15/04/2024 17:25
He has presumed you knew about the birthday but only reminded him late in the day? It sounds like you missed out the key detail to him which was that you only realised when you saw it on facebook.
Your message to him could have said something like "Just FYI I've just seen on facebook it's your dad's birthday today, have you got time to call him or shall I call from both of us?"
Equally, his response to you could have been "thanks for flagging that up, I'd completely forgotten it was dad's birthday, I'd better call him, better late than never."
You are both snapping at each other, overreacting, over-sensitively reading more than is there. Hopefully the upcoming counselling will help you both communicate with each other better.
And you could get a shared calendar for remembering people's birthdays and other important events!
HoHoHoliday · 15/04/2024 17:25
He has presumed you knew about the birthday but only reminded him late in the day? It sounds like you missed out the key detail to him which was that you only realised when you saw it on facebook.
Your message to him could have said something like "Just FYI I've just seen on facebook it's your dad's birthday today, have you got time to call him or shall I call from both of us?"
Equally, his response to you could have been "thanks for flagging that up, I'd completely forgotten it was dad's birthday, I'd better call him, better late than never."
You are both snapping at each other, overreacting, over-sensitively reading more than is there. Hopefully the upcoming counselling will help you both communicate with each other better.
And you could get a shared calendar for remembering people's birthdays and other important events!
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HoHoHoliday · 15/04/2024 17:25
He has presumed you knew about the birthday but only reminded him late in the day? It sounds like you missed out the key detail to him which was that you only realised when you saw it on facebook.
Your message to him could have said something like "Just FYI I've just seen on facebook it's your dad's birthday today, have you got time to call him or shall I call from both of us?"
Equally, his response to you could have been "thanks for flagging that up, I'd completely forgotten it was dad's birthday, I'd better call him, better late than never."
You are both snapping at each other, overreacting, over-sensitively reading more than is there. Hopefully the upcoming counselling will help you both communicate with each other better.
And you could get a shared calendar for remembering people's birthdays and other important events!
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