to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

I’ve never been to one either.

How incredibly rude to make you remove your shoes. Kids take shoes off in my house but absolutely do not expect adults to remove their shoes when they visit. So classless. And then you had to spend the evening with everyone’s sweaty feet. Hopefully there was someone with usually sweat feet that soaked into carpet and she may have preferred shoes instead. It’s not as if anyone turn up in thick soles boots.

It's something some people do, so you need to assume it may happen. No, I don't think it's so unusual a stipulation that they need to warn you on the invitation. Your hosts aren't to know that you don't have any outfits that work independently of you being shod.

Someone did claim this upthread which of course is utter rubbish because of H&S, they generally have shoe covers.

Never in 37 years of adulthood have I been asked to remove my shoes going into someone house and no-one has spontaneously offered coming into ours either!

dh is a tradesman in and out of several peoples houses every week and in 30+ years of trading only 1 person has ever asked him to remove his shoes - I know because it was this year and he commented on it - he declined their request, compromised on shoe covers that they provided but told them he would not wear them when working as they were a safety hazard (obviously he was polite when saying this, more polite than the home owner was!)

I am usually shoe free in my own home, but only for comfort. I am afraid if you insisted I remove my shoes in your home and I didn't have socks on you would get full view of my rather unattractive feet and I would make sure to knead your your deep carpet pile with my athlete foot toes!!!

I am firmly in the, it is rude to ask guests to remove shoes camp.

I’m all for shoes off, I absolutely detest the habit of wearing shoes in the house. However with a formal event I would expect guests to stay in their shoes and mingle between inside and outside unless the invite says explicitly “no shoes”

What kind of tradesperson is he? I’ve fully renovated and never had one who has not either taken their shoes off, used a shoe cover, or changed into softer indoor shoes. Ie decorators or wardrobe fitters. I’m very surprised at any who don’t. Most see it as the basics.

Cheers but I'll stick to the no shoes in our home and all of our kids and family's practice that, but nevertheless, thank you all the same

Having a shoes off policy in a house party is anything but posh imo. I would be absolutely insulted if I was ordered to remove my shoes. I wouldn't dream of hosting a party and asking my 'all dressed up' guests to do this.

Formal event where people are dressing up - I'd expect to keep shoes on.
Informal event - wouldn't mind either way.

Don't visit Asians.

Its the norm for to take my shoes of when attending someones home, however, I have never been asked at a party.

Specialist plasterwork, working mostly on ceilings - repairs and renovations. It would be a hazard going up and down ladders in shoe covers, or not wear substantial work boots - his shoes are appropriately clean and he is busy enough he would decline a job if a customer was that awkward/rude.

How rude and inconsiderate of the hostess. If she is so precious she really shouldn't be giving parties.

To go for a pee, unless the hosts have an outdoor lav or prefer guests to piss in the shrubbery.

I would be annoyed too.

I prioritise my guests over my floors. If you can't be bothered to clean a floor afterwards or have floors so precious that you can't afford to repair or maintain them, then I don't want to be in your house.

I can't understand how potential transmission of athlete's foot or verruca's etc is more favourable than the alternative.

A mat at the entrance is sufficient for people to clean their footwear. Footwear provides traction, warmth and is safer.

People will mobility issues or arch support problems is also a concern.

The sheer stupidity of hosting a large party where people are either in socks or in the bare feet. Not to mention, the sight of someone's ugly trotters.

The likelihood of someone slipping and injuring themselves on a spilt drink or a floor where there is no friction.

Your host is very lucky she isn't facing a personal injury claim!

PS- how do people who insist on shoes off deal with wheelchair users - surely the wheels will carry the same level of dirty as shoes?

I am fine honouring cultural traditions. Particularly when my hosts are going to feed me delicious food!

I would be interested to know how the Shoeless Household arose in the UK within the fairly recent past, those who practise it for cultural reasons excepted? It isn’t a thing with my friends or family

(Cultural heritage excepted)

So you expect someone to send out an invitation with a ps. We expect you to take your shoes off in our house so please dress accordingly. Really?

I could be wrong, but to me if you have to take your shoes off, it's not a formal party.

I can't think of a single one of my friends who expect guests to take their shoes off. As another poster said upthread, expecting people to take shoes off implies that the floors or carpets are more important to the host than the guests' comfort. It's rude. Also you better hope that nobody has athlete's foot or similar, because a crowd of people padding around barefoot or in socks is a great way to spread fungal infections around.

Or, it's cultural.

Ugh I would have been livid! I can’t bear the no shoes rule anyway, it’s so rude to ask this of guests, and it absolutely is relevant to parties where attire is more formal and heels are worn. I would be fuming.

It’s so rude of the party hostess. I’m shocked she would even ask.

One of my biggest pet peeves, OP - shoes off in the house people. Why bother dressing up? I find it weird but some don't.