to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

Yes, I'd make an exception for houses where it's a definite cultural tradition

No I don't know anyone who has dogs. And why would people be going in and out of the house during a BBQ.

I find this bemusing, where do you think people go to the loo when at a bbq?of course they go in the house. And dogs are very common. You must know people have them as pets?

YABU

I don’t mind people wearing their shoes in my home but I know that some people don’t like it and so I am always prepared to take my shoes off when visiting someone else (I’ll take socks in my bag if I’m not wearing any).

You are making this a way bigger deal than it is.
I’m sure you could have just rolled your trousers up or something.

It would have been very weird for her to have put it on the invitation and it was on you to be better prepared.

I’m a pretty strict shoes off household but I make an exception for parties and just deal with a bit more clean up and a few protective measures. It’s just awkward

Who goes to a formal event and walks about with their trousers rolled up ? 😂

Yep I wouid have wanted to be told

This would be my hill to die on.

I hate, hate, HATE being made to take my shoes off in other people's homes. In fact, I only know 2 households that enforce it and I tend to style it out as they have threadbare carpets which are foul and would rather wear socks & shoes thanks.

Now, obviously, if I am wearing muddy shoes / wellies, I will of course remove them but if I have trainers on and they have a door mat then why should I?

It's treating adults like 2 year olds.

Yes, they absolutely should have told you. I do have a 'posh' friend who regularly has drinks parties and she asks in the invitation that 'no stilettos to be worn' as she has antique parquet flooring.

Genuinely never encountered this batshit removal of shoes palava for adults until I moved down south in my mid 20s. I hate it and it actually shows a disrespect to your guests.

I'm old and I have literally never in my life encountered a 'shoes off' house. I think it's really rude. I'd much rather have people wear their shoes than a tonne of sweaty kebs grossing me out!!

I’ve never been to a house party where you do take your shoes off. My house isn’t a shoes off house either so I guess it’s not the norm. Clearly there are two camps though.

If it was a house, then shoes off- I find it bizarre in the UK people dont take them off in their own homes or even owrse someone else's.

I say that as a person who grew up in a culture where it’s strictly shoes off (I’d never seen shoes on until I was a teen!).
Day to day guests are shoes off, but even my parents wouldn’t have a party and say shoes off. Smaller events we have washable slippers in a basket

Have never been to a party where guests were asked to remove their shoes.

How could you just roll your trousers up if they're a lightweight fabric?

I don't know why you think the OP should have been "better prepared" if it's not the norm for her?

I think it's freakish tbh. Floors can be cleaned!!

I find it far more bizarre that some do!

My house is shoes-off most of the time. Exceptions are tradesmen who have to wear shoes for health & safety reasons and people just stopping by in the kitchen (flooring reasons).

However, if I was having a house party with people in formal wear, I would not expect people to remove their shoes. If I was so worried about that, I'd hire a venue instead.

Fascinated by this thread - I’ve always been told to remove shoes before going into someone’s house and by default have done this since childhood. I didn’t even know it was a debate….i have silently judged people who don’t take their shoes off in my house and thought it was bad manners, although have never told anyone who left their shoes on to remove them. Never realised it wasn’t something everyone was told as a child

If she's styled it as a formal event then it should have been shoes on or a note letting you know hers was a shoes off household.
Culturally everyone I know has a shoes off home so we dress accordingly but if someone new came who didn't know and they wanted to keep theirs on then I'd not mind nor enforce my shoes off rule.

That’s super weird, we don’t wear shoes indoors and prefer guests take off but always out as everyone in our family hates wearing shoes (true). BUT if we were having a posh party absolutely NO WAY would I expect shoes off! That’s weird. Especially if the guests were mainly not good friends or family.

I don't believe you. Unless you don't know anyone. Full stop.

I'd say about half the houses in our street have a dog, and many of the rest have cats.

Impossible.

Actually in these circumstances (smart, formal cocktail party or dinner at someone's house where people dress up), it would often be expected to keep shoes on- at least that's my experience of having lived in Hong Kong for 14 years. It would be the exception to the rule.

I think you’re being obtuse by acting like you’ve never heard of anyone having a no shoes rule in their home.

I don’t like walking around in bare feet so if I know I’m going to someone’s home then I’ll take a pair of socks in my bag just in case.

If I didn’t take any socks then it would be my own fault because I know that some people have a no shoes rule.

When I was a kid, we had shoes off in the house UNLESS it was a party, in which case everyone wore shoes! I think it is mega weird to not be allowed to wear shoes at an adult gathering inside a house!

YANBU. This kind of thing is why I will always believe it's rude to insist guests take their shoes off. Shoes are part of a person's outfit. And most pavements really aren't smeared in dog shit from end to end. And most people (allergies/low immunity excepted) really aren't going to drop down dead if they encounter - shriek! - a germ.

This reminds me of the Sex and the City episode where at a "shoes off" party one of the other guests steals Carrie's Manolos.

I don't think a formal fundraising party should be shoes off, no matter what the hosts usual policy is.

Do you wear your slippers when attending house parties then? Cocktail dress and bunny slippers?