to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

When did this become a thing in the UK..?! I was here in the 90s and no one did it...
I've lived the rest of my life in tropical countries and everyone takes their shoes off BUT a) it's really fucking hot and your feet don't get cold and b) no one would expect you to take fancy shoes off if you were coming for a fancy do.

To take your shoes off in this country is wild- it's freezing in the majority of homes and my feet are staying swaddled in their 2 pairs of socks and shoes thanks!

In our house we do shoes on downstairs and shoes off upstairs (similar to our previous country of residence where you'd keep them on in 'shared' areas and remove for your bedroom and bathroom areas.) We had to clean the floors every day thanks to the environment around us, so that was also a thing.

TLDR: it's too cold in the UK for this to be a thing- or go full shoes off if you want but provide me with proper lovely warm slippers when I come to your homes please 😬

Haha! Yes, of course I would walk on carpet in shoes. The carpet will be fine.

The alternative is everyone's sweaty toes all over the place. Yuck.

And yet, somehow, we are still alive.

I am a shoes off person . Always take them off at home and when visiting anywhere but then I'd say that's the 'norm' for my friends and family.

I don't feel really strongly about it but in terms of etiquette I think I'd expect someone coming to mine to go to take their shoes off, at which point I'd tell them they can keep them on if they like. I don't really mind if they keep them on but I do think it's a bit rude to just assume it's OK.

I think this scenario is different though. A formal party with loads of visitors I'd expect to keep them on.

We don't have many parties and our house is anything but grand, but when we do it tends to be in summer and a BBQ when people are walking in and out the house to chat, grab food, go to the loo etc. I can't imagine expecting people to put shoes on and off multiple times in this scenario...do people really do that?!

@TheFlis YES!!! The British BBQ thing... wtaf..?! Take your shoes off but our houses have gardens out the back where we are going so once you've walked across the hallowed ground of our freezing tiles/ wood/ fake wood you may then put your shoes back on. Wait!! Take them off when you go back in to the bathroom! Wait! Put them back on because it's absolutely Baltic weather outside but we're pretending it's fit for a BBQ 😂😂😂

God I hate this. I have a no shoes household …for my family. I absolutely don’t ask guests to take off shoes. I have wooden floors in the most “public areas” but I often use my bed as the coat drop as it is on the main floor. It’s carpeted and guests walk on the carpet. And every posh outfit I own is so intentionally coordinated with shoes. So men in suits or tuxes…no shoes? Men in nice sweater or pants no shoes? How silly. Women in dresses or fancy pants and barefoot? Ridiculous. No way would I stand around with other posh dressed guests at a fund raiser shoeless…straight back out the door with my “donation” still in my silly little evening purse. And policing the door…another level of rudeness

I always offer to take them off when going into other people's homes, that's just polite. I'd have assumed that as it was at a house I may be expected to take my shoes off and would have chosen my outfit accordingly. However as you rarely socialise I can see why it hadn't crossed your mind.
Neither of you are in the wrong.

When people come to my house and don't remove their shoes I offer slippers (the type that hotels have) and they soon get the hint. I hate shoes in the house.

You can't host a formal party and expect people to take their shoes off! And that comes from a firm no shoes householder!

Do all PPs who claim they make any trades-person remove their PPE (protective boots/shoes) before working in their house also fully indemnify in case they drop something on their toes?

There is a bit of difference between having a couple of friends and family round and having a large formal party or any sort of party where lots of people are going to be in and out of the garden.

Has anyone claimed that? Most workmen, in fact all, I have had here simply put shoe covers on.

It’s different at a ‘posh party’ as others have said - ridiculous standing around in stocking feet in a posh outfit.

If you can’t be a good host don’t have a ‘posh party’. Such bad manners to stand over people at the doorstep demanding shoes off. If that is her vibe she should have hosted a coffee morning and not a formal party.

I don’t wear shoes at home but have wooden floors and a dog so I suggest people keep shoes on! I offer to take them off at others houses but all my friends have wooden floors and insist shoes are kept on. Especially at parties - doors to the garden are open, people wandering in and out, glasses dropped and broken..

Id have assumed no shoes but she still should have mentioned it.

This doesn’t exempt your mobile from the results of these studies, I’m afraid. The point is that we all pick up so many germs everywhere (which we deposit on our phones and computers) that unless someone is eating off the floor random small bits that may be brought into our houses on our shoes are the least of our worries.

Anyone really worried about germs should start by thoroughly disinfecting their phone and keyboard daily. Then worry about people’s shoes if you must. Personally I wash my hands and wipe my shoes when I come inside as well as observing the usual practices, then leave it. I can’t be bothered to go shoeless except out of respect for certain friends or when getting very comfortable

I feel much more uncomfortable in party type shoes than I do barefoot.

I had a friend with the smelliest feet as a teenager. They were stomach turningly awful. I would never insist people take off their shoes in my home because I don't want awful cheesy feet on my rugs! I'd much rather clean mud off as needed.

YANBU.

I agree. You have to clean the floor after a party anyway.

YABU not taking up the hem on your trousers.

For me: Event in someone's house = no shoes. Event in hotel/restaurant = shoes. Event on farm/forest = wellies......

Why would you do that when they are perfect with heels?!

I used to visit a lot of houses for work reasons, & I was only ever asked to remove my shoes in non-English households.
I carried unused hotel slippers with me, & sometimes even these were frowned upon.

Physically I think most people agree that party shoes are not the most comfortable, but if you're dressed up for a formal do, don't you think you'd look a bit daft with bare feet?

It would be funny if Red Carpet organisers started asking guests to remove their shoes!

Nooo then they'd not look as good with those fab shoes.

I think YANABU but - sorry ifit's already been asked- was it cultural? we have Muslim relatives and shoes off is a given, so we factor that in to outfit planning when visiting.

I've never been to a "shoes off" house. Surprised that so many poster are saying its the norm.

Very true. I'd pass all sorts of diseases on from my phone because I scroll, might have a cheeky pick of my nose too if im feeling raucous and you're not looking, then go and touch your light switches, mugs, door handle...... might have a fondle of your lovely cushions....stroke your dog.....ruffle your kids hair.....scratch my bum......scroll a bit more....

(Joke, I'd never ruffle a kids hair)