to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

I do in general enjoy a hyperbola. But I've genuenly never once in my 34years of existence come across a household that wears outdoor shoes inside or had a person visit who didn't automatically take off their shoes 😁

Would you be OK with wolly socks? Cause I if you are then I can start carrying them around. Even the idea of wearing my sneakers inside someone's house makes me so uncomfortable 😅

I'd assume someone with dog shit on their shoes would know?

If not and they bring it in by accident no big deal, I have cleaning stuff ☺️ and an outside tap and grass so the shit can be wiped off. Maybe then keep shoes off until they go but shoes off as standard? Nah I'm good.

Disclaimer- friends/family can remove shoes if it's comfier and they want to put their feet up. They dont generally although my bestie does if we're having a full catch up. If I don't know the person well then their trotters must be fully encased at all times!

It's weird to me to think that there are really people that walk around the inside of their homes (or other peoples) with their shoes on.

1. Shoes off is comfier
2. British street are covered in dog piss and shit so you're just traipsing filth into your home.
3. I just can't picture people doing it

I am very much shoes-off in my house, especially in any carpeted areas. DH is German and it's a habit I have readily adopted.

HOWEVER- for a posh do where people are dressed in outfits which will leave all the women in their bare or stocking feet? It's really not ok, in my opinion. These aren't shoes they've traipsed around the countryside in; they've probably barely made it to their car and out again.

FWIW I am devoted enough to the cause that I bring little slippers to wear in people's houses, but I believe an exception should be made for eveningwear. I probably wouldn't have stayed long if I had to be in bare feet at someone's house, tbh.

My ex-SIL did this! She is the only person I know with a shoes-off house and the first time I was there, in the middle of winter, she made me take off my warm boots. I didn't stay long as my feet were like blocks of ice.

When she next came to visit us, she started to remove her shoes at the door and I said "Don't bother, you know we don't do that here". She laughed and continued and I said "Seriously, keep them on. Your house, your rules, my house, my rules". She just laughed again so I let her get down to her bare feet then said "well OK, but don't blame me if you step in any puddles left by our incontinent cat."

She looked uncertain but didn't want to cave in so tiptoed cautiously wherever she went. Honestly, just keep them on! 🙄

I agree OP that for formal events, shoes are definitely part of the outfit. In your shoes (😉) I would have left, as I can't be doing with such nonsense. But no-one other than Ex-SIL has this policy anyway, everyone I know thinks it's daft.

Wow that surprises me. So many people have hard floors now, that are easily mopped. People tend to take their shoes off for comfort, at home.

i habe exposed floor boards and a huge rug. It’s cream. I only ask folks to take their shoes off if they’ve been wandering round the garden and they are clearly dirty. We take ours off. Both to keep the rug clean and for comfort.

i often have social gatherings, I never ever ask my guests to take their shoes off. To do so would be rude in my view. So many people would be uncomfortable with this, and their comfort is more important to me that the fact I might need to get the rug cleaned.

in all my friends houses with hard floors no one is ever asked to take their shoes off. It’s personal choice.

We take our shoes off at home, but I never insist on it for guests. I don't host posh parties but if I did, I'd never make people ruin their outfit by removing shoes!

It's not against the law but it would go against all h & s risk assesements and possibly affect insurance. Certainly removing PPE would be a disciplinary matter where I work.

I'm 5ft 3 and I generally need shoes/a small block heel for anything formal to look right on me.

I do like the half the people saying shoes are disgusting (which they are, really) will also be carrying a handbag around with them that has been put down everywhere, from outside where random animals have pooed to public toilet cubicles...

Ah love a shoes on/off thread!

Until i started looking at mumsnet I didn’t realise shoes off was a big thing. Obviously people take shoes off if they like or want to be comfy (like feet up on the settee comfy) but I don’t take mine off until the end of the day, i live in an old, dusty, draughty flat. If i’m at someone elses house I would ask if they minded if I took my shoes off!! Shoes off is just not that common where I live- and i’d be really annoyed if i’d a dressy outfit including nice shoes and I was expected to take them off.

We are a no shoe household and I always take my shoes off when I go in someone else’s house, so I would have just assumed that a party at someone’s house= remove shoes.

Lord no I don't wear my shoes in the house I wear slippers. DP and the DC wear sliders.

Tbh I have no idea if it's comfier in other people's homes generally as I only have the one shoes off house as a benchmark and tbf no one was ever comfy there, physically or mentally 😂

I don't think I'd find it comfy to be shoes off unless I knew the person really well. I have got horrific toenail fungus on 3 nails, psorisis that bleeds, and a collection of verrucas tho tbf 😬 only having a wafer thin layer of cotton between them and eyeballs would make me feel more exposed than I do having a smear test 🤣

That is utterly bonkers (and very definitely NOT ‘posh’).

I couldn’t imagine ever asking evening guests to remove their shoes at the door of our house. But then we have no carpet downstairs - hard floors only - so it wouldn’t even occur to me. Even if we did though, I would never do it because I’m sure it would make our guests feel uncomfortable.

But I've genuenly never once in my 34years of existence come across a household that wears outdoor shoes inside or had a person visit who didn't automatically take off their shoes 😁

Just off the top of my head I can think of about 4 people who do not automatically take their shoes off in my house or in their own home. They are older with reduced mobility.
Another with dogs who rule the house so they've replaced all the carpets with either tile or that hessian stuff which rips your feet to bits.

I've been to fancy parties at people homes, the only time people kick their shoes off is maybe towards the end of the evening when people have dispersed to more comfortable rooms.

Genuine curiosity. If I was to come over would you make me keep my shoes on? I'd be more comfortable with shoes off but obviously out of respect i would keep them on if you asked. Even in my office about 50% has different shoes for the office and quite a few of us (me included) wears wolly socks on top of our own socks. I hate the idea of wearing shoes from the moment you wake up till you go to bed (unless people wear them to bed 😮).

Who the fuck asks their guests at a formal party to do this? YANBU

Not in someone’s house it isn’t. Again, what if they have carpet? You’re going to walk all over their carpet with your shoes on?

My fancy party shoes are rarely worn, don't get worn in places at significant risk of animal shit and dirt (normally my own driveway and the drive/ car park at the destination) and are therefore probably in a more hygienic condition than my feet which sweat easily.

I also have the short-arse problem of trousers/skirts being too long, and combined with awkward feet have never found a pair of wearable, attractive and comfortable smart, flat shoes, so my formal clothes fit on the assumption that I'm wearing a couple of inches of heels.

Being unable to wear any kind of slip-on also means annoying faffing around at ground level with fiddly little ankle buckles which does not make for a welcoming entrance.

Even my grandma when she was half blind and had reduced mobility had slippers with hard soles. I might be the weirdo but genuinely nobody wears outdoor shoes inside (outside of formal gathering but ecen then it's dress shoes you usually do t wear around town). Maybe one day I'll be invited to a shoe on household and will see the error of my ways and the superiority 😅

Hmm. Not that posh if you are demanding people take shoes off at a formal event. Shows that someone is aping their betters.

Always assume shoes off in someone else’s home

I think it's rude to assume you could keep outdoor shoes on in someone's home!

Shoes indoors is disgusting

Ok, but no one uses my mobile, nor do i use the others. However, most that wear shoes will walk on a pavement where dog mess has been and or cat/fox mess that has been stepped in by others and the rain thins it out

Bridesmaids and the bride often get ready at home.
Imagine the photographer waiting outside the front door or on the drive, while they emerge one by one, holding on to the wall, swathes of fabric falling over them, while they fuss about with fancy shoes.

Or, maybe they put their shoes on in the house and walk outside.

What about wakes in people's home.
"Sorry for your loss, that was a beautiful service"
"Thank you. Please put your shoes in the box over there and then get a drink"

Or a doctor making a house call, the midwife, a paramedic.
"STOP, take your shoes off".