to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

I'm posh and I have never ever been to a shoes off party. And I have a lot of life behind me. So I think the posh thing is a red herring.

Lol

Shoes off is lower middle class and bad manners. So wasn't a posh party, just someone trying too hard.

Been to a lot of parties with posh people, never ever shoes off.

I think I'd have stayed for one drink and left, was clearly never going to be a good party. Would have just gone for a nice dinner somewhere instead so didn't get dolled up, book babysitter etc for nothing.

Gosh I didn't realise there had been so many replies!! Clearly a divisive issue!

And actually I can't believe I forgot this, but many years ago I sought therapy and had initial sessions with a few therapists so I could choose. One of them asked me to remove my boots as soon as I entered her house, where the sessions took place. I was wearing knee high boots, so they were very much part of my outfit. I felt naked once I took them off. Also, in addition to the tights, I was wearing a pair of odd socks for extra warmth. Needless to say I did not return to that therapist, but thinking back, I wish I hadn't even stayed for that session.

But since when have slippers been posh as evening attire?

When all is said and done the host was not posh enough for the type of party she was throwing.

Her floors are more important than her friends.

That isn’t universally true. A lot of aristocratic homes have shoots and the like. People change out of wellies into normal shoes if the lunch is in the house. But they don’t all waddle in in their socks.

There is a difference between having slippers on at home as a family and when hosting formally and it’s the latter that is not done.

@abominablesnowman
Yes. I leave my shoes on. If I know I am not going to leave the house again, I put slippers on. Yesterday, I left my trainers on all day whilst I worked from home

What do you think is the worst thing that could happen when I leave my shoes on in my home?

It isn’t posh. It actually isn’t even posh to obsess about how clean your house is but pop over to some of the housekeeping threads and you’d think it was the height of sophistication ( not to mention moral superiority).

People with large homes to upkeep and perhaps inherited antiques with upholstery that may be part of the value of the piece, or valuable old carpets do not exist in dust free environments. Also where there is still period glass in window panes it is much thinner and more brittle so you can’t clean them as vigorously or as often.

I sit on the sofa cross legged quite a lot. We are relaxed about shoes on in the house although we mostly wear slippers indoors (I don't give slippers to other people - I didn't know that was a thing until I joined MN) but if my feet are on the sofa I wouldn't wear shoes or slippers

Yes I do..... please shoot me now!

That doesn't stop you wearing socks

@Calliopespa I'm speaking from my own experience. I appreciate yours may well be different.

Every day shoes are different to shoes you'd wear to a party. They've probably not had much outdoor use. They should be fine.

@KateDelRick
What do you think could happen if someone/you wore 'everyday shoes' indoors?

The sky would fall in.

@JustABitOfUncertainty just to derail your thread but what are toeless tights, what is their purpose and why do they have to be worn with cocktail dresses?

I think you can wear them with open toed sandals.

I get that you were disappointed and I get why, but I think that would be a really strange thing to put on the event invitation.
It's just one of those things 🤷🏼‍♀️

Doesn't that look utterly bizarre? Tights on your legs and naked toes? I don't understand why this would have embarrassed the op more when she took off her shoes because everyone would already be able to see the nanaism of it.

@KateDelRick and @abominablesnowman

The sky is holding up fine in Berkshire plus all the other places I have lived.

Genuinely, what do you think could happen if people wore 'everyday shoes' indoors?

When guests come into my home, informally or formally, I want them to feel as comfortable as possible. By asking them to take their shoes off, you are making it about you not them. As others have said, you are placing more importance on your floor than people which is really bad hosting.

I do.
I have a dog
I hoover every day anyway

We are a shoes off household but really only apply that to ourselves, I never ask guests to remove their shoes - unless of course really muddy or something. Especially for a party - removal of shoes completely changes an outfit.

I also feel for elderly people in this scenario, where taking shoes on and off can really affect mobility.

It's not a posh party either if you are asked to take your shoes off. Can you imagine rocking up to Clarence House for cocktails and being asked to remove your shoes at the door?

In Asia it is standard in all homes but then my experience is that most Asian people (at least that I knew) typically would not host big 'parties' at their homes.

Yes, and in all of my life I have only been to one "please take your shoes off" household, and they were weirdos.