to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

I agree

It’s the fact it was a dress up event. It’s not a big deal to take shoes off normally (wearing jeans or casual wear). But for a special event you are not unusual to have your shoes as an important part of your outfit.

No. It is for sitting on. Why would you?
The exception may be an ill child but they would be in pjs and wrapped in a duvet but an adult wouldn't need to put their feet up on a sofa.

It's your home, your sofa get comfy

Do you mean on one of those Fatboy lounger/cup holder things that lift your legs up?

No i mean lay on your sofa and watch some telly and relax. Do you not let your kids lay on them either

I'd have gone home too. In my friendship group we all often host parties and cocktails get togethers in our own homes. I have never once been asked to remove my (stunning Irregular choice) shoes.
The idea of a load of people all dressed up in suits and party frocks and standing around in their socks is hilarious tbh 😂Don't MNers ever dance at parties? Would that not be a bit dangerous in socks and tights? Especially with wooden floors 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I refuse to believe tradesmen take their shoes off when going to peoples
homes. Only on MN would you read that. 😆 most trades will be wearing steel capped boots for safety.

I work in people’s homes and I am not allowed to work without enclosed shoes. I’d have to turn around and leave if they wanted shoes off.

Taking your shoes off in a house is not posh - quite the opposite I’d say.
I’d be really cheesed off if that happened to me without any notice.

Surely you use shoe protectors/covers though to ensure you don't walk dirt into customers houses?

No one has ever asked me to, I have never been to a house with a shoes off rule. I’ve never met anyone with a shoes off rule.

This!

Yup. I literally don't know anyone in the UK who insists on shoes off indoors. My only experience of it is in watching shows like Clean It Fix It or Sort Your Life Out, and they often have ridiculous quantities of shoes piled by the front door, and I've wondered why would you do that - and now realise why.

It instantly became less posh when she did that.

Very rude. Why host a formal event if this is your rule?

No it's not the UK, it's Mumsnet. I've managed to reach the age of almost 65 in the UK and I've never encountered this.

It is absurd to expect guests to a largely formal fundraising party event to take their shoes off. Honestly. If you can’t host properly, don’t do it. Or host in a separate location. She has embarrassed herself by demanding guests take part of their outfits off.

And as if that poster has spoken for that entire demographic.

If we're going to get into the minutiae of the British class system it strikes me, as someone originally from a rural, land owning middle class background and now an urban dweller in the historic part of one of the UK's cooler cities, as .terribly Hyacinth Bucket failing miserably to be upwardly mobile.

I appreciate the appalling snobbery in that, but basically my floor coverings are not more important than my guests.

I wouldn't want lots of people turning up and dragging dirt and germs through the house. Goodness knows what they at have walked through in those shoes.
They could have worn them through a hospital and bringing all sorts in, so I don't blame the host.

What I would suggest though is if it was a 'posh' party, the host could have provided slippers or something else for the guests to wear.

I hope the host never has a medical emergency. Anything could happen while they wait for the doctors or ambulance crew take their shoes off.

Shoes are for outside. Going into someone's house and expecting to be able to wear shoes is gross and entitled. I don't feel I should have to tell you this.

Do you people wear shoes inside your own houses?

No she reclines 😂

These threads always always descend into chaos. And I never understand why. I have never been to a house where shoes are kept on. Houses of working class people, middle class people, old money aristocratic people-every one of them shoes off.

God forbid that the wheelchair/hospital bed fundraiser host asked you to take your shoes off in their own home and ruined your carefully curated outfit! hopefully they still managed to carry on regardless, despite the fact it 'wasnt for her child'

Glad you didn't opt for the toeless tights/cocktail dress combo either 😂

I've never been to a house where I was expected to take my shoes off.

I would never walk around in socks in front of anyone. I wouldn't wear slippers in front of guests either.

Of course I wear shoes in my own house, if I want to.

Has it never occurred to you that people might not want your trotters about the place?

All these people who are paranoid about dirt and germs (you know you can also sometimes clean your house?) what do you do about dogs ans cats inside? Do you make them disinfect their paws?