to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

I only thought if this btw because I have, on occasion, felt like asking.

BUT I didn’t because I’m not rude enough to make my guests feel dirty and uncomfortable ( and also because “ Do you mind slipping your trousers off?” would really be weird. )

I'm in a minority among friends that we wear (and allow others to wear) shoes indoors but I'd expect to take shoes off when I go to other peoples houses
But I feel like there are different rules for parties. Shoes are part of an outfit. I'm super short (less than 5ft) and I like being a bit taller in heels - sometimes I even get to have eye level conversations with people - and several outfits are really unflattering without shoes!

I have three of those professions in my immediate family I can assure you they all wear very smart shoes. And they're not expecting to take them off in our home.

It's appallingly bad manners. Some homes have limestone, tiled, marble floors which frankly are cold.

I sat in a room recently at a beautifully set dining room table. Beautiful food. All I could think of was my icy cold feet which after a couple of hours were numb. A fellow guest admitted to the same issue. We left early. Our hosts meanwhile wore very elegant slippers.

It's ridiculous. I have to have orthapedic shoes on. Standing on hard floors without some cushioned support guarantees a 2-3 day muscular tension migraine (completely debilitating). I'd have to sit for a bit then excuse myself & go home.

The only person I know who has a shoes off policy is SIL, who thinks she's it's upper class. She wears expensive indoor slides but expects us to go barefoot. She was unimpressed when I refused in her new (tiled) house. She knows about my issue too. I'm happy to bring my indoor slip ons if I know.

You’d be accused of having notions.

Shoes off indoors is naff. Lower middle class. Can we all move on now.

Christ the UK is such a bizarre place sometimes. Its absolutely not normal to have shoes off for a party. It's childish and weird.

Also selfish.

The host wants to host but doesn’t want to clean or risk wear and tear on their floor.

It is difficult for shorter women. I’m 5’1 and although I do now wear wellies much of the time, if I’m with a group of people who are close by, I feel so uncomfortable being so much smaller than most other people. I look like a little doll.

I’m envious of your Esska platforms….gosh I adore those shoes but can justify spending that amount of money on shoes that I can’t wear on dog walks!

It’s definitely not upper class or polite to care about your floors more than your guests comfort.

Those are not the only exceptions.

I am from the Caribbean and it is absolutely the norm here in my country to remove shoes upon entry. My father was born in India and it was done there as well.

It is seem as very unhygienic to come in to someone's home with the shoes with which you were walking outdoors. It is also seen as very disrespectful by guests to keep their shoes on. Everyone here removes their shoes upon entry and it's actually seen as the polite, courteous thing to do. Nothing to do with being too lazy to clean (floors are swept and mopped at least twice a week here anyway) but everything to do with hygiene.

It's definitely common in Asia but certainly not just Eastern parts of the world.

Well said.

Next time could you pretend to have athletes foot? 🤣 (I have chronic athletes foot so I wouldn’t be lying!)

I think making people take their shoes off at a party in your house is rude. I never ask anyone to take their shoes off even on a regular visit because I just don't care about that kind of stuff, even though none of our family wear shoes in our own home. Guests should feel comfortable!

Oh! I know you won’t have meant it this way, but I’d hate people to think I’m lazy, only my Parkinson’s means it’s really really hard for me to clean etc., so yes, I do say “no shoes indoors”!

It's just common curtsey as it an official occasion charity event to let people know on the invitions leaflets about this code of dress,

As in my neck of the woods this us very kirky unausaul way of doing things,

Unless it was a house party gathering of people. 🥳 6

What happens if people have athletes foot or and smelly feet 🤔 then if someone has a etiquette code such as this then at official or unofficial events L.o.l 🥰

Like myself has had ar times

that's athletes foot problems

That would be so embarrassing at such an event! All dressed up and your feet honking a pong!

No we just live in a northern village - it's very muddy!

The thought of having a houseful of people that I don't know really well, walking around my home without shoes makes me shudder. Only very close family and friends are allowed to take their shoes off and I offer them slippers. At a formal party its so rude not to give notice

It is the total opposite of upper class!

I have a partially missing toe and wouldn't have been wearing tights/socks and so I would have turned around and gone home as it not something that I wish to share or discuss.

So do you wear shoes all the time in your house, like would you put your feet up on the settee with shoes on. Just curious

I wouldn't put my feet on the sofa- it isnt a bed?

You never lay on your sofa 😲