to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

I think this thread has shown its a bit of a moot point that all the floor germs are bad, given all the “shoes on” people are still alive and well. I am one of those dirty specimen and still thriving even after 45 yrs of living in all that filth.

I think there's an age element to it to. Older people seem horrified by the notion of feet.

My friends (all late 30s), lawyers/accountants/doctors/architects mainly, almost never wear heels or really any sort of "smart" shoe unless absolutely required for a work event. They are awful for your feet.

That is just weird and rude.

Oh look who has posh friends 🙄

I know plenty of young professionals and they all wear smart shoes.

As a family and close friends, we are shoes off. We are so old now our close friends bring their slippers .

However, every other year now we have a big party and I wouldn't dream of asking people to remove their shoes. I've never been asked to remove mine at a party either.

Every tradesman I've had round in the last couple of decades arrives with shoes covers.

Shoes off imo is SO rude. But then I have a dog who tramps god knows what in each day and we're still here lol. But seriously, I can't imagine expecting guests to remove shoes. Awful.

I have never been to a shoes off social function.

At home yes we try to be. I’m the worst offender as I always get in the car then remember I’ve left something inside.

Visiting children I ask to skip them off but children have dear little feet that are nothing to be ashamed of and also normally wear socks.

I would never ask an adult guest to - even if a casual get-together just the two of us. If they offered I’d say only if you genuinely don’t mind.

If it’s cultural ( eg a mosque or friends from a different culture) it’s a bit different as you come prepared.

But to blindside a guest or press a communal pair on them in other circumstances is crass.

Oh God who actually cares

Being honest about learning something new on the internet is weird and rude? 😕

Well there would be no thread if no-one cared. And you’d be bored 😐 because you’re reading it.

No, insisting people take their shoes off is weird and rude.

Discriminatory too potentially. People with diabetes are advised not to walk barefoot.

😊feet are disgusting. That's why humans have shoes.

Tbh public transport is grubby.

Next it will be take your trousers off to sit on my seating.

And what class do you think you are

I would assume that a party in someone’s home could be shoes off and choose my outfit accordingly and take some nice footise type socks in my handbag just in case.

If visiting someone's home then not unreasonable to expect to be asked to remove shoes. (However it is a bit more unusual given that it was a very formal event, e.g. men in suits with their socks.) I don't think this needs to be stated in advance.

Oh, I think you've assumed a bit there. Noone insists, I'm struggling to think if I've ever even been asked to do it or seen someone ask. It just felt like something which everyone did without questioning. That's why this has been so eye opening!!

Oh look who has posh friends 🙄

Not really - its not illustrating the point well if i talk about friends who only wear trainers but they are gym instructors. The point being that expectations have shifted hugely in the last 10 years. When i began my career it was 100% suits & ties etc, formal court shoes.

Now the lead partner on my account comes to my office in a relaxed style of dress from hush & trainers/slip on flat shoes, plenty of the blokes are in a polo shirt and chinos.

Its a good thing, its much more inclusive. I have a colleague with a stoma who finds it much easier now there's far more flexibility over what she wears, and having had issues for years myself following a bad foot break I'm relieved I can wear sensible, supportive footwear.

Well it's something I have never in all my life been asked to do. Thankfully. Eye opening both ways.

I would not be taking my shoes off at a function type event. I don’t take them off in general, and don’t think I can recall it ever being an issue - also in Scotland, maybe it’s not such a thing here. Really rude to insist and I just wouldn’t do it, shoes are my ‘thing’ and they are staying on my feet, lol.

DP has an illness which requires him to wear shoes (unless in the bath / swimming / in bed), not slippers, shoes. At home he wears a pair of clean mocassins that never go outside. He has another pair of house only mocassins that he takes with him when we go to anyone's home and some people are still funny about it even though you can literally see his illness.

Then he needs a sick note😂.

Just kidding: I’m shoes on for guests brigade.

Yes quite!! What are the chances that this topic can be so divisive and yet we've each (and others from the comments) never experienced the opposite. Is there something about people who attract one another as friends and then create families, or areas of the country? How has this happened?! Oo the intrigue!! 😂

what class do you think you are

Lower middle ta! There's sugar in my tea, we are shoes off to save the carpets, i use these words: toilet, lounge, serviette, pardon.

My sons hair is cut short and my daughter gets proper tight plaits for school, no job/accent/education in the world can pull me any further up the class system

This is literally the only place I have ever heard of this as an expectation! Baffling!