to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

@eise Yes, these are more or less my thoughts. Especially now (lambing season) there is a slight risk to pregnant women, for example. Not everyone would know I'd been walking through the farm as I'll clean my shoes on top as we also wear slippers or socks only indoors, and I'd hate to bring that into someone's home.
I also live in the UK and don't know anyone who would walk into someone's house wearing outdoor shoes. Perhaps it makes me dreadfully common in the eyes of the MN upper classes, but I would ask someone to remove outdoor shoes if they wanted to wear them in my house. 😅

There’s some strange fuckers out there 🙄

Charles with hole in the sock when visiting a mosque

I am amazed at how many people expect visitors to take their shoes off when they visit them at home.
I think it is incredibly rude & unwelcoming to do this and totally unreasonable in the circumstances outlined in the OP

I wouldn't dream of doing this unless people were wearing muddy boots/wellies.
I've reached an age where I don't give a fuck - I have and will leave if someone tries this on me.
I have reynauds and would be in pain within minutes if I wandered around without shoes on.

I have some very wealthy friends - the only time I can remember keeping shoes on is when the party was outside.

@CamoPenguin

Yours is a valid but unusual reason for shoes off. I can’t imagine many of the party guests had been walking through lamb and sheep bodily fluid on their way to a formal party in smart clothes.

In your case of course it makes sense to take a spare pair of clean shoes with you.

Most folk are just walking from car to door, or from the bus stop.

Could have been worse @JustABitOfUncertainty , they could have been one of the 'no outdoor clothes' households (I spend too long on MN) where you would have been expected to put on host provided loungewear if you hadnt brought your own.

@SaltyGod It definitely isn't something most people will have to deal with, but it was more in reference to those saying they'd be horrified if a guest took their shoes off when going into their house and saying people who do so are weird.

I think it's personal preference, and if someone asked me to keep my outdoor shoes on of course I would, but I don't think it's strange either to not want whatever has been walked on outdoors brought into your house.

No one has yet said where all these shoes are left, is it a big pile where you hope to find both your shoes again or special holders or do you carry them with you all evening. It's not going to be like when a couple of people visit and they are left by the front door.

Dogs and animals still poo outside last I checked. It's still very unhygienic.

I went to my friends house to drop of her daughter off today and while chatting inside by her main entrance I removed my shoes. My DD removed her shoes and went off inside to play briefly. Her son's friend was visiting and his shoes were at the door. It's just perfectly normal. I am not sure why people are surprised.

If taking your shoes off inside is such a norm in the UK, how do you explain Kirstie & Phil and their househunters touring potential homes with shoes on? Or Kevin McCloud, George Clarke, Tinie and Angela Scanlon going round the transformed homes on their shows with their shoes on?

If it was such a norm, TV makers would get them to take their shoes off so the viewer could relate to them. But in fact they keep shoes on because who wants to see a TV host in their socks or bare feet? Nobody. Same applies to a fellow guest at a party IMO.

I think you've got that completely wrong, I was replying to someone else who was talking about it this being a class division. I said nothing about my class, (which as someone from abroad I find funny and watch from afar) was talking about the area I live in. As you've just demonstrated people get so touchy and worked up about imaginary divisions. Especially when they themselves have some chip in the shoulder. But please do continue to harass random people on the Internet. That's not vulgar at all. Ciao and ta-ta darling.

If I knew or suspected in advance I'd wear slippers. But I wouldn't want to dress up posh in that case.
I really dislike going to other people's bathrooms barefoot or (worse!) in socks, you then end up wet and sticky for the rest of the evening.
In a party environment there is also a risk of bare feet and broken glass.

Because it was a formal party not a casual visit.

For a formal party I would expect shoes to stay on whatever the normal household rules.

I wonder if this was one of those occasions where the first guests were friends of host who followed the normal rules without thinking. After that the host doubled down on it.

First thing I do in someone else's house is take my shoes off.......I also advise people to wipe their feet on the way out if they are visiting mine 🤣🤣🤣

Maybe it depends where you live but it's certainly not the norm where I am from. I would never dream of asking a guest to take off their shoes. To me, that is rude. I generally take off my own shoes and wear slippers in my house but not when I'm hosting a party. Shoes most certainly are part of an outfit and a heads up should have been given.

What would you wear to a formal party then?
I just can't see cocktail dress and socks being a good look.

That's not a party though is it, you were just visiting, this thread is about parties.

I'm a shoes off household but no way would I expect party guests to remove shoes.

Even if you are invited to a formal party and you're dressed up with a nice dress and fancy shoes?

@eise if you stood in the entrance to my house on a drop off and removed your shoes whilst we had a quick chat I would think it very odd. More worryingly I would think you were hoping to stay!

Yup..... guess I'm working class 🤣

There have been times when presenters have taken off their shoes. Noticed it several times with Kevin McCloud on Grand Designs in particular. I've seen others too, usually when the presenter is looking around a newly built/newly refurbished home with new flooring just installed!

Not really as likely with Kirsty and Phil as they're generally looking around houses that are for sale, and the owners will have lived there a while and probably more interested in selling it than trying to keep the carpets clean if they're hoping to move in a couple of months!!

It's not really something that the cameramen/producers make an effort to show - often you don't see full body shots so wouldn't know if the presenter is wearing shoes in the house or not!

I think if you're going to someone's house it's polite to remove shoes as standard.