to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

@Blueocean18 exactly. Making people take shoes off was considered "common" and ill mannered when I was growing up unless it was someone from another culture where this is the norm or there was real reason to protect the floor eg kids had been out in mud and host had a brand new cream carpet or something. Same with taking shoes off in someone else's house - very over familiar and weird. This must have been the general stance because when I went on an exchange visit at college part of the pre trip information was about etiquette regarding shoes off in the country we were going to. If taking shoes off was usual they wouldn't have included that? Now I take the view that it's each to their own but it's still something I wouldn't do.

I'm not in Canada

Very fetching with a little black dress. How to make people feel welcome 🤣

You dont really need to go into some attacking mode :) I dont know what pcp is sorry. I do assume you are joking.
NR class I think would be shoes on, wanting to appear posh and therefore showing off clothes, and not relaxed (nor comfortable MC indeed).

Yes, this has happened to me too and I wasn’t happy either.
If I was visiting for a coffee, I’d absolutely take off my shoes, no problem. But if you’re hosting a party, obviously people will get dressed up and I wouldn’t expect to be treated like a child and asked to take my shoes off. If it was my party, I’d presume one of the chores would be vacuuming and mopping floors after lots of visitors before any young children were allowed to crawl on it again.

Honestly, I think if you’re so precious about floors and germs, don’t host big parties.

I agree

Shoes off is a very lower middle class trait.

A higher social class household would not have such a policy and treat guests as less important than their floor.

It's not about the actual shoes, rather the tendency to wade into a thread and declare what middle class habit you've established in your naice area to raise yourself above the vulgar shoe-wearing inhabitants of the common postcodes down the road.

All very cringe.

So the blokes were standing around in suits with bare feet? How weird!

@CamoPenguin It is unhygienic. I lived in Scandinavia - even the children had indoor shoes for school.
I grew up in a house where you left shoes at the door although my parents would allow people in with their shoes. Taking shoes off was a sign of respecting someone's home and not bringing dirt indoors.
Most of my friends where I live have the same rule - no shoes indoors. Very rarely have I been to someone's house and they asked me to bring shoes in. Maybe once in 20 years - I live in the UK, south.

Might have been a posh party but it wasn’t classy!

I find it really rude when people insist on shoes off, I tend to offer anyway but insisting someone take their shoes off is very unwelcoming for so many reasons.

Lower middle is shoes off, worrying about their floors and germs

It sounds horrific!

treat guests as less important than their floor.

Nail on the head.

Yup, attacking someone the second they come in the door and implying they're either inherently grimy or the don't have the sense to avoid the dog shit 3 doors down.

I wonder do these posters have a fit of the vapors when someone travels by bus then sits down on their sofa?

For a party she could have rolled away the rugs, put a cling film type wrap on the floors, added some extra rugs, scheduled a hoovering for the day after, topped up on Vanish for carpets.

We don’t have shoes indoors but parties are a different matter. How to make people feel awkward.

Well put 👏👏

Why is class an issue? Who cares if someone is working, middle or whatever class? I don't think every upper middle class person insists on shoes on. The class system is so silly, and usually used to put people down on MN.

Definitely not a posh party. If they were truly 'posh' they would have hard floors and any wooden floors (real) would be covered in scratches caused by their dogs claws.
I wouldn't consider myself posh, but would rather eat my own hair than ask anyone to remove their shoes in my house. 😁

I’d probably assume shoes off as we don’t have shoes in the house either.

That's ridiculous, who makes people take their shoes off for a proper party? We are generally a shoes of household but I would never insist and don't expect it when we are hosting parties.

I’d also be curious to know if those who are extremely concerned with microscopic bits of dirt, germs and animal poo dragged in on outdoor shoes have pet cats and dogs?

It’s not an ‘issue’ but as this is the UK everything seems to be perceived as an indication of class 🤣

And if I had to call it, shoes off would be lower middle or middle middle, and shoes on would be upper middle or upper. I can’t imagine the Duke of Devonshire hosting a party of people in their stockinged feet. A Google suggests that the Torygraph, Times and DailyMail all agree, so it must be true.

It’s Mumsnet, it often boils down to class comments a few pages in.

Are people missing that this was a formal fundraising party for guests who were not friends of the host? I think that there is a huge difference between asking your friends to remove their shoes and asking it of people you don’t know and who you are hoping will give money to a charity/have paid a donation to be there.

Really people? A formal party you expect people to take shoes off?
No. This is bizarre. And kinda gross. Bare feet on wood floors are far worse than 'outdoor' shoes.