to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

So you stood next to your shoes by the door, what was the point of taking them off.

But you wouldn’t know what they had on the bottom of their shoes unless it was enough to stink. There was a horrible statistic recently about the amount of dog poo on the floors in people’s houses because of how filthy our pavements have become. Not to mention all of the other dirt that people walk through. It’s baffling that anyone would allow outdoor shoes inside.

🤣

What’s a bus? 😂

How odd to make people take shoes off at a party. That is absolutely not normal!!

Popping round for a cup of tea I get but you still need to let the visitor know so that can wear appropriate socks ect.

If you are that extreme don't host a party.

A lot of these people have dogs and cats anyway walking on the floors

My “shoes off” approach started when my DC was crawling. It occurred to me then that people could track all sorts in with them.

Constantly argued with my idiot now exH about it - until he tracked white gloss paint all the way through the house which he’d trodden on in the hallway, which was being decorated at the time.

When I got my own place with my DC, it was one of the many “we’re doing this my way now” things that I was enjoying immensely.

Of course there will be exceptions. But I assure you that it is only in a few cases and yes you do see feet most of the time.

and frankly, following your “the owners just want to sell” logic, surely the host of this party should have been more interested in raising money than anything else?

Completely agree. I would never expect that of guests. It’s demeaning.

If I was throwing a big party I would offfer covers for the shoes . You can also buy your own in fabric or plastic

I never understand no shoes policy - unless it's a religious thing, e.g. Hindus tend to remove shoes when going into a house - and do think you ought to have been told. I went to such a party (not Hindus) once and had to remove my shoes and was monstrously unhappy and embarrassed as at that time I had a bunion on my left foot, felt I had to hide it all evening and entirely spoiled the evening. Hosts should consider that guests may have reasons for not removing footwear.

Not welcome!
Wheelchairs, people with balance issues, raynaud's, multiple sclerosis, arch problems, mental health issues to name but a few, not to mention the worry of guests at a party stepping on broken glass (it does happen) enough said. Leave your shoes on people but make sure you give them a good clean on hopefully a provided shoe mat. This obviously doesn't include footwear caked in mud. Anything else is unwelcoming & quite frankly rude to insinuate my flooring is cleaner than you who are very obviously dirty on entering my house.

A note should have been included with thee invitation. Just as well it wasn't summer and the guests didn't spill out into the garden.

I wear special orthotic inserts .I really would have wanted warning and to be able to bring my slippers so I could wear them .
Happy to do this but i would have been really sore for days afterwards if wandering around without my inserts .Plus does no one get cold feet in mumsnet world .

This!

Maybe it’s a swinging thing? You pick a random pair of shoes to find who you’re spending the evening with?

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

This episode was screened more than twenty years ago.

A note on the invitation would be nice, but removal of shoes on entering homes is pretty common these days. Surely, even the dimmest would have realised that there was a possibility that shoes would need to be removed and would have planned accordingly.

Agreed. All those bare feet - grim

For a formal event?!

Fine to be a shoes off household ( we are - in theory). I also ask visiting children to take off their shoes but draw the line at adult guests unless they offer ( and I accept!)

But for a formal fundraiser when people are in cocktail attire or similar?!

If you aren’t prepared to get the carpet cleaner in as part of the hosting expense ( for an event on that scale) you aren’t in a position to host it at home as far as I’m concerned.

Never in all my years of living have I been asked to take my shoes off in anyone’s house.

It's all about context, isn't it?

Informal party - certainly would cross my mind.
Formal fundraising party - wouldn't expect it at all.

Yeah I’m with you. Verruca gathering. I’d far rather have shoes

I’m not sure it’s to do with dimness. It’s clearly a social milieu thing.

I’m surprised by the number of people who say shoes off are to spare the floor or avoid having to clean it the next day. We’re a shoes off house because we have a baby and outdoor shoes literally have poo and dirt on them (even if you can’t see it). Wearing outdoor shoes in someone’s house is foul 😖It’s eye opening to read so many responses that don’t see it that way!

I have been to parties we only kept shoes on if the party was in the garden.