to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

I would be nervous if I arrived at someone's home to find polythene on the floor, I would be looking round expecting some sort of heist at any moment!

Two exceptions

1. Places like my mother's house - you'd need to wear full steel toecaps for protection and hose them down afterwards.
2. My mate's house/when he visits here - he's diabetic and has neuropathy, so has to wear shoes at all times.

Otherwise, I'd always think it was a possibility. And, tbh, the prospect of standing around in heels fills me with horror anyhow, so I'd be far more comfortable if I could take shoes off and not have to concern myself with other people's opinions on class/appearances or have somebody stomp on my foot.

That was definitely not a posh party, OP.

Sounds hideous! 😱
Poor hosting, bad manners and fucking rude.

I literally don't know anyone who has a no shoes policy. So I'd also probably go home and if I'd known prior then I wouldn't have attended at all. When you've dressed up for a formal evening you don't want to be standing about in bare feet or slippers.

It's different if you go to a friends and they have a no shoes policy (not that I know anyone who has one) as you'd then have your socks on or your casual clothes and bare feet wouldn't matter.

I can't imagine going into someone's house and expecting to keep my outdoor shoes on, that's rude. I take my shoes off going into someone's house unless they explicitly say not to, I don't imagine they want whatever I've trodden on outside walked through the house, even if it is just germs and microscopic dirt.

I'm shoes off in general, but at a fancier/bigger party they can stay on and we'll do a really thorough mop and carpet clean the next day

Did you not realise the party was at their house?

Otherwise, it's basic good manners to remove your shoes so you don't track mud, dirt, traces of urine and faeces and spit and all the other crap that's on the pavement into their flat/house.

I mean that should be automatic when you step inside, they shouldn't even have to ask, it's a basic signal of respect for your host and their home.

People on here can be so slovenly and ill-mannered sometimes.

I agree with this! As for you should respect their floors - what the hell? How about respecting your guests? A good host puts guests' comfort & convenience first, certainly ahead of her floor maintenance.

Maybe they should have provided a servant at the entrance, armed with a bumper pack of Flash wipes to clean the soles of everyone's shoes on arrival. Or covered their precious floors. Or invited guests to come in their pyjamas, bringing slippers!

I'm curious as to what you shoeless people think "dressing up" shoes are for? If you only wear them in the car and from pavement to doorway, who gets to appreciate them?

Yeah, if it was in her home I would have assumed it was shoes off. So it depends.

Actually getting hives at the thought someone might just take their shoes off and waltz in without checking its ok 😩

I'm pouring myself a gin to settle my nerves.

Hate that
No way am i wearing someone else's slippers

This is utterly bizarre, there is no way I would have removed my shoes. Why do people have such a problem with shoes, you have probably only walked from the car/taxi to the front door. I have never, ever been asked to remove my shoes and I never will.

Not convinced that it was a ‘posh’ party either as posh people don’t have carpet in most of the ground floor so where is the problem? I also think there is a class divide in this issue.

I would expect shoes off. Don' t like tracking dirt into someone's house and vice versa. I would ask a guest to take their shoes off though.

Well I would assume shoes are off when I go to someone’s house. Especially people with children. Why would you expect this to be on the invitation, it isn’t something extraordinary? Im surprised at some of the responses, I've never been to a shoes on house party and I live on London...There might be a generational or geography divide here, it is certainly the done thing over here.

Shoes off here and our visitors always assume the same.

What was the problem OP? Were your feet dry or hard? I always carry a pair of socks as my feet aren't always mani+pedi fresh.
We don't do shoes in my house and I don't have any friends who do - it's fairly normal for me not to wear shoes in the house and I expect all guests to do the same otherwise goodbye.

This topic is always so interesting as it is so divisive.

I genuinely don’t know a shoes off household. I can’t imagine being asked to take shoes off at a formal party, party outfits don’t work in bare feet. I also really don’t like feet, the thought of all those sweaty socks and toes mingling on carpet gives me the shivers (granted this is a me issue 🤣)

Unless someone has hiked over hill and dale to get to my house and were all muddy, we are shoes on. Please keep your shoes on in my house 😄

• by class divide you mean working class versus middle class, there might be... I live in a middle class area and we always take our shoes off. More hygienic etc.

Absolutely! Fucking common. 😮

This seems so strange to me. I'm in Canada and shoes off is standard.

It's the dirt under your shoes not a carpet issue. You would have to take your shoes off at mine or bring your own indoor shoes if you don't want to borrow a pair of clean socks or our indoor shoes (slippers).

Also agree, it can’t have been a posh party

Nouveau middle class then, the established, comfortable middle classes don't announce themselves in such vulgar ways.

Lots of white pcp cars in your area I assume.

I genuinely didn't realise some people would rather I wear my outdoor shoes in their house! I'll maybe check in future, although I don't know anyone who doesn't prefer guests taking their shoes off. I walk around farms a lot and am conscious that I've been walking through mud and various types of animal muck, not always visible, but I'm aware that even after walking some off, it's still unhgyienic and carries a contamination risk in some cases. I will in no way walk that through my house, which is why I'd take them off elsewhere.