to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

Or with a toe-hole having appeared in their tights, as happened to me once. Spending three hours with one's toes curled under isn't exactly conducive to relaxing chat.

Shoes off is totally alien to me but that’s probably because I’m from the west of Ireland. It’s not something we do here.

We’re a shoes off house, all my friends houses are shoes off too and all DC friends automatically take shoes off at the door here.
But, if I was hosting a posh party I wouldn’t expect everybody to remove their shoes and ruin outfits.

What if you didn’t have tights or socks on? Euuuwwwww, people walking around barefoot? Veruccas! Or if you had on a gorgeous dress and shoes but your toenails were in a bad state? I wouldn’t have been too happy. I don’t go to posh parties but I reckon I’d have had all these thoughts and checked with the host.

I know nobody in real life who has a shoes off rule. I also know nobody in real life who has dropped dead from shoe germs.

Mn hivemind is weird, and probably being spurred on by a few foot fetishists posing as neat freaks.

How is having to walk around in your socks posh or formal in any way?
I've never been required to take my shoes off at a house party. I've never had any friends with a 'no shoes rule'.
I'd have left.

I would say you take your shoes off as expected when visiting but for a party people are dressed up and keep your shoes on. I am a shoes off house and so is everyone else and so informal visiting I take off shoes but for a party, I have never seen anyone expecting people to take off the shoes.

Poor form!

I say that as someone that likes a shoes off house usually, but when we host parties I definitely expect to clean the floors throughly the following morning and let my guests enjoy themselves with or without shoes!

She should have hired a marquee if she is that precious.

What do "protective measures" look like at a party? I am imagining plastic sheeting over the floors!

Body bags! 😂

I live in Scotland and would always expect to take my shoes off in someone's home as I do in my own house. I like to lounge about on the carpet and wouldn't like to think I'm sitting on all the dirt brought into the house by shoes that have walked over god knows what outside!

Full PPE?

I don’t have bunny slippers. I would just go bare footed but my MIL would slippers.

I do have plastic blue shoe covers for work men - you could offer those to your guests. It will look very fetching with a cocktail 🍸 dress!

https://www.medisupplies.co.uk/Protective-Clothing-Equipment/Overshoes/Disposable-16-Blue-Overshoes?utm_source=google&utm_medium=product_feed_or_listings&pl=STD&ccv=Y&sku=PMC9630&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIw8zN1N7EhQMVN5lQBh3JwggmEAQYASABEgISKfD_BwE

If it was a usual party at someone's home, I'd automatically expect shoes off. Many homes are shoes off, so it is normal to count with it.

However, this was "a posh party". How does a posh party look? Were there an official dress code?

It's a bit mad to host a party and expect everyone to take their shoes off, but I think you need to work on not being so bothered by your height. Being short doesn't make you like a 5 year old

It's such a pity that we are not a shoes-off country in general as in many others, so everyone would just do it as a matter of course, would dress accordingly, and hosts would have baskets of indoor slippers at the front door.

Tbf MN shoe threads are good for this sort of thing. Now you know its likely not that people are being rude, it's just shoes off by default has never been a thing in their lives. Never taught this as a child, I've never taught my kids, it's just not a thing IME.

Just ask people. They might judge you a little but that's no worse than you judging them!

We take shoes off but for a party? That’s odd in my view. Shoes are a definite part of an outfit. If the host was that bothered they should take steps to protect carpet/ tiles/ whatever worries them instead.

I'd never ask people to take off their shoes for a party. If I was worried about my floors, I'd host it somewhere else. However, I also would not think about people needing their shoes on to make outfits "work". Maybe because I'm tall but it would never occur to me.

Those blue overshoes can make shoes and boots slippery, making them a massive risk to tradespeople. If they feel happy and safe using them they'll likely carry overshoes with them already, so just ask them to put them on but don't be surprised if they refuse.

Shoes off for family and visiting children is fine IMO, but beyond rude to expect adult guests at a dressy party to remove their shoes. It should definitely have been flagged beforehand. I have no issue taking my shoes off if I am visiting a house where that is the norm, but if you are attending a party I think it is normal to expect not to have to pad around in your socks for the evening.

Where I live getting it cleaned is very expensive wipes are cheaper. 😊

we are a shoes off household, but sometimes the event means shoes need to be left on. We hosted my mum’s wake and it would have been ridiculous imo for guests to be wearing their funeral suit with socks.