to expect host to let her party guests know that she has a no shoes policy?

[JustABitOfUncertainty]

I went to a posh party with DH on Saturday. It was a fundraising event for a wheelchair and a hospital bed, hosted by a school mum who has a child in the same year as one of mine. (The fundraised wasn't for her child btw). We NEVER go to parties, certainly not posh ones. We are both shy introverts, but we definitely wanted to show our support for this one.

Anyway, I have this beautiful halter neck top and matching trousers from Reiss from about 20 years ago, still looks brand new, as I very rarely wear it. I am only 5.2", and the trousers drag on the floor until I put my Esska platforms on, and then voila, the whole outfit comes together and I feel a million dollars.

Upon arrival to the party I saw there was a huge pile of shoes and saw the people before us removing their shoes. The host stood there almost blocking the entrance until the guests were barefoot. I am not exaggerating when I say that I really wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, I had to remove my platforms and feel like a 5 year old in her mummy's clothes, constantly pinching my trousers upwards so I wouldn't walk on them.

I know that there was an episode in sex and the city about something similar and I detest the Carrie character, but I empathise with her on this one.

It could have been worse, as I contemplated wearing a cocktail dress which would have meant putting on my toeless tights, how embarrassing would that have been!!

AIBU that there should have been a note on the invitation so that guests could have chosen their outfit accordingly?

Yes, you ought to have been told in advance.

If the party was at her home I would assume shoes would be off. Was it?

If have assumed this was a potential. Lots of folks have shoes off.

oersonally I find it incredibly rude. We are shoes off, but my guests can do as they please. Carpers and flooring can be cleaned.

It's ridiculous to host a formal party and expect everybody to take their shoes off. Even uptight shoe haters should suck it up for such events! I stand firm in my opinion. So yes, a note asking you to not bother looking nice for the occasion and to bring slippers. And a onesie, why not.

If it’s in a house, l’d assume shoes off was very likely but that’s because I know more no shoes households than shoe households.

No. If it’s in someone’s house I would always assume shoes off.
They would be off at mine also unless it was a garden party. Heals would also damage most wooden floors regardless of dirt

I grew up in a house where it was not normal to take your shoes off - but even I assume when I go to someone else's house that I should take them off (unless told otherwise). I think shoes off is more common than shoes on.

Not mine, they are exposed and sanded then industrial varnish on top. It’s very common when done professionally. Shoes and dog claws don’t scratch,

We're a shoes off household in general, but if I was hosting a party I'd never make everyone take their shoes off!

It wouldn’t occur to me to wear outdoor shoes in someone’s house.

Was the party at their house? If so yabu, it's a fairly probable possibility that you may be asked to take your shoes off. If it was elsewhere then yanbu, seems a bit odd

I think it’s bad manners to expect guests to take their shoes off. You’re basically saying you value your floors more than their comfort. (Or you don’t care about them enough to clean up afterwards- you’re basically super lazy.) Especially at a fancy event, when people will want to dress up. Also, it makes the event less fancy: like you say, people’s outfits are ruined so they might as well have turned up in a tracksuit.

I would always expect to take my shoes off in another house

I'd be completely peed off, talk about making your guests feel uncomfortable from the outset!

Shoes off is awful, especially for a formal event.

We're a shoes off household normally as I can't be arsed continually washing the floors, but if I was having a gathering I wouldn't expect guests to take them off as I know I'd be doing one big clean anyway. You should've been told. I'm a shorty too and I plan my outfit around shoes/ boots.

I think at a party the host should have let shoes stay on and just hoovered and mopped the next day. I wouldn't be impressed getting dressed up then having to take my shoes off.

I'd be annoyed about it but not enough to make a mumsnet post.

Formal parties are often an exception to the shoes off rule.

It doesn't always occur to people to warn though.

I would have left. I dress from the shoe up.

But party shoes aren't outdoor shoes generally. They are 'worn indoors elsewhere' shoes. Even if the guest has walked to the party they won't have come far. I would have turned round and left.

I don't know if it's a regional thing but I don't anyone who has a shoes off house. That's in Scotland

I think if it's been hosted at someone's home then I'd anticipate three possibility that it might be shoes off even though we don't do no shoes at home. I've been caught by this before and had odd socks on or bare feet which imo is almost worse. But I wouldn't be upset by my trousers being too long no.

Shoes off without warning is incredibly rude. Hopefully everyone was freshly showered and changed and nobody had come straight from work or another activity with sweaty end of day feet. Imagine how embarrassing that would be.

I'd also expect to take my shoes off in someone's house; I'd say this is the norm.
I don't think it would raise more than an 'oh, sure' with me if I was asked to remove my shoes; everyone else was in the same position. The appearance of your outfit isn't more important than the host's carpet. She would have looked very petty if she had included it in the invitation.

Shoes off inside is one of those things people claim is the norm on Mumsnet but in real life I only know one person who has that rule. They have OCD (diagnosed) and anyone who knows them well enough to be invited to their house would know that and be able to plan accordingly. I think making people do it at a formal event is very rude.