AIBU to cancel on a friend's wedding after accepting the invitation

[Confusedwedding]

Hi everyone, just wanted to get a few extra opinions on this before I make decision.

About a month ago, I got a wedding invitation from a friend. She's an old university fried who I haven't seen much over the last few years as we've both moved around but we are still on good terms. At the time I accepted in invitation as I was happy for her but now I'm starting to have second thoughts.

Firstly, I am only invited to the evening reception from 7pm-12am. I'm not upset by this as we aren't that close but the venue is a good three hours from me so it's quite a long way to go for four hours.

As well as this, the venue itself is in a small village about 20 miles from the nearest town so I will need to book a hotel, train (I don't drive) and then a taxi from (and probably to) the venue back into the town I'll have to stay in. This is probably going to come to nearly £200 and that's before I've even spent anything else. On the day of the wedding there is also tube strikes (I'll be travelling through London) adding another layer of difficulty to the journey.

I'm guessing there will be other people from our social circle invited that I could split costs with, I don't want to ask them though in case they aren't and it makes things awkward. This is another thing I'm concerned about if I get there and don't know any of the other guests.

Basically I'm now second guessing if it's even worth it and letting my friend know I can't go anymore. The invitation said RSVP by late March and it's now early April but I can't imagine they will have made provisions for me (e.g. meal) if I'm only invited to the evening do.

My friend is quite laid back so don't know if she'd be that bothered but I also know if the roles were reversed she would make an effort to get to my wedding even if just an evening guest three hours away. Also a wedding is quite an important thing to skip out on last minute so she may feel differently about it.

I've asked a few friends what they think I should do and quite a few said they think I should cancel but others have said I should still attend as I said I would. I just wanted to find out from people not connected to the situation if IABU by cancelling now.

YANBU unreasonable, just cancel. It would be different if you had been invited to the main wedding, in which case they may have already paid out for a meal for you, but it's not an issue as an evening guest.

Jay send a message saying that unfortunately the journey already long is further complicated by the announced tub strike so you won't be able to get there. Wish then all the best for the future

You knew all the other factors when you accepted so don't mention those but the tube strike is a new obstacle so message her as soon as possible and let her know the tube strike means you can't get there.

Evening invite I wouldn’t bother with all that faff.

You describe her as someone you're on good terms with. Don't you have more of a friendship than that else why did she invite you?

Canceling is fine in this case. There's no meal organised and that's the main faff with late cancellations, imo.

Absolutely fine to cancel. I’d just keep it brief (sorry to say I’m now unable to attend) rather than go into a great long explanation of the hurdles and costs.

Yes. This.

Why didn't you check all this before accepting?

Fine to cancel but send a present.
Don't ever accept anything again without checking properly that you can make it not just that you'd like to.

You're not her Mum!

Fine to cancel imo. Evening only invitations are pretty rude. All the expenses and you don't get any food or drink. Only permissible for people living very near the venue who you don't know well such as work colleagues

Fine to cancel, reasonable to assume that for a small village a taxi may not be available without a long wait.

Tube strikes have been called off, so don't mention that, may look as if you are making a fictitious excuse.

You are an evening guest so it won't cause any hassle at all to cancel. She won't have to cancel your meal or lose money if you don't turn up. I think an evening invitation is a 'we'd love to see you at our party for celebrations if you can easily make it' type of an offer. 3 hours train travel, a hotel, a return taxi, then 3 hours on the train again is it was too much for four hours.

Get off your high horse!

I don't generally attend anything that requires me to spend longer travelling than I am spending at the actual event.

Cancel, too much hassle for an evening invitation.

I would also say this. You don’t have to give a reason, just let her know you can’t go.

Evening invitations that are needing lots of travel and a hotel are not worth the hassle.
Just tell them you can't make it

It's best to cancel early. Hopefully she won't be too fussed as it's just an evening guest invite and you're still within cancellation timing if there is extra evening catering for you.

If you want to go OP, I would ask the bride who else from the friend group is going so you can maybe make travel plans together. Explain there's transport issues.

There might be someone driving or who you could share cabs etc with.

my cousin got married this year and we are relitively close ( we used to be really close but haven’t seen each other for 4 years and speak 2/3 times a year) he lives 3 hours away and was getting married on a tuesday on a school day, the invite i got was for the evening and children weren’t invited so i declined. he told me a week before i could bring my children and i said i would try my best but it worked out at newrly £500 when you added a hotel, petrol, day off work then outfits on top of that! it genuinely wasn’t feasible. He hasn’t spoken to me since 🤷🏼‍♀️

Several hundred pounds, basically to go to a disco where you might not know anyone and probably won't get chance to talk to your friend. I definitely wouldn't bother, and doubt they'll mind very much. No need to overthink the excuses either. I agree with sending a nice card & gift to acknowledge their special day and the fact that they've thought of you in the planning.

Cancel. Blame the Tube strike. Send a nice gift.

But often oyu dont have all the details at hand. I was once invited to a wedding abroad, no problem, I was prepared to pay for flights etc. but then it turned out the weding was in place A, and then the reception over 1 hour drive away in a middle of nowhere on a farm from where Id need to go back to the city to spend the night, I didnt know anyone, I would not be able to rent a car if I wanted to have some alcohol, and then it turned out the accomodation was r e a l l y expensive whe I looked as places that would be convenient.

OP, if your friend is not that close and its evening reception only Im sure she will not mind.