To think sex is a misogynistic concept?

[belfastjun]

The more I read about sexual violence, crimes against women and unrealistic expectations from men the more I think the act of having sex is just a misogynistic concept.

It wasn't that long ago that sex was purely seen as pleasurable for men and something a woman should just have to endure to please them. The whole idea of whore/virgin as well is misogynistic in itself.

I feel like there will always be some subconscious misogyny in the back of their minds when having sex with a partner etc.

AIBU to not want to have sex to free myself of what I feel is a toxic patriarchy? I do have sexual trauma so don't know if this is skewing my view somewhat.

Way over thinking this.

Animals that have no concept of patriarchy engage in sex. Why? Because its a biological necessity.

Don't want sex, don't have it. But don't overcomplicate it.

No this is not reasonable. Sex is important to me . Its fun and enjoyable, can be used to express love, closeness and is incredible with the right person. What about that is misogynistic?

You're thinking of sex as something a man does to a woman. In my experience it's something a man and a woman do together.

Can it be done in a misogynistic way? Yes but so can speech and any other interaction. It doesn't mean it's inherently misogynistic

I’ve definitely had some partners where this is very much the case, and put up with it for too long.

I think as I’ve gotten older and more experienced I’ve learned what not to put up with, and also how to spot the signs before that stage.

Sex is primarily to ensure survival of the species. The fact that it is pleasurable and we can prevent pregnancy is essentially a secondary factor, or was until fairly recently in the scale of evolution

You are welcome to not want sex for whatever reason you choose.

I disagree with your reasoning though.

Yeah, I'd take it up with the man who invented it. The misogynist. .

Sex is for procreation primarily, and not limited to humans.
If you don't like it don't do it

I think it's skewing your view full stop. Sex is enjoyable for both men and women in the right circumstances

I'm sorry that you have experienced sexual trauma.

I genuinely feel sorry for people (mainly women) who do not get to enjoy sex because enjoyable sex with a caring partner is amazing.

But for a lot of women it is as you have experienced and described.

Modern sex? Definitely. It’s commonly depicted as over when the man orgasms. (I expect a few women will chime in here ….)

But there has to be an evolutionary reason to the female orgasm. It is so much more powerful than the male orgasm, and we can have repeated orgasms. That makes me wonder what sex was like back in pre-caveman times!

I agree with those saying sex exists primarily for procreation - we don’t have to limit it to that of course but that’s why it exists in the first place - an evolutionary necessity. It’s pleasurable so that animals including humans do it - that’s why pandas having no sex drive is a problem for their survival.

Women’s pleasure is important from an evolutionary stand point too as female orgasm increases the chances of pregnancy.

But yes you are right men have weaponised sex and attached various misogynistic concepts to it.

I don’t think this is political but instead very personal. If you don’t like it don’t have it. It’s a very reasonable position

When I started reading your post I thought 'NOOO'. ,but then I thought about all the posts on here where women are having types of sex which are very much informed by misogyny - strangulation, being called whores and sluts during sex, acting out rape scenes with their partners and so on.

So sex does not have to be misogynistic - it can be really hot and beautiful and an amazing blending of connection and emotion and giving and receiving of mutual pleasure.
But culturally, it is often infused with misogyny that both partners have internalised.

You need to explore the writings of the late Andrea Dworkin, OP.

Why Andrea Dworkin is the radical, visionary feminist we need in our terrible times | Women | The Guardian

Agreed.
If you don’t want to have sex, don’t. It’s really that simple.
It only matters to you and the partner you were having sex with, nobody else. No need to give your reasons or engage in a political debate over it with others.

This is not a new idea. See political lesbianism. Sex in and of itself is not misogynistic (as others have said, all mammals do it), but it isn't unreasonable to believe that our human sexual culture(s) are so toxic with misogyny that any sex act between men and women will be of necessity tainted by that. I think there is a case to be made, and I think this is becoming more true as society becomes ever more saturated with pornography.

I'm really sorry that you've experienced trauma surrounding this, OP. If you don't want to for this reason, then don't do it.

I will gently agree with other posters - sex can be misogynistic, and I dont just mean the act, but the relationship or circumstances under which it takes place too, but that isn't the case for all situations.

I think it's more that misogyny has distorted, reframed and, in many ways, corrupted sex, rather than it is inherently misogynistic in of itself.
Therefore sex can be beautiful and as far from misogyny as an activity can be between two people, or it can be an abusive act. Neither are what ti can only be, however.

You need a good partner that’s all!!
My DH will always make sure I want to have sex and in the mood and he’s more interested in seeing me pleasured than vice versa.

Yes, you are. It’s a means of continuing the species.
YANBU to decide you don’t want to engage. Of course you’re not, we can do what we like.

You do you love😂

Oh give over.

Not a new idea -- as a pp said, read Andrea Dworkin.

Oh look, the circus is in town

That's really not the case in my house!