To think sex is a misogynistic concept?

[belfastjun]

The more I read about sexual violence, crimes against women and unrealistic expectations from men the more I think the act of having sex is just a misogynistic concept.

It wasn't that long ago that sex was purely seen as pleasurable for men and something a woman should just have to endure to please them. The whole idea of whore/virgin as well is misogynistic in itself.

I feel like there will always be some subconscious misogyny in the back of their minds when having sex with a partner etc.

AIBU to not want to have sex to free myself of what I feel is a toxic patriarchy? I do have sexual trauma so don't know if this is skewing my view somewhat.

I think you are right insofar as there is a lot more focus placed on male pleasure than female in society.

the act of having sex is just a misogynistic concept

The act of having sex is a biological mechanism for the exchange of genetic material in order to reproduce. It has no concept of morality.

You're confusing sex with human sexual desires.

Agree with this.

Excellent response.

You need some help. Seek some help.

Your view is skewed but not without reason.

For sure any idea that women 'should' have sex with men is misogynistic, and it's unfortunately still quite pervasive. The 'sex positive' movement seems rather negative in its overall consequences for women.

True sex positivity is being positive about positive sex - freely consenting mutual pleasure and/or comfort. Saying 'no' to anything you find negative should be seen as positive.

Sounds like you need some therapy. Seek help.

Depends whether for you, 'sex' means vaginal penetration by a penis or 'pleasurable sexual activity that may or may not include piv'

Purely framing sex as piv makes it sound like a conquest, which is misogynistic

Not all sex and not every man/ every time... but yes, largely I agree with you that most men will have watched or had (or thought about or spoken about) sex with a woman in a very misogynistic way, at least on occasion.

Many men still view sex as something they do 'to' a woman rather than 'with' and many people still only count PIV as 'sex' that is complete when a man 'finishes'...

I have had m/f and f/f sex and they are worlds apart in how I feel perceived and treated.

I read a thread on MN recently about a women whose DH hadn’t been prescribed enough viagra for a health condition and she said that sex was important in their relationship to get ‘the validation and assurance’ she needed. I thought ‘not an orgasm then?’

I do wonder if lots of women conflate their personal self esteem with sex and this idea of ‘being desired’ - which certainly has an implication for power dynamics and misogyny. Men, in my experience, compartmentalise and for them, sex is a powerful physical release. Women seem to have a different agenda. I say ‘seem to’, because as a heterosexual woman, it’s always been purely physical for me too but I wonder if that’s the exception rather than the rule.

I think there's something about the fetishisation of female virginity too (but my menopausal brain won't let me construct a coherent paragraph about it, so I hope people understand what I'm getting at).

YANBU not to have sex if you don’t want to for whatever reason

sex isn’t misogynistic in and of itself - it’s a biological drive but as others have said it can be misogynistic in the way some men approach it. Also women aren’t meant to enjoy it - if we do we are labelled negatively - also misogynistic!

Only one sex has an organ specifically for sexual pleasure, and it isn't men. Just saying.

I disagree with your point, but I think the trauma is probably driving it rather than logic and reasoning.
In our house it's a very balanced 'activity' with no bias one way or the other.

It’s an interesting topic. While I don’t think the act itself is misogynistic, and I believe it can be a very important part of a relationship and important for women, I do think the way society talks, engages and presents it is very misogynistic and detrimental to both boys and girls. Even in a relationship two people can have a very healthy sex life based on trust and respect but outside of that society’s attitude to sex can be damaging or dangerous to that, so it is a factor.

You’re talking about abuse of power not sex. You are, of course, entitled to eschew sex bit that’s a very sweeping statement. At its best it’s an expression of love or an opportunity for pleasure. I’d be sad to be without it.

Just to say I started dating again in my mid 40s and was shocked by the number of men (all but one) I had sex with, who had been sexually active their whole lives, so not inexperienced men, who had no idea, and little or no interest, in how to sexually pleasure a woman.

So yeah, misogyny in sexual activity right there.

You can decide not to have sex for any reason, and you can revisit that decision if and when you like.

Having sex does not need to involve a man at all.

Lots of animal societies are highly patriarchal…

i’d say both YANBU and YABU on this one OP.

Yes, that’s why men invented it.

Jesus, you sound like fun love..

As a female, I’ve always actually enjoyed sex. Mind you, I’ve always picked the right partners. Perhaps that’s the key? 😗

I think the people most in need of help here are the nasty few who have laughed and been rude. I see mean girls never grow up.

Sex is no different to the Internet really.
Whether its positive or negative depends on how it's used.

Your body your choice though.