AIBU to feel irritated by DH asking me to cover up when I don't want sex?

[RaspberryRippleDuvet]

There are times of the month when I really don't want sex but my DH will still be really horny.

At these times he will tell me not to sit in a certain way that shows my curves, or he'll cover my legs with a blanket if I'm showing any part of them. When I seem irritated by this he says he finds it too hard to see me in any way he deems sexy as he knows he won't be having sex with me.

To be clear, I'm not attempting to 'tease' him in any way; I'm just going about my life.

AIBU to find this behaviour of his annoying and controlling? Or should I be more sensitive?

Oh OP, I'm so sorry but you have been conditioned to think this is ok, it's not, none of it is.

It's normal to have Life360 for our kids maybe, but tracking adults is really not normal, at all.

So much in your post and update is alarming.

We have to sleep in separate beds because he was always touching me in his sleep which I hated. He said he didn't know he was doing it but I still don't know if that's true really.

He is very very protective of me, his worst fear is losing me. We have a tracker app so he always knows where I am, and once he left a recording device in our living room because he was worried I was cheating on him. I have NEVER cheated on him. This was years ago though and he confessed he'd done it, I had no idea.

Jesus. I didn’t think that could get any worse.

He’s not ‘protective’, he’s a spying, controlling, paranoid abuser.

He’s not a ‘great husband’ if you literally have to sleep in another room to stop him sexually abusing you in your sleep…

Wise up to the truth.

Dearest girl I’ve just read your update - you are being abused again, as you were in your childhood, which is why you don’t recognise what it is…none of this is your fault and you need to get away from him.

It is not normal to secretly track or record your wife this is outrageous behaviour

He s mentally un stable and dangerous he is NOT a nice man

Fearing you are having an affair is not normal to this extent and his actions are not ok

Get advice and help assp

None of this is normal, he sounds extremely controlling. This is not a healthy relationship at all.

Does he still track you? Delete the app or whatever it is, now. His anxious panic because he hasn’t had sex recently enough is HIS PROBLEM TO HANDLE. He needs to get therapy for it, and to leave you the fuck alone. You are being controlled and harassed by him, and have been for a long long time.

I was abused as a child by a family member so I have some issues around sex which hasn't always been easy for him.

Your history of abuse isn't easy for him? Hello, OP... come back to yourself, please. Who gives a fuck whether it's easy for him? What about you? Why are you putting his feelings above your own?

You don't love this man. He sexually harrasses and coerces you, controls you, spies on you and weaponises your history of abuse against you.

You say "he's great, really, I love him" but deep down, in your heart, you know he is just another abuser. I get why that is incredibly painful to admit. I really hope you can find a way out of this situation, OP, a way to put yourself first for once.

This is one of those awful chilling threads in which the OP has no idea how abusive her relationship is. This man tracks you, essentially stalks you, records you, and has to be physically separated from you at night to prevent him assaulting you. OP this is very sick and very wrong. He is not a good man.

Man here. His behaviour is NOT normal....

I'm afraid this is one of those threads where you share your reality with other women and they gently try and open your eyes to the abuse and the control tactics. I'm so sorry. All of what you write about is cause for concern.

Thanks man. Who gives a shit if you are a man here?

I was going to ask how often you have sex, because if you are going months and months without, then I can understand his frustration. Then I read your update, and it's quite obvious that he has issues. Do you want to be married to him? Are his good points worth all of his (many) bad points?

Fucking hell.... He's a prize dickhead

OP imagine this is your daughter and she goes

"I've met this AMAZING WONDERFUL MAN! he tracks my location so he knows I'm not cheating on him and he knows exactly where I am..., he sexually assaults me when I sleep, he thinks cheating on him if I don't have sex with him, he wants me to cover up otherwise he'll just want to have sex with me all the time, so much so, that I don't even feel like my body is my own anymore Doesn't he sound great??"

Woman here.

We fucking know..

No need for a man to come on and tell us the bloody obvious.

Fuck me what a number he’s done on your head. That’s not normal.

Tell him if he does this again, he'll never have sex with you again. Ugh, what a creep

This is hideous reading, just leave, run, whatever it takes, this man will never make you happy, a controlling man is the worse!

OP your husband is NOT protective, he's controlling 😔 tracking your phone and putting a recording device in your home is not normal - this is coercive control. You have been in the relationship for so long that it has become normalised to you but please read all the replies on here - it is not part of a normal relationship!

1st day of period Id be like

Oh darling, this just gets worse. It’s like the boiling frog analogy, you’ve slowly been exposed to horrible controlling behaviour that you’ve come to see as normal. Coercion like this is violence, you don’t have to be hit to be in an abusive relationship.

That feeling of being a trapped animal - it’s because you are. I’m so sorry. I hope this thread helps you reflect on how you deserve so much more.

I can imagine that deep down your instinct tells you that leaving this man would be high risk, it sounds it. If you can consider it then there are services or even just women on here who could help practically.

No shit, Sherlock.

Dear OP, I wish I could sit down with you as a sister. You have become a "boiled frog", the gradual heat of unreasonableness and oppression he imposes increasing while you have adapted to every whim and demand he makes, without you realising along the way that it is so wrong. Whatever his own issues are, there can be no excuse for the way he has made it your responsibility to adapt to his control of you. You really are a trapped animal - jump out of that pot you are in - the water is now boiling, and life in it is unsustainable. Find the strength to look after yourself. Posting on here was a great start. Sending hug.🌷

Shall I read the room first? Nah, they just need to know what a man thinks.