AIBU to feel irritated by DH asking me to cover up when I don't want sex?

[RaspberryRippleDuvet]

There are times of the month when I really don't want sex but my DH will still be really horny.

At these times he will tell me not to sit in a certain way that shows my curves, or he'll cover my legs with a blanket if I'm showing any part of them. When I seem irritated by this he says he finds it too hard to see me in any way he deems sexy as he knows he won't be having sex with me.

To be clear, I'm not attempting to 'tease' him in any way; I'm just going about my life.

AIBU to find this behaviour of his annoying and controlling? Or should I be more sensitive?

So, he makes you cover up because you're not available for sex, makes pointed comments reminding you he wants sex, tracks your every movement, gropes you "in his sleep" to the extent that you've had to move to a separate bed, and accuses you of cheating regularly because you're not having sex wherever he wants.

I know you've put up with this for 25 years, but it doesn't mean you have to carry on putting up with it. This is controlling, abusive behaviour. It's not normal. It's not ok. There is no good behaviour on his part that outweighs this. Just because he doesn't (yet) beat the shit out you doesn't make him an excellent husband.

Definitely this. It is disgusting.

He sounds like a pervert. In what way is he great? I felt disgusted reading this post as knew someone who was abusive like this. Police involved.

Men who accuse women of cheating are usually the ones who do it themselves.

Oh god. Your update makes it all worse op. He really is not a wonderful husband at all. He is a controlling, abusive man who has sexually assaulted you so often that you cannot sleep in the same bed, as you know you cannot trust him not to assault you again.

This is not a wonderful husband.

Thanks for coming back and giving more insight OP.

This made me feel very sad you have put up with this and many of the behaviours seem normal to you or you know they aren’t but have minimised them.

There is gaslighting all over this, about how attractive he finds you, how scared he is of losing you. He deserves to lose you forever, his behaviour is sickening. Does he know about the abuse? I strongly suspect he does I feel even more despair he’s exploited it, beyond vile.

I was already really disturbed by his behaviour, but it’s tenfold from your update. i worry he’s an abuser of others hiding under the guise of a happily married man.

Unfortunately the other is the mask.

Please speak to Women’s Aid. In your gut you do know the truth that this isn’t right and they can provide expertise and support you IRL.

Jeez, your update 😳
For me, the negatives - recording and tracking your every move, would far outweigh any positives.
You love him. Has he brainwashed you?!

He is absolutely disgusting.

Ugh

You need to realise that the abuse you suffered when younger was not difficult for him, that's just another excuse for him to be horrible.

I was sexually abused as a child and once my DH wanted to try a sexual thing I didn't want but he kept asking and I eventually said "you are making me feel the way my abuser did" and he was absolutely mortified and never asked again because he's a decent man.

You need to get rid of and find someone who values you for who you are and not how much sex he can get.

Apologies if this is a tough read but there’s no doubt you’re in an abusive relationship. I hate to say it but it’s likely he saw the vulnerability in you as a result of your earlier experiences, and has used that to his advantage, likely by ruining your self esteem, creating a dependency of him and attempting to isolate you from support. Please have a look at this image and see the using isolation section in particular, as using jealously to justify control is text book abuse. I also wouldn’t be in the least bit surprised if you were to tell me he says if you weren’t together he’d kill himself, which is another form of control, as is the surveillance you described.

There are so many red flags for an abusive relationship in your post, hope you're reading and will call women's aid

It's strange that you're so personally affronted if apparently it doesn't apply to you. Women get labelled 'golddiggers' for example, and I brush it off and think nothing of it because, even though I'm a woman, I'm not that kind of woman (although they are out there).

So why are you wandering into a very serious and concerning thread just to NAMALT at us?

What a turn off

@RaspberryRippleDuvet this is really sad. He is abusing you.
Basically if he acted on his urges it would be your fault for showing some ankle. He ‘accidentally’ touches you in his sleep, poor him! You might have an affair so he has to record you or track you, poor him.

Do you have any children?
Don’t let them grow up thinking that this is normal.

Ted Bundy vibes

That's giving major red flags. That's absolutely not okay op, not in the slightest

I was going to say the same!
He seems like he wants her to wear a burqa!
Stop tempting me, harlot!

He's not a "wonderful husband", is he?

Oh my god, what am I reading?
If you were my sister or friend OP, I'd be doing everything in my power to get you away from this man.
It's all so wrong.
Please read what Nicole1111 has posted, it should show you that his behaviour is part of a well established pattern of abuse and control.
He's not a 'wonderful' man OP, quite the opposite.
I can't help wondering what you've been through over the last 25 years, and how much you have wrongly internalised as either normal (to your relationship) or your 'fault'.
The fact you've posted this as an AIBU is really troubling, shouldn't even be a question. You've been trained by him to excuse his extreme behaviour.
Please seek external support and bear in mind the overwhelming reaction on this thread. It's about your safety x

Oh OP, your update makes this whole situation even worse. A loving husband that knew your background would bend over backwards to ensure you were cared for and felt safe - and absolutely not make those comments. The fact that he's abused you when you were asleep and tracks your movements etc. only goes to prove more that you're in an abusive relationship. I'm so sorry. I'm not one for jumping in with LTB, but I think in your case you really should. He needs therapy, and I think you could do with talking to someone too.

This is deeply disturbing to read. Please seek some advice from eg WA. It's suffocating to read and not normal behaviour.

Please call women's aid asap, perhaps get a burner phone for it and for posting here

He's probably tracking her so he knows she's not about to turn up at his mistresses house.

My exH used to be paranoid I was cheating. Hated me going out without him which I didn't do often because it wasn't worth the constant texts and questions. Turned out he was the one cheating.

Oh my god OP, I’ve read some things on here but this is absolutely awful, you poor thing. None of this is normal, none of it is ok.