AIBU to feel irritated by DH asking me to cover up when I don't want sex?

[RaspberryRippleDuvet]

There are times of the month when I really don't want sex but my DH will still be really horny.

At these times he will tell me not to sit in a certain way that shows my curves, or he'll cover my legs with a blanket if I'm showing any part of them. When I seem irritated by this he says he finds it too hard to see me in any way he deems sexy as he knows he won't be having sex with me.

To be clear, I'm not attempting to 'tease' him in any way; I'm just going about my life.

AIBU to find this behaviour of his annoying and controlling? Or should I be more sensitive?

This is horrible reading. Is he saying that if he sees a woman's curves/ body while out and about he wouldn't be able to control himself because she's not covered up, and he'd have to assault her?

He's not a 'wonderful husband', and this is not normal.

Also, be very careful about what he is tracking regarding your internet use and what you're posting on here.

He's a controlling wanker who's repeatedly tried to sexually assault you in your sleep, and secretly records you.

He's about as far from wonderful as you can get.

I really think you need to do some research or emotional abuse and controlling behaviors. These are not normal behaviors in a healthy relationship.
Being so protective he has a tracking app on your phone is not love, it's control.
Putting a recording device in you living room is not normal.
Having to sleep ins separate beds because of sexual harassment is not a normal loving husband.

Please seek some support and guidance from a professional, charities like Relate are good for counselling and understanding healthy boundaries.

Ick

Ick

Ick

how do you stand it OP? @RaspberryRippleDuvet

This man has absolutely no redeeming features, is a sex pest and a stalker. I worry that you normalise this behaviour.

But most pps are telling the OP that this behaviour is not normal.

I've had one boyfriend who would switch from affectionate to cold and sulky when I didn't want to "put out" (he was a coercive narcissist) but none of the others were like that.

Before u leave him u need to chat with him seriously.give him a chance

To my surprise ( I like words) , I can’t find enough ways to say YUCK.
How does this dude walk down a street? Does he start humping lamp posts? Throw random blankets over passing women?

He’s slavered and drooled himself into another galaxy because YUCK.
I’m sorry OP, but this ( to me ) sounds like a form of sexual coercion.

No. Why should she give her abuser another chance? Did you not read her update?

A chance? After years of sexual assaults and accusations? I think he's had his chances.

"Before u leave him u need to chat with him seriously.give him a chance"

Another "Man here 👋🏼"

Seriously pal, give it a rest.

OP

When you posted here. What guidance was you hoping for and what do you think you was going to do?

As there are many posts almost all siding with you, what is your plan of action?

Absolutely this op @RaspberryRippleDuvet

This makes me wonder if he is looking at other women flashing their ankles and if he's a sex addict tbh

If you don't mind answering, how often are you having sex?

You're still being abused but it's become your normal. Please go and speak to an professional.

Why on earth are you telling her to give him a chance? The behaviour that he is showing is absolutely disgusting, their children will have to witness all this which is very unhealthy. Also if the husband knows she was abused in the past by a family member that makes it a million times worst. Are you here partner?

Again @RaspberryRippleDuvet he isn’t a really lovely husband tracking you and recording you and accusing you of cheating if you don’t give him sex and you have to sleep in separate beds!

I have my DH and each other on tracking, but that’s purely to see if they’re stuck at work when they can’t access their phones for tea etc. Not to track each others movement, the difference is there is trust and no other huge waving red flags.

He’s being a cock and he needs to learn self control.

horny? He needs to slap his own cock with a spikey stick every time he thinks your clothing is the reason he can’t act like an adult and behave himself.

Gay men manage to control their horniness in changing rooms up and down the country when straight attractive men are in their presence.

find a website that sells burkas and ask him to pick out 2 for you. To and then wear them - all the time in the house.

Does he not know how to deal with an unwanted erection?

I just want to thank everyone for their posts.

I am genuinely shocked at the responses as I thought I was being unfair to be annoyed by his behaviour.

None of you know him so I totally understand why you don't believe me when I say in every other way he's a wonderful husband. He's never violent, never cheats, not weird with other women at all. In fact he idolises me. He is so scared of losing me it torments him, he has nightmares where I've cheated on him or been raped and then he's off-colour for days as it makes him so anxious.

If the tracker doesn't update properly then he calls me or texts me to check I'm okay. He drives me everywhere as he doesn't want me to be anywhere on my own in case I get attacked.

I'll confess that I'd happily go the rest of my life without sex as I really don't enjoy it but I make myself do it for him, as the longer he goes without, the more weird he gets. Years ago I woke up to him masturbating over me.

Thing is, I really really love him, and he's given me a good life. Our children are grown up and out of the home now but he lets me work part-time so I can look after the house and our pets, and look after my parents.

Anyway, you've all given me a lot to think about - I feel a bit shellshocked actually.

It's possible he's reading this as he's an I.T. professional and it wouldn't surprise me. I suppose a part of me wants him to read it, and see how wrong it is. Maybe he doesn't know it's bad because I've always allowed it?

Thanks again. As much as I'm tempted to delete this as it hurts so much, I'm going to leave this thread up so other women with similar situations will know they're not alone.

Goodbye xx

He has done a total number on you, so much so you think he is right and you're wrong!

The tracking etc is not about care, it's about control, don't let him convince you otherwise.

None of you know him so I totally understand why you don't believe me when I say in every other way he's a wonderful husband

Sorry but that comment and then this totally contradicts each other
in fact he idolises me. He is so scared of losing me it torments him, he has nightmares where I've cheated on him or been raped and then he's off-colour for days as it makes him so anxious
if the tracker doesn't update properly then he calls me or texts me to check I'm okay. He drives me everywhere as he doesn't want me to be anywhere on my own in case I get attacked

That is not healthy behaviour, I couldn't live with that behaviour if DH was like that with me, tracking my every move and not even letting me go anywhere by myself.
Seriously not normal, sorry

Our children are grown up and out of the home now but he lets me work part-time so I can look after the house and our pets, and look after my parents

He let's you work?!
That's good of him. 🙄