Changing our lives! Hand hold please?

[MrsCChris]

Well I don't even know where to start.

Things at home have been up and down for a while. Issues with finances, we split finances 50/50 but it resulted in me having less money as I earnt less. Pooled everything into a joint account then I get questioned for whatever I spend.

Things at home are very "shouty". My DH (in my opinion) reacts over the smallest of things. There have been a number of things over the years. It has all come to a head today.

We had just had our lunch, both sat on the sofa eating a sandwich. We had finished lunch. I have a teenage child at home who came down and also asked for a sandwich.
I made the sandwich and crisps, but it on a plate and a lap tray. My teenager sat down and ate it.

There were a few crisps crumbs on her jumper. DH started moaning saying there was mess everywhere. She brushed the crumbs onto the plate off her jumper! NO BIG DEAL!

He then started ranting stating that he said there was no eating on the sofa. I explained we had eaten on the sofa and plus I gave her a tray. He then said we are ALLOWED to eat on the sofa because we pay for it but she doesn't. This escalated into a row.

Furthermore, he then said both get your stuff and f@ck off to your parents and that I would never meet anyone else as they would not put up with HER. He said all this within her earshot.

My child is going into her GCSE year and isn't a toddler who is going to make a massive mess.

He isn't her real dad.

He says I am unreasonable because I defend and stick up for my daughter. Am I? If I don't defend her against an adult shouting over a couple of f@ckin crisp crumbs then who will!

Choose your DD.
He's a prick.

Op. We SHOULD be sticking up for our children. That is what parents do. Of course you would stick up for your teenage daughter be an aggressive adult male. I would be horrified if you didn't.

He's utterly beside himself cos you made him pool his money He agreed to it but now he's making you pay by making life utterly miserable. Bad enough if it was just your life, but also your daughters. What he said about her in your original OP was vile. I don't say this lightly, but you need him.out of your life and more importantly out of your daughters. 💐

Yep he's right, pack you and your DDs things and leave. He's an absolutely abusive twat. Please consider what real impact this is having on your DD.

It sounds like you know what you need to do, you’re completely right to stand up for your daughter and right to remove him from your life. Well done.

Only half?

The tenancy is in your name with his family as landlord and he’ll be living in it.

Expect to be screwed for the rent and empty the bank account accordingly.

Your 'D'H is completely right, you and your DD do need to fuck off to your mother and never see him ever again. Disgusting specimen of a man.

Well that puts my minor marital frustrations in the shade! Hope he agrees to a quick divorce.

My anxiety has been bad for a while. I am on medication.

I feel a little lost. I'm 40, I don't really see my friends anymore only those at work. I just have my child and my parents.

I have no other children and I am an only child.

Your loneliness is not a reason to subject your daughter to abuse I'm afraid op. Get out first. Protect her. Then start rebuilding your life. It is insanity to stay with someone so horrible rather than your parents.

I am so sorry- what a total knob -

His back side would be stinging from the front door closing so hard on it.

He's emotionally abusive and controlling op and he's abusing your dd and making you doubt yourself is gaslighting.

You need to leave him. Get support from womens aid and a solicitor. If he escalates in any way you phone police. If the house is rented I'd speak to the landlord and see if locks can be changed to keep him out so you can stay there. You are doing the right thing leaving. Your dd doesn't need to live in this environment and she doesn't need to grow up thinking that's what a healthy relationship looks like or that she should tolerate similar so good on you for standing up for yourself. Only the most pathetic adult bully will emotionally abuse a 15 year old.

I'm really sorry to hear what you and your daughter are being put through by this horrible man OP. You and your daughter will definitely be better off, AND happier without him. Would your parents be in a position to help, or will you have to get help elsewhere? Which ever way, I hope that the separation is quick and easy.

So what you need to do is kick him out and change the locks. But be prepared for his family to be kicking you out. Get registered with the council and start looking for a new place.

OP

I agree with everyone else about you leaving . Shocking abuse from.your husband aimed at your daughter
Time to start a new life and rekindle your friendships and start living again without the threats from your husband
Good luck to you and your girl for a much happier future x

I am registered with the council. I have been with registered with the council for years however because I work I am never seen as a priority.

Stick up for your daughter. My mum didn't and I lived under my dsd's rule and it never felt like home (it was my only home and I've never known my biological dad). It was exhausting and undoubtedly impacted my relationship with my DM. I don't visit much now and I'm 35.

You will be if you inform them of the domestic abuse.

He said she’s not allowed to eat in sofa but you are cos you paid for it?
Ridiculous and abusive as well. I see you’re planning to leave - good.

Yes this was my point.

So I made the dinner and I made the decision in my own home to let my daughter have her lunch, like we did, on the sofa.

But I wasn't allowed to make that decision. Because he pays for the sofa and I pay for the sofa but she doesn't, she wasn't allowed.

It's absolute madness.