to think this CAN work - son and pregnant daughter-in-law moving in

[dirtyblond]

so, what do you think? has this worked for you? Would you do it again? What mistakes should I avoid? What tips to make it successful. They are being evicted, and are planning on staying here around a year, while they get some savings together - both work full time.

The bedsit being sold is not a reason to move out.

The LL will have issued an S21 with a requested date to move out. They don't have to move out. The LL would then have to take it to court and appoint a bailiff to evict them. Once the bailiff is at the door the council will have to house them. If they get allocated somewhere awful you could then go back to the plan of letting them stay with you.

To answer your question though, just do your own thing if they live with you and set clear ground rules e.g. cooking, cleaning, bills, food sharing etc...

I've seen this go not so well in my wider family. My recommendations would be -

• Charge rent. Doesn't have to be a lot (and if you want to you could save it to give back to them once they leave) but it makes it absolutely clear that they are living in your home.
• Make sure they contribute towards bills. Your energy and water bills (if you are on a meter) will definitely increase.
• Agree and have in writing when you expect them to leave. Don't agree to them moving in 'for about 12 months' - this is too vague and open to misinterpretation. They need to know when they will need to move to their own place.
• Agree and have in writing 'rules of the house' e.g. housework, use of washing machine, where clothes are dried, use of heating. These things can sound very trivial but they are often where resentments start and often arise from different expectations.

@dirtyblond what a lovely mum you are! I think you've thought just about of everything and you definitely want to make it work so that's you halfway there ! I'm sure there will be times it gets fraught but that's family life . You sound very fond and supportive of your DIL and that's wonderful. I'm sure it will all work out fine. I would have a proper sit down with them before they move in, explain how you see things working and find out how they see them so that everyone is clear. As a parent and DIL I would prefer to all eat dinner together because you are all in the same house so maybe that's something to embrace?

This!

How much are they hoping to save in a year, with a baby and maternity leave?!

It’s a shame that in the months where they were told they would be being made homeless, they didn’t have watertight contraception.

IMO it could work - if you have enough space, and division of expenses/domestic responsibilities are very clearly laid down at the outset. And adhered to.

Issue with them paying her rent and saving it in her name is that its hers. So if anything happens suddenly, she won't be entitled to benefits if its in her name. She'd have to provide statements and would be considered asset deprivation. She could mandate they need to set up a regular saver each - i know nationwide and first direct have 8% and 7% ones on £200 and £300 a month and they need to pay into those. However, how will she know they're doing that and will asking for proof sour relationship. Suggesting those accounts to them isn't a bad idea though.

Then they should not be having a baby. How can 2 adults working full time not be able to rent a o e bedroom flat? It will take them more than a tear to save a deposit if they can even get a mortgage once the child is born. Will they really save reliably or just use their money As they are not paying rent? What about bills and utilities? I would charge rent and return it to them at the wnd of the tear. Set a firm time line for miving on as once that baby is born they will jot be wanting to kove with a newborn. So much potential for this to break down amd once a baby is involved it could get really messy of you fall out.

I salute you OP, it's an amazingly generous offer that you are making to them.
Personally I think i'd join a gym, so that you have somewhere to escape to if the baby is colicky. Also be prepared to see your energy bills rocket. There were 7 of us at home in December, and that works out at 49 showers a week!

Get a heated airer!

Do you have a garage?

Let me preface this by saying I love my mil, she is my bonus mum but we did this and it was the hardest thing we've ever done. Infact we cut our losses and moved out after 3 months or we wouldn't have a relationship any more! It's incredibly difficult because she has things a certain way and we do things our certain way, they did not and still do not match. Have an open and honest discussion about it because there will be clashes no matter how well you get on

I'm another one that thinks you should charge them a nominal rent to cover the increase in bills. That's adult life and is only fair. They are getting a very good deal.

You sound very kind but do not forget it's your home and they need to fit in with you mainly. Have a frank chat about how you all see it working and agree some ground rules and reasonable expectations.

You sound absolutely lovely OP. If your son and his partner are as lovely as you are, I'm sure it will all work out well, I hope they are. I totally get that it is possible to not have money to offer financial support but to have enough space to offer living space. I know people who have done/are doing this and a three bedroom house is plenty big enough for 3/4 of you. Lots of people have made suggestions as to things you might need to consider and you are clearly taking these all in board. Make sure you don't focus fully on their needs and think about what you will need too, I hope they are also putting thought into how they can make sure this works in a way that makes sure you are happy. Good luck xx

It worked for us. My mother jn law was desperate to go part time at work because of her health but couldn't because she couldn't afford to. We moved in which allowed her to do so as we paid 2/3 of all costs involved which cut her down from 100% to 33%. We did our own washing, cooking, cleaning etc, had our own fridge/cupboards.

What made it work so well for so long was we were able to split the house (at her suggestion). We had the upstairs (so turned it from 3 bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs to a bedroom, a nursery, living room and bathroom) and she had the downstairs (having a bedroom which used to be a study/junk room, living room and downstairs shower room/toilet). The only real shared space was the kitchen and dining room which worked well, often one person would end up cooking for everyone and we'd all eat together.

There were no childcare expectations (and I don't think MiL ever did any childcare other than maybe 10 minutes keeping an ear out for a sleeping baby whilst I popped to the shop).

It worked for the dogs as with our alternating days and shift patterns at work, they were never left on their own for any great periods of time.

Sadly, about 2 years after we moved in mother in laws health took a dramatic turn and we were able to care for her at home until she died a few months later.

It worked well for us but we already had a very good relationship where nothing was left to fester, any issues from either side were brought up and dealt with immediately.

I’m a little concerned you may become a prisoner in your own home if you change your bedroom around. First you said you’ll make a sitting area, and now a clothes drier as well. It’s your house, but you’re making all the compromises.

I think you need to look long and medium term. What is the end goal. If staying with you enables them to get on the ladder then it’s probably worth the pain for everyone but you need to do the maths on how many years that will be. Because that’s going to be incredibly difficult if on maternity leave and with nursery fees to pay.

So in that case if it’s not possible mathematically then they may as well stay rented. They will likely get good UC contributions in rent.

Goodluck

This sort of arrangement happened with a colleague of mine. Unfortunately after the mum died, the family living in the house refused to move out and meant the rest of the siblings had a very long and unpleasant battle to get the house sold to share the inheritance! I think the couple in the house expected it to just be theirs to live in.

I lived with my in laws for a couple of years so we could save enough to buy a house in London. It was the only way we could afford to buy a place close to them. We got on well. We took it in turn to cook and ate together. I helped with the cleaning a lot. My in laws went out a lot so I felt like I had my own space which helped.

A dehumidifier would be good, too.

Don't give up your living room! That will breed resentment and entitlement. They are the young ones without a home - this is your home and you need a living room as well as a bedroom. If there are three bedrooms can they have one as a bedroom and one as a living room?

Follow morethangrand on Instagram.

My DD and SIL lived with his mother when they relocated to save for a deposit. There are no children. Fortunately her house was large enough for them to use a spare bedroom as a living room. They shared the kitchen and bathroom. There were some heated arguments at times, but they saved up and now have their own home. I wouldn't want to do it.

They’ll be posting on Mumsnet🤣🤣🤣

haha! gym yes! great idea! I do have hobbies that take me out and about quite a lot, but having a place to go as a bolt hole sounds very sensible. I will maybe swap a different hobby for the gym, We have local gyms open 24 hours.

no, we dont have a garage

The second masters will be completed very soon, it is almost done-it has taken years as she is doing it in the evenings while working full time. It is where most of her earnings currently go

What do you mean-she is working full time in the day and her earnings is going on the Masters she is doing at night? Does she not have a student loan for tuition fees?