to think this CAN work - son and pregnant daughter-in-law moving in

[dirtyblond]

so, what do you think? has this worked for you? Would you do it again? What mistakes should I avoid? What tips to make it successful. They are being evicted, and are planning on staying here around a year, while they get some savings together - both work full time.

Surely he’s responsible for himself?

Nursery fees will soon hit like a tonne of bricks - they will be saving for that if they have sense - so that will be the next obstacle for them. I think it can be £2k/month in London! It’s so hard to survive in the city.
Realistically you’re looking at them staying until the baby is 2-3 and they’re thinking more long-term at schools. It’s at that point they may leave London. When mine were babies a long time ago, the antenatal class were almost all gone from London by the time school started.
As a medium term arrangement, I think it sounds lovely and your relationship with the baby with be fantastic.

we have two toilets, but one only has a sink, and the other has a shower too - I think we all keep a spare toothbrush in the sink- only room, so noone is desperate to get into the main bathroom in the morning when someone else is in it.

On a normal work day I will be up and out at least an hour before they get up, I am on my way by 6am

We don't have a tumble drier, no, space to dry clothes in winter is something to think about - I do need to clear out my room I think, so I have space to put a clothes horse up in there, if I need to.

We will mostly eat separately. I do eat downstairs, but generally come straight upstairs once I have finished - I don't watch a lot of tv

Well they don't sound very sensible having a baby when they don't have somewhere to live.

Was the baby planned or an "accident"? As others have said, they are almost certainly going to be with you a lot lot longer than a year and then will be having another baby.

Haven't RTFT so sorry if this has been mentioned, but I'm just commenting on your DC and partner's circumstances.

If they live with you and can't afford to rent privately, the best thing you can do for them is write them a letter with notice saying they can't live with you.

They have no right to be there and your council will need to house them. Obviously they will need to genuinely not be able to afford to rent, but they do understand this happens and will have a duty to house.

Sorry when I say "no right" I just mean that the council or anyone can't challenge your letter and demand you let them stay.

Oh sorry I see you're in London and I guess you're right that would take years even with high priority.

I think you are right if I was making a big change, but actually, I do tend to spend my time in my room anyway, if am at home, I am mostly asleep, reading or internetting in bed, or working at the desk, so the downstairs is not used a lot

Both full time but can't afford mortgage (presumably they have been actively saving for a while), can't afford rent. Reckon they can save enough money within 12 months to make a difference. Unlikely.
Lots of baby things to buy which is expensive. Although a lot can be bought 2nd hand.

Do they have a savings plan? Have they estimated costs?

Before my DH and I bought our house we did a plan and to the best of our ability built in a buffer. We included periods where I would have low or no income due to DC. We knew we'd be alright (aside from any massive unforeseen issues, but we did have backup savings for that)

They will not get rehoused in London, especially with good salarie. They’ll be sent towards the private sector which frankly is only right.

‘Responsible for one man’? Are you a time-traveller?

they were given notice - they will have to leave in the next couple of months, but not imminently - I don't think the baby was planned, but that is not something I would ask! They are both committed to the baby now it physically exists though.

I've done this (not with a baby though) and it worked OK. I also had a large bedroom I could use as my sitting room /study.

We had lunch and evening meals together, taking in turns to cook and this worked well for us, especially as I'm a rubbish cook so they willingly took my turn over! For me, it was bliss having my meals cooked. We agreed a cleaning rota, which I ended up doing more of in lieu of the cooking and I did a weekly shop online.

Communication is the most important thing so that resentments don't build up eg my son kept overfilling the washing machine and we had several 'words' about it. It's easy to slip back into a Mum/son groove where Mum knows best but an adult son will resent it, especially in front of his partner. I also avoided them when they were having an argument with each other!

They were here for about a year and overall, it worked well as we're all fairly tolerant people who can laugh at each other's foibles. I have no idea what it would have been like with a baby in the mix but I imagine I'd have done more eg their laundry and also been aware that they'd have been more grumpy due to being sleep deprived.

No chance council will house them on professional salaries. Best they could hope for would be help finding a private let.

@dirtyblond I agree with this poster. Your boundaries could get blurred with time. Just don’t go there. They will end up taking over.

Where are her parents in all of this?

I offered when the eviction notice was first served, and they said no, at that point, but a few months down the line, they have come back to me and asked if the offer is still open. They have realised they can't manage this stage of their life on their own, without racking up massive debts that they might never clear - Just the deposit for a new rental place on its own is sky high, and rents are astronomical - more than mortgage repayments would be

@dirtyblond are your other dc aware this one/wife/baby are moving in rent free for potentially an extended period of time? I know you've said they're all settled and have bought their own places - did they have help from you to do that or is it just this one? If not, have you/would you consider reducing this child's share of your property in your will by a fraction to make it more equal between all your dc? Assuming it would be going to them at all.

I'm guessing he's the favourite youngest?

From someone who has had to rent my entire children’s life.

thank you for attempting to give them this leg up.

one deceased, one with advanced Alzheimer's. Whose house has been sold to pay for their care.

Communication is key! It's worth discussing in detail to ensure that expectations are aligned. For example, you all agree to keep the house tidy. But one person's tidy might be completely different from another person's. So really discuss in detail the things that are likely to become problems. In my experience of sharing houses with others, cleaning, tidying, cooking/meals, use of shared spaces, laundry, and noise have been the big issues.

It might be helpful to have a few 'house meetings' in the first couple of months, just so any emerging issues can be talked through.

Also if you're cooking and eating separately, it would be nice to have a meal together once a week, maybe a relaxed Sunday dinner. You all will be living together so I don't think you should have to pretend you don't exist/stick to your room. Eating together is really bonding and if you're not spending lots of time together in the week, just passing by, then it will be a good chance to reconnect and have some fun together.

That’s what I was going to ask. Was it a no fault
eviction (landlord selling etc) or they didn’t pay their way. The latter would worrying me moving into my home, especially with a baby on the way and DiL going on Maternity leave

landlord selling

I think many of us are going to have to get used to a switch back to multigenerational living and I don’t think the idea is a bad one in principle but I’m afraid I think this part is utterly mad. As multiple pp have said, this arrangement is not going to last a year and is likely to go on much longer. You are going to relegate yourself to a bed sit in your own home. Where will you entertain your friends? What happens if you meet someone?

Set clear boundaries and expectations.
You should definitely charge rent, if you don't want to keep it then save it up and give it back to them. If it all goes wrong they can use it as a rental deposit!
Don't under estimate how stressful it can be.