To not want to give up my day off?

[justbecool25]

I suspect I might be BU

I've been with my partner for 7 years and he has a 16 yo DS, we have a good relationship. When he was 13 he first attempted suicide and he's been struggling mentally since with many other attempts. He seemed to be doing well for a while but he's been struggling again recently. CAHMS are involved but can't do much.

His mum told partner she can't cope with him struggling and so he's been living with us full time for around a month. He has told DP he feels abit better as he has his own space (he was sharing a room at his mums) and our house is a lot quieter but a few nights ago he asked DP to stay with him as he was having suicidal thoughts. And since then DP has been staying with him every night and not letting him out of his sight.

He works from home usually but once a month he needs to go into the office, this is Monday. Stepson is off school currently due to his mental health and school are putting more pressure on him about exams which isn't helping him mentally. Professionals agree.

I've got a day off on Monday and had planned to meet with a friend for a coffee then look around shops but DP has now asked me to stay home with stepson to keep an eye on him.

I know I'm probably BU but I don't want to give my day off up. AIBU? I do love and care for stepson, I'm aware this thread may not seem like it.

Yes.

I didn’t say the mental health issues were not there, I said the acute suicide ideation requiring him to have more constant presence had only been the last few nights.

Once again, you are inferring meaning when OP has given none. It is not necessary that posters compound invented issues when OP has not said or even suggested that the Saturdays are problematic for her.

@justbecool25

I have a daughter struggling with poor mental health. You say A&E don't do anything, which is true in my experience BUT what it does do is flag to CAMHS that he is struggling. They should also have given you an emergency helpline (in my area its 111 option 2 but not sure if that's the same everywhere) and CAMHS Duty Line for during the day.

Every time SS needs change eg like now needing overnight support, call the Duty Line. They will re-triage and it could get him an assessment sooner. Or at the very least, they'll work with your family on a safety plan.

This is a child in crisis, he can't be left alone, it's not safe. Could his mum come to your house? Could dad ask his work to wfh this month?

Otherwise, you do really need to forgo your coffee. I appreciate I'm a mum rather than step-mum but I've made huge sacrifices this last year to put my child first. It won't be forever.

OP does need some time to relax and recharge, so does dad so I can’t hate on him having a couple of hours at football after caring for his son 24/7 the rest of the week. Unfortunately, when you are dealing with someone suicidal, you work to their schedule and take your moments when they are up.

Again@StormingNorman you cannot hate on OP's dp for having time away from the house but you sure don't like the idea of the OP having ONE coffee with a friend.
Why is this? Why do you expect more from the stepmother?
I know you hate stepmothers, you make it clear, so can you at least answer this honestly?

He’s not going through so much that it stops him going to football every week while OP watches his son. But she can’t go for a coffee with a friend on her day off because DP doesn’t want to ask his ex - the childs’ actual mother to help ? What would he have done if OP had been working ? Should she have to take time off work to look after his child ?

😂😂😂

Why?
A laughing face on a thread about a teenager wanting to commit suicide is not good. Makes me think you don't actually care about that and just want to bash a stepmother.

But it’s fine for poster’s in support of her having the day off to tell her what she needs to do? Got it.

It’s almost as if people are less likely to mince their words when the life of a child is the topic of discussion …

Given that it's her house and she is accommodating the full-time presence of a gloomy teenager, I think she's already cutting him an impressive amount of slack.

Why should she? It’s his child. Why does he get to enjoy his leisure tIme and stick to his plans while OP doesn’t ?

Can't your friend come to you for coffee so you can still have a catch up?

@SchadenfreudeIstMeinMittelname

Your reply to @JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit is quite shocking and shows literally zero empathy for the OP's SS.

More laughing emojis. I don't get it. What's funny on this thread about a suicidal teenage boy? Are you less concerned about that and more concerned with trying to one up another poster?

The football season is August to May.

It’s one day. It’s not every week. I’d do that for a kid I didn’t know ffs.

Blimey OP, what a nightmare you are living in. I can well imagine you need a couple of hours with a friend over coffee for support. You are not a mental health professional, I actually am and I wouldn't be happy taking sole responsibility for a suicidal teenager either.
Does your partner's work have an option for carers leave? That would be my first line of approach for tomorrow. Then get your partner to campaign to whoever will listen re the deterioration in DSS mental health.

Unbelievable!! No you trot on and have a lovely coffee and a good old gossip with your friend and a good old rummage round the shops.

I mean what could possibly go wrong !!

YABU

I also recommend that you contact his care team ASAP. Like PP have said, he may benefit from closer supervision and maybe a change in the treatment he is receiving.

@justbecool25 could your friend come to you for coffee? Just explain you need to be at home.

I don't think it's your responsibility but I do think it's pretty cold to refuse to help out in the circumstances.

I wondered this too. If op and her dp were both working, what happens then? And that has probably happened before on his office day.

@justbecool25 please could you clarify what would happen? Because I’m sure he’s got a solution, so why can’t he use that same solution when you’re off but busy?

I haven’t been dishonest anywhere for you to need my honestly now. I also haven’t said I don’t think the OP needs some time away from this to relax. Literally…read the first line of what you quoted back at me.

I’m not holding the SM to a higher standard. There are issues with Mum’s ability to care for her son so she doesn’t figure in the equation. Dad cannot be home because he has to go into the office one day per month and this is it. I would do this as a favour to my partner, if not for the child’s sake.

This has nothing to do with my thoughts on step parents generally.

Alright, I’ll let you all have this one. @Lovelysausagedogscrumpy @bellezarara @SchadenfreudeIstMeinMittelname and @Iaskedyouthrice etc.

OP should just go out and enjoy her day off with her friend.

I am a step mother of many many years - I don’t come here to bash step mothers. Never ever.

@bellezarara wrong post quoted.

So do you have to take AL once a month now to keep an eye on your DSS for the day that DP goes in to work? He needs to have a convo with his workplace, and with CAMHS because if you have 20 days AL a year 12 days that is Not On.

Or drop DSS at his mother's where he will not be alone and can help with childcare.