He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

[whatasneezeyone]

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill

I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now

The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please'

And he tapped.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty.

I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

Was it an expensive Sushi restaurant, who chose the restaurant and how much was your half?

I don’t think you can tell from this example- he might have been trying to save you from embarrassment while frustrated he was paying for a whole date. You agreed to pay half, I’d expect to pay half and I’d definitely transfer. If there are other factors fine, but if not, give it another go?

But that makes no sense at all. It's far less bother to have a terminal with all the payment details right there, so you only have to pop your card in and press five buttons, than to have to go into your internet banking, enter all the details to set somebody up as a new payee, then enter in the transaction details again.

It's also less convenient for your records, as instead of clearly seeing on your statement that you spent £35 in Sushi Stooshie, you sent £35 to Mark Peters and have to remember who Mark was and exactly what you paid him for.

How exactly does somebody being in the very process of paying for her half of the date make you frustrated that you are somehow paying for what's she's in the middle of paying for herself?

Love how you've decided what he meant. If that is what he meant he should have said that. It makes no sense anyway, she was trying to pay by using her card and pin, when he said it! That would have saved the hassle of having to ask her to transfer it and her transferring it. He needs to either let people on dates pay the 50/50 split as agreed or be clearer with his declarations.

What has that got to do with anything? He asked to pay and then changed his mind

Yet that is what happened. He paid and then asked for the half back as they had agreed to split the bill 50/50.

Maybe he thought that letting her transfer the money afterwards would save her from having to worry about her card being rejected again.

And the records thing isn't an issue. Don't most online banking transfers allow you to create a reference? "For Sushi" would solve that.

Um it's not me deciding that's what he meant. What else could it have meant when he asked her to send half back after saying it?

Well it is when you've said "He meant" when you aren't him and weren't there. I propose he changed his mind on paying for the whole meal. I can't see any other logical reason why you'd use the wording "let me get this please" surely any reasonable person would just say "ill pay, we'll sort it later"

It's fascinating that the person that is getting called mean and penny pinching is the person that has paid the entire bill.

The OP resents paying her half of the bill even though this was the agreement made, and she was more free and easy with the amount of dishes she took (from the sounds of the OP).

OP when your date said "let me get it" - because your card declined - you should have said "thanks I'll transfer my half over".

Yes if you want someone that will splash the cash then perhaps this is not the person for you. But you risk missing out on perfectly nice blokes that could be good partners if you write them off without getting to know them simply because they aren't rich or reckless with money. Perhaps he has a tight budget, perhaps he saves a lot for a house deposit or has a mortgage that has gone up with interest rate rises and gobbles up most of his wage. Why should you spend his money and not your own?

Because maybe he assumed the OP would know what he meant, seeing as they had agreed to split the bill. I mean, if you had agreed to split the bill, would you not offer to pay him back? Or would you just assume you were getting a free meal despite having watched the guy being frugal with his meal choices all night.

OP when your date said "let me get it" - because your card declined - you should have said "thanks I'll transfer my half over".

Exactly. Then you would have known what he meant, rather than assuming you were getting a freebie.

This

Pay him £30.22 and see if he messages about the missing pound!

I think if you really liked him you wouldn't have even posted.

Sure another date... Fast forward 10 years and you are in a shoe shop with your joint dc... Your lovely dc has chosen some new shoes and your dh wanders off when it's time to pay...
Ime today...
Dh is a penny pincher and has been since that first date..
Throw that one back op.
The resentment is a relationship killer...

Pay him and ghost him after.

I’d happily transfer him the money, but I wouldn’t be seeing him again. Either he is really struggling financially, or he isn’t generous. Neither scenario would work for me at this point in time. Dating aside, if something similar happened with a friend, I’d say ‘don’t worry about it, you get the next one’. I’d do the same on a date if I was the one who paid.

I'm really confused. So, you bought more food than him, then he agreed to split the bill and you tapped and got your card declined and he spared you both embarrassment and paid the bill and now all he's done wrong is ask for half the bill (that he didn't even spend) back and ask for another date?!

And this puts you OFF a man?!!

Young short michael keaton - it's a no from me. Pay your share as you suggested but no second date.

Fit carpet fitter - its a yes.

One of the best things about my dh is our values are aligned. He "feels" the same way about money, value, treats that are /atrent worth it as me.
Mr sushi chips wouldn't be for me.

And what does that mean????

LOL is it the short-ness or the Michael Keaton-ness of it all that's off putting?

😅😅😅😅

Given how tall my dh is it must be the michael keaton-ness....

So you want a sugar daddy in other words.

Do lots of people really get embarrassed when they've reached the contactless security limit, and so they're asked to enter the PIN?

Bearing in mind that, up until contactless was a thing, this was the way we made card payments in shops every single time?

I personally get annoyed when it just says 'declined' rather than 'please insert card and use PIN' - in the same way that I get annoyed when a website berates me for inputting the 'wrong' password before I could possibly have finished typing it out - but everybody knows that it's just computers being stupid and not in any way embarrassing, surely?

Umm, her card failed? Repeatedly. And the amount was well below the tap limit. He was concerned it was because there wasn’t money on it and she was trying to bluff it out.