He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

[whatasneezeyone]

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill

I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now

The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please'

And he tapped.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty.

I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

Seems simple to me. If you liked him and found him attractive give him a chance and get to know him better.

If it was a first date, I sort of understand tge going half's. But he has suggested a second date. I would give him another chance if you liked him originally. Finances can be tricky for everyone at different times. Perhaps he's just moved into his own place, had car trouble etc

I should expect the OP probably thought there would be future dates too until he sent her a bonkers message the next day asking for half his money back.

I've got three different accounts with contactless cards and none of them decline when they need the pin. They say insert card. Obviously it's not standard across the board, so op has one that declines , he has one that doesn't, so his reasonable assumption is that her card is a problem or she doesn't have the money right then .

Hardly a reasonable assumption when she then says "I just need to enter my PIN". Unless he has a cream cracker for a brain. Either way not appealing.

Why is it bonkers? She agreed to pay half. She also ate more than half her share of the bill.

Wouldn't have sex with him, obviously.
He thought 30 quid would do the trick as she was obviously completely broke, it didn't work. So he cashed in his investment and got his 30 quid back.

As has already been explained 300,000 times on this thread, it was bonkers because he said "please let me get this", which (unless you are learning about how to communicate with other human beings from a book aimed at martians) clearly implies "please let me cover the bill", not "I'll pay this for you now but I'll ask you for half of it back after". And he said that AFTER OP had clearly said she would enter her PIN, so no he wasn't trying to save her from embarrassment.

If I say "please let me get this", I mean I'm paying for it, I don't mean I want half of it back later.

I'm referring to women who've made it clear that they expect the man to pay and won't go on a date where it's proposed that the bill is shared.

This happens to me too. On my Barclaycard credit card.

Maybe you haven't but PPs up thread have said that if you ever accept a man paying for you on a date you should basically sod off back to the 50s in your pinny with your victory rolls.

@Plumeface fair enough 😆

Wasn't that the point, then, at which OP could have suggested she NOT transfer the money and SHE would pay on their next date?

Asking for half when it was agreed is fine.

However giving it the Bertie big balls to the waiter but still asking for half is a red flag for me.

Has he contacted you again @whatasneezeyone ?

Well no, because he'd already sent the bonkers message. No way would I be going on a second date after that.

This is one of those threads, though. OP does a couple of innocuous posts in the few days prior to the one where they know there'll be big difference of opinion about whether it's sexist, whether it's a red flag, blah di blah....

Don't snidely imply, it's boring. If you're suspicious then report the thread.

Its really not. Happens to me at least once a week, happened today actually. Happens several times a day at work.

@Janetime hasn’t returned since the proof she demanded was posted…

It had already been posted twice even before she said so confidently that it hadn't been.

It depends on the place I think. At work it says "AUthentication required, please insert card" but at my local pub is just says "Declined" and this is on the same card. I hate it when it happens at the pub as you get that brief panic that there is no money (I had my card cloned once and they cleared me out in 10 minutes, so I do worry when it happens).

I see a few comments saying ‘they wouldn’t like if a man wanted to pay for the meal and then messaged asking for you to transfer half’ etc.

It’s very clear that he did NOT want to pay for the full meal. He let the OP tap her own card and what, you think he had a change of heart as soon as her card didn’t work? To me, his wording was clumsy as he could have said, ‘I’ll pay and you just transfer me’ or something along those lines however it’s obvious that he didn’t want to pay the full thing anyway.

Yes I know that there was nothing wrong with the OPs card and she was going to enter the pin but I think, that he thinks, he was genuinely helping out. I still don’t think that’s tight

Yes. He sent a '????' To his question about meeting to again

I said something along the lines of 'it was nice meeting you recently. Unfortunately, I don't see it working out. I'm sorry. Hope you find someone lovely soon!'

He replied with 'I did find someone lovely 😪 no chance of another go then?'

I said 'Sorry, no'

And he replied again with a paragraph. So I blocked him

Haven't had a chance to catch up on previous messages since I last looked at the thread. Will take a look now

I think there is a halfway position too, which is that he was just covering her half because the card didn’t work, expected her to pay it back but could have been chilled enough to wait until the next date and let her pay then. It’s a long time since I dated but that’s how I’d handle it with a friend. The whole bank transfer bit is slightly gauche and uncomfortable in a date/ close friend outing.