He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

[whatasneezeyone]

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill

I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now

The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please'

And he tapped.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty.

I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

Yanbu I think it's good for women to pay their way but you were going to. If he didn't want to get the bill he should have let you pay half at the time. His wording makes it sound like he decided to treat you

Second date with my partner his card was declined (after we'd agreed to split) so I paid. I didn't send him a bank transfer request after, though! But it was a sign of things to come. He had no money for years. Fortunately I was very well paid, so didn't mind picking up the tab. 13 years later and the roles are reversed as I'm retraining and he changed career into a much better paid and less arty field.

I think him requesting the cash is not a good sign. There needs to be some give and take in a relationship, 50/50 all the way would be hard work.

If he actually actually offered, it wouldn’t shout sexy to me that he asked for it back. I don’t think this is about freeloading, as in this situation I think you would then say the next meal’s on you. So it would still be equal but feel less clumsy more like dating

Call me a moneygrabber, but not being able to afford a mochi wouldn’t be that appealing. (Unless you’re in your first jobs?)

somewhere out there, a man is saying to his mates.

Nice date last night, got on well, i halped her out when her card was declined and tried to smooth it over so we could sort it out later. Sent her a mesage later on asking for next date and she just completly ghosted me!

WOMEN ARE ODD!

It would be better if he'd said "Let's go out, your turn to pay" but as it is he comes over as a tightwad. And I should know, I AM one.
But I hate splitting bills. My OH always makes me laugh when I pay these days - he's all of 18 months younger than me and calls me his sugar mummy. Until I point out I m paying from the joint account! Now that is bill sharing!

Well she didn't need or want his help, did she? He shouldn't have assumed she couldn't sort it herself.

So not only is he tighter than a duck’s arse, he’s a liar too, because OP transferred the money to him as soon as he texted. And she never needed him to smooth anything over, she intended to pay for herself.

MEN ARE LIARS.

And she could have used her words and insisted on putting her PIN in. She didn't. It was then down to her to have the manners to ask for his bank details to pay him back. She obviously didn't, which is why he had to send them. I would have interpreted "let me get this" as "you can pay me back later" given that an arrangement had already been made.

I think he's dodged a bullet really.

You alright?

Why would she insist, she obviously thought he was making a nice gesture. That's what I would've thought.

Except if he was saying that he'd be saying "she said she was going to put her pin in, but I just told her to please let me get it. Then I texted her the next day and asked for my money back".

He sounds a keeper - NOT! Chuck him back in the pond.

as we can see here - half of us seem to assume "getting it for her" is just helping her out in that instance, to be sorted out after the meal - her giving him cash or bank transfer

and half interpret it as him offering to pay for her.

it was a quick comment at the time as he offered his card (which he had out to pay his share). i don't think you can read much into it either way.

Think you meant to reply to @burnoutbabe

OP Reading fail of the day for you @Ellie1015
The issue is that he wanted to look like Billy big bollocks in front of the waiter saying he would pay when it would have taken an extra 5seconds for the OP to pay. Saying he wanted to pay, and then asking for the money back is the issue.

HTH

he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Assuming this man is a fully formed adult (not a 22yo first time in adult dating world) this would be a turn off for me on the first date. And combined with the weird joke about chips and then this whole thing, I don't think it would be for me. This money Talk is not a first date conversation.

Also i do thinkt splitting the bill evenly should be banned unless everyone genuinely eats the same thing. Let's all just pay what we had.

I'd still love to know how many more dishes OP ordered than him, as stated in her opening post. What if his share of the actual bill was only £20 and hers was £45? Would everyone be so quick to judge him for wanting to stick to the original arrangement of splitting it evenly, seeing as that's still a good deal for her?

Sometimes going halves is decided then the man decides he really likes his date so wants to pay for her after all. Just a thought..

and like women aren’t.

And what about women then?

True

Card being declined just meant she needed to put her pin number in, as she explained.

If you're not a fan of men taking over - which is exactly what he did - I don't know why you're giving him the benefit of the doubt. I don't think grown women need men to 'help'. He wouldn't do that if it was one of his mates - I'm absolutely positive of that - so why do it for a date, unless he's being Billy Big Potatoes.

I don’t really see the problem tbh. You were meant to split anyway so what difference does it make? Some people don’t remember their pin and it’s all a faff using something other than contactless. It was on the spot and maybe he thought he was helping out?

I don’t think it’s tight if someone genuinely cannot afford to spare the money. Can’t see what he did wrong really

And this is relevant how?

There are people on this thread saying they expect men to pay on the first date irrespective. What you did back in the day is irrelevant.