He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

[whatasneezeyone]

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill

I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now

The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please'

And he tapped.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty.

I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

Where are you getting a few hours later from?

@whatasneezeyone anyone saying you’re tight or in the wrong is bonkers here.

What this guy did was deeply odd and along with the comment of “I’ve spent too much” about the dessert shows he is tight and funny about money. No one can be doing with that vibe.

Id say the same if the roles were reversed and you were the bloke and he was the woman.

im embarrassed for him pursuing you for £30 when he said let me get this.

Because a man who doesn't offer to pay on the first date is not a man worth dating imo.

Why?

Why? Why different standards for men and women?

Goodness knows. Plenty of women happy to be freeloaders though by the look of it.

In my experience, if a man is into a woman, he will pay for at least the first date if not the second. I am aware that this is an unpopular opinion on here, but I can't help it. Experentia docet and the one time I have gone halves, it hasn't worked out. I like being pursed and treated a bit. I'm a date, not someone's business partner. I would also never ask a man out, before anyone says 'he who asks, pays'.

Because like it or not, a man who doesn't do the pursuing isn't into the woman. It has nothing to do with 'freeloading' and everything to do with sexual dynamics. If I am paying halves straight out of the gate, that tells me all I need to know, none of it good.

I'd send him the money for the entire meal to shame him. I'd message him and say don't worry my treat, I didn't realise you were so hard up. Then I'd tell him to never contact me again and block.

Just wow. How much do you object to putting your hand in your pocket. Shame on you.

I said I'd send him the amount for the whole meal.. so how does that seem like I object to putting my hand in my pocket

Well you would have paid your half if your card didn’t decline. He was probably embarrassed so just wanted the payment done. You are being petty by not just giving it to him. Personally I would have offered it before being asked.

Why else are you blocking him and making arsey texts if it’s not because you object to paying your share, as agreed?

He should have just let her insert the card into the machine and put the pin in then. The whole I'll get this indicates that he's happy to treat her. But regardless it's not about the money...he just sounds incredibly charmless, awkward and lacking in any social graces.

Why would he jump so quickly to embarrassment if she hadn't even had the chance to enter her pin? That reactivity would be a red flag .

Nope. I’m looking into my crystal ball and I’m seeing a husband who tit-for-tats his wife. And when she’s down to her statutory maternity pay when she’s birthed his baby, he tallies everything up and expects reimbursement. AVOID.

Exactly. Nothing makes my clam clench tighter than a penny pinching tightwad.

Yes he's being tight. Not a good look.
But so are you.

My friend has been married for 6 years and her husband insists everything is 50/50. Everything. Like if he buys a pint of milk for a quid he will ask her for the 50p. It would drive me round the twist.

i guess he is not that into you op and there will be no further dates

That made my toes curl so much. The 50s are calling you back.

Really...you think a man supporting his wife during maternity leave when her pay has been significantly reduced is old fashioned?

That's hot

No I think getting your ridiculous crystal ball out when you don’t know the ops age, if she wants kids, if she can have kids, what she does for a living, if she’d be on stat, and predicting marriage and kids from one date is cringe.

hope that clears it up for you.