He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

[whatasneezeyone]

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill

I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now

The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please'

And he tapped.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty.

I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

There are definitely mean ones! 😬

Did you like him otherwise?

No, you wouldn’t.
it’s always the man’s fault on mumsnet.

I'm on the fence about this one.

Maybe he's been stung before with the type who expects the man to pay for everything.

Maybe he handled it awkwardly.

Maybe he's strapped.

I'd maybe give him another go.

Genuine tightness from anyone male or female is a real dealbreaker but this one's not clear cut.

From his point of view, the "oh my card got declined, let me put in my pin..." sounds a liiiiittle "I don't want to pay."

Then he must be a complete idiot and utterly hopeless at understanding how basic adult life works.

Incidentally, what would he have done if his card had reached the contactless transaction-number limit and been declined, requiring him to enter his PIN?

Does he catatrophise everything, I wonder? Does he forget where he's put his phone down for a moment and instantly assume that armed robbers from an international crime ring must have broken in and seized it before planning to take him hostage?

Exactly! Entering the pin would’ve been quick enough, but he wanted to show himself.
Ignore him OP.

Banks randomly stop tap payments to force security. You can get sent to pin entry on a single tap if algoritms processed it like that.

OP said multiple times she was about to enter pin when that bloke offered to pay.

As an advice, stop making scenarios in your head and getting butthurt about them.

I would block him and not pay, then save myself from 1) getting involved with a cheap t-wat b) paying 30 pounds, it’s feels like killing two birds with one stone.

Yes I would because it's a fucking weird thing to do.

Regardless of there being a COL crisis or him being broke, no one likes a penny pincher. People want to be on a date where the person is relaxed and focused on them and not on how to divide everything evenly so they god forbid wouldn't spend a £1 on the other person

Love how you think you know a stranger on the internet better than she knows herself.

She's already paid it. RTFT. Are you always this dense?

It's not unusual, it is a safety feature in case cards are stolen. Mine does it, ai can't remember the number of times you can tap before it asks for a pin. But it is fairly regularly

If he thought she didn't have the money, messaging her a few hours later wouldn't be the thing to do

It's really not about splitting bills. OP was happy and able to do so.

Overall this didn't come off well. He may have thought he was saving you embarrassment but you'd saved your own face by saying you'd probably tapped too many times, so it wasn't as though you were sat there out of options. He should have let you try again.

And this does happen, my partner's card gets declined all the time for some reason and he has to put his PIN in. He too is perfectly solvent.

Go with your gut. If he'd wanted another date he should have let this go and let you pick up the tab next time rather than make a fuss after offering to pay. He's the one who has moved the goalposts twice from the initial plan, not you. It just looks petty.

My impression is with the chips thing, dry sense of humour (which I have and appreciate but can easily slip into "cutting''), this guy was pretty quick to take over and not in a easy mannered way offering to sort things out there and then with the clear expectation he would still like you to ping the money over, that he will be potentially quite a cold fish and a bit huffy and short tempered.

If you really got on brilliantly apart from this then ok, chance another date but unless it was really quite special I would pay him (I think you have) and not bother. Sometimes it's the way things are handled that are telling rather than the reductive view of 'What's wrong with going halves?'.

And yes, he was quick to think the worst rather than let you try and rectify something that happens all the time.

What irony? I get that some people think that the OP is BU, but she really isn't. I would have checked out the moment he said that he was being 'careful' about the dessert. Cost of living vibes indeed. Cheapness and stinginess is a hideous quality in a date, and a first date is him putting his best foot forward.

It's all a bit dated 😂
I've always been happy to pay for first dates as long as it's reciprocated. Don't need a man to be well paid as I can look after myself and I'm handy with a drill.

Fuck no! 😂

I’d have preferred it if he let you pay next time. By leaping in now he’s not even given you the opportunity to resolve it in that more civilised way. If you went out again and you didn’t offer, perhaps he could have mentioned a payment then; but to preempt the next date by making sure he’s “all squared up and compensated” first seems a bit ick.

How come you only apply this to men?

You agreed to split the bill and your card declined, so he put it on his to save the awkwardness. Yabu for not saying 'no its fine' and paying yourself or just transferring the money. But if being expected to pay your way is a deal breaker for you then walk away. You sound petty

Mine does it loads, like every other day. My bank then texts me to tell me I need to verify it was me. It's really really common.

I did get that wrong, my memory confused the bit where she said she had tapped too often with the moment of paying.