He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

[whatasneezeyone]

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill

I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now

The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please'

And he tapped.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty.

I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

Any man who texts asking to transfer money for the food on a first date won't be getting a second date.

Move on to someone else, OP.

This could be my friend’s brother - he works in finance, on well over 6 figures, owns his own massive house in a very desirable location (no mortgage) and he is SO TIGHT. Never buys a round, will happily take drinks from others but never return the favour. Always got a coupon (nothing wrong with a bargain but it’s extreme with him). Won’t contribute to parking or petrol if she drives him to family stuff (he doesn’t have a car). It’s so icky!

He is in his late 30s and already divorced (used to charge his ex-wife rent but wouldn’t put her on the mortgage). All very odd.

I absolutely would too. Some mathsy people react differently though. My son is very generous but if you split a bill, he’ll do it exactly. The correctness of the maths trumps social rounding! 🤣

He does seem a bit on edge and weird about money, which is a big turn off.

I would be annoyed that he jumped in and paid just because your card was declined once and needed inserting - was he embarrassed or something? It's strange behaviour. It would really put me off.

The op could have said no. She’s a grown up, and quite frankly the op is even weirder about money.

he should have said: " Let me get this and you can pay me your half later if that's ok". Then send you the link a few days after. I wouldn't go on another date with this man, would be so put off. He seems very cheap.

I think you're assuming you've met on a dating app? Which I appreciate may be the norm these days.

But even so, don't forget that paying happens at the end of the first date - men know by then whether or not they're bothered about impressing you or having a second date. If not that bothered, absolutely fine - each pay half and move on. But in my humble opinion, to be worth moving forward a man needs to be very keen on the woman from the get-go. If not, it's not going to be a great relationship, and when it ends you'll see how differently he behaves towards a woman he sees as more than 'good enough for now' (not that that's what you are, just all that you were for him) and the point will come crashing home. Just my experience.

I am pretty sure if the machine requires you to enter your pin because you have tapped one too many times it doesn't usually decline but states insert card so you can enter your pin.

That's what I believe to be true so if I was with a friend, I would also offer to pay their half and would likely use it as a treat to them. However some people may simply not be able to afford it, it might have been a spur of the moment, "I will get this" and after checking his bank account had less money than he thought.

He could have suggested it to save embarrassment at the time and thought he had the money to cover it at the time but in hindsight not so much.

Personally, it would not put me off someone in your situation given that you had arranged to each pay your own share.

And this.

i dont know why you are annoyed

most of us are feeling the pinch.
middle of the month

did you make a follow up plan?

perhaps he also found you off putting and wants his money back

Well I've read all of OP's posts and disagree that she is being weird about money, but maybe you are seeing something I'm not.

Sure, she could have said no, but in that situation, on a date with a waiter stood there, I can see why she might have been a bit embarrassed or hesitant.

He just shouldn't have done it in the first place - it's just a typical example of a man trying to leap in and take control of a situation that a woman is handling perfectly well herself.

Been stated multiple times on this thread that it does decline.

It depends on your bank. Mine declines, and I get an immediate text message from the bank to say my transaction has been declined.

Ah so he was the big man in the restaurant, then wants you to ping back the money

fair enough to go halves, but he went about it wrong

Is it unforgivable though? …

@Janetime it is not unusual. I have to put my card in sometimes.

To be honest almost everyone is a bit on edge and weird about money right now 😁😬

eating out is super expensive 😭

A request for £31.22 would have prompted a very slightly passive aggressive transfer of £31.25 from me, with a reference "keep the change".

Him not rounding it to £30 would put me off especially.

The fact that he couldn't divide by 2 in his head would have put me off more...

@plumeface When there are multiple pages to read through and I comment on a thread, I usually check all the OP comments and skim thorough others. However, I did state that was my understanding but I stand corrected.

@Youdontevengohere Mine has always just asked for me to enter my card and then pin number so assumed it would be same across the board but never declined.

@OneNiftyPoet why would it put you off if someone could not divide by half?

Curious more than anything? What if they have dyscalculia?

I’d be out off. Unless he couldn’t afford to pay the full bill then I’d want someone to just pay without a fuss and I’d then I’d pay the next time. If he didn’t want to meet again, just write it off. It sounds petty and tight and making a deal out of something that shouldn’t have been a thing. I like the sound of the other guys attitude.

My maths is terrible so I would not want as a life partner someone whose maths was also terrible. Recipe for disaster 🤣

I would have expected you to either say - thanks but i'll try the pin now.

Or, after he paid (which i also assume was to avoid embarrassing anyone at the end of a nice date), you'd mention repayment as you were leaving - ie - thanks for the evening, let me know your bank details so i can transfer my half.

not, you don't mention it so he has to chase up later on.

(also an accountant, can't see he has done much wrong here)