He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

[whatasneezeyone]

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill

I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now

The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please'

And he tapped.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty.

I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

@Pelham678 op literally says my card was declined.

Obviously she knows she has enough money to cover it but from his perspective he doesn't so he said he would pay.

A better approach would have been to ask her. I'm not a fan of a man taking over. But I would give him the benefit of the doubt that he was trying to help.

Personally I have never experienced the used your card too many times so need to enter your pin. So I would assume someone didn't have funds or their card was playing up.

From his point of view, the "oh my card got declined, let me put in my pin..." sounds a liiiiittle "I don't want to pay."

From your POV, it was all completely innocent and you fully intended to pay your bit. But remember, he doesn't really know you. It's a first date, and there's no way he could know your honest intentions.
He, not unreasonably, probably found that a little bit embarrassing and awkward, so offered to pay in order to get the awkwardness out of the way.

Him following up for your half later on isn't unreasonable, as that's what you'd agreed. And you saw that perhaps it was a financial stretch for him to cover the whole meal unexpectedly.

I don't think he's done anything wrong, personally. But if it was enough to give you the ick, then fair enough. It was a first date after all, it's not that serious.

But she SAID "I just need to put my PIN in".

I dont get embarassed if i have to double tap or insert but thats because i know my funds are in there. Perhaps he thought there was an issue she was trying to cover/didnt want to make a scene/hold up the Que kind of thing

One of my bank cards is always doing this! The other I rarely have to put my pin in but it is a common occurrence.

Maybe he had second hand embarrassment.

People must be very easily embarrassed if they think it is reasonable to be embarrassed when your contactless doesn't work and you have to put your PIN in. This is a multiple daily occurrence in shops and restaurants.

But she suggested the place. She said oh let me put my pin in. So those two things suggest she did have the money. But he still said he'd get it.
If he didn't think she had the funds then surely he wouldn't have asked her for it later on.
Having to put your pin in takes a few extra seconds so not really holding up a queue anyway. If he's that anxious about not making a fuss over a few seconds then that's just another reason not to date him further anyway in my opinion.

31.22

Oh gosh no, again however my dh is still like this.

We share everything but don't have much spare money so if I do want to buy something larger I may say can we go half's and he will ask about the pence. I will give 30 and he will say you said half where is the 67 p.
It's weird and again a hang up from his parents.
I just laugh.

I wouldn’t want to see him again.

He’s either mean with money which I find unattractive or of limited financial means which again I find unattractive. If I was back on the dating scene I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was significantly different from me financially.

Or on a take-away and cab home after a rubbish date with a plate counter.

OP I not making a joke at your expense… it’s just bringing back memories of my own dating history 😊

I'm taking my friend out for her birthday next week. I doubt if it will cost that much.

Devils advocate - perhaps he has had money troubles in the past / grown up with them and your card being declined triggered him to get it done and over?

If you liked him then try one more date. Yes of course he should have let put your card into the machine and you should have that conversation with him, at which point you can make a decision. And if you aren’t that keen then let him know

Well he did indicate that he felt he had spent enough already and would try one of the dishes another time.

Ergo, cheapskate.

that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'
That's from the first post

Did he really ask for exactly half to the penny? I was slightly hmmm maybe give him the benefit of the doubt until I read that

This comment alone is offputting.

It's a first date and this is when you should be seeing him at his best.

Isn’t the question - did you like him? If you did, did you message him saying something along the lines of ‘thanks for stepping in last night when my card was declined, the next one is on me if you’d like to meet up again?’

Maybe he had you confused with a CF who uses that for an excuse to not pay, and then followed up the next evening having not heard back from you with plans to pay him back or take him out?

This. It happens quite regularly with one of my cards, why on earth would that be embarrassing?

Did he want to pay so he got the Santander reward points?

I know people who always offer to pay when out so they get credit card points for it but they are upfront about it. It's the going back on what he said that would bother me.

Absolutely this. Gross. It’s a no from me.

You're well within your rights to be put off by this, everybody will react in a different way.
But what I don't like is you saying "cost of living vibes"
The Cost of living crisis is a real thing and it is affecting many. You can't criticise somebody for not having much disposable income. You were happy to put half to start with. Just because somebody has a smaller disposable income doesn't mean they shouldn't date !

I’d pay and actually see nothing wrong with him asking. WRT to him asking for the exact amount my banking app does that automatically so maybe it’s that.

sounds like you’re not a good match, OP but I’d be fine with him asking for the money.

😂 😂

Would you have been keen for a second date before this happened?

if so, go out again and see how the land lies. You could be dumping a good looking, good new relationship, for one mistake on his part.