He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

[whatasneezeyone]

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill

I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now

The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please'

And he tapped.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty.

I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

She said he’s giving her cost of living vibes. If that doesn’t indicate she isn’t interested due to lack of money I don’t know what does.

Nope, I'm very much female. OP's 'cost of living vibes' is what's making me think he was being reasonable, because I'm getting 'I was after a slap-up freebie sushi meal and now I'm annoyed I got caught out' vibes from her.

It’s not a crime for women to want to date a man who she is evenly matched with in terms of income.

I mean have you not seen the amount of cocklodging men that abound on AIBU?

Yeah, £60 is definitely a "slap up" meal.

You're just not suited. You were happy to suggest splitting the bill 50:50 when you'd had more than him, I'm going off the cheesecake comment, and then didn't like him asking you to make a transfer straightaway afterwards. Had that been me, I'd have probably asked could I transfer my half of the bill unless the real issue is that you thought he was paying full stop. Anyway, if this is how you're feeling and you get money issues vibes then move on.

@Bookworm1111 £60 is not a slap up meal. You could spend that in pizza express or harvester.

I wouldn't be interested in a skint bloke. I would not want to live a life of watching the pennies.

🤣

And she wanted to pay for her own meal. The twat had to act like a big man in front of the waiter.

Now he’s turned what would have been a 10 second chip and PIN job into OP having to transfer him money.

Wow. £60 on one meal can be a lot to a family that only has that amount to spend on a weekly shop. Check your privilege.

This!!!!
Had similar.
I transfer the cash but not go on another date with him.

I suspect the OP pretended to genuinely use an out of date card that she knew would be declined so she could get out of her half of the bill...
is what someone will be along to say at some point.

But really, I'd be going on no more dates with this tightarse man. Very happy to split the bill or get it myself but asking someone for half after the event in these circumstances would not work for me.

Agree. Regardless, 'cost of living vibes' is gross. He should be happy she's turned off.

Uh, my default is splitting the bill.

However, if I was on a first date with a man and I made myself forceful about not accepting his offer to pay for both of us, it would because I'd decided there wasn't going to be a second date, or I thought he expected sex in return for buying me food (which would also mean no second date).

By the same token, if I did want to see him again, I'd be graceful about accepting his offer to pay, because I wouldn't want to inadvertently signal that I didn't want a second date.

Social interactions are complicated, right?

You had me there for a second 🤣

The bit that would put me off slightly though is the comment about having spent enough already.

This. I would have had the ick BEFORE the card was declined!

Exactly

She wasn’t passive. She asked waiter straightaway to let her chip and PIN it. It’s the twat who said let me get it and tapped his card to look like the big man.

£60 does not buy any family a slap up restaurant meal. There’s a cost of living crisis.

You've misread – we're actually agreeing. I said £60 for a meal is a lot when some families only have £60 to spend on a weekly shop. OP saying her date gave her 'cost of living vibes' because he asked for her half of bill is appalling.

I reckon he is comfortable- but a typical accountant! I’d definitely not see him again. I’d probably just message paid and then block him. Good luck with the carpet fitter. I dated loads and I never discussed who’d pay in advance, if someone had brought this up I’d have ruled them out (I wanted someone who was at least financially comfortable) and I also found that it was better to let men pay but gently offer to split at point of bill. The only ones who let me pay half didn’t want to see me again. Initially I was quite proactive on insisting on splitting and I think it was a loose loose, some men were slightly offended / took it as me not interested and obviously meant I was paying for half (or in a couple of cases whole where they misunderstood and I was too embarrassed in front of waiter to say I meant half!)

Not read every reply.

He may well have been struggling with money, he may well be going on lots of dates, but something about him has given you the MN ick. You have every right to not date him again with or without a reason. I'm sure if he'd been the one you would not be worried about this. Maybe there were other "micro tells" that are telling you "no".

Looking back my ex said something stupid on our first date that I ignored, I finally left and divorced him 6 years later. I really should have listened to that "did he really just say that?" moment.. trust your gut. BTW I like the sound of your other date ..

No, I disagree with you. You tried to lead the argument off into unrelated matters.

How is it unrelated? OP's the one who mentioned cost of living very early on in the thread because of her date's request that she keep to their original agreement of splitting the bill.

He's a single accountant. He's not a struggling family unable to afford a weekly shop. Shouldn't eat out if you can't afford it anyway.

I should imagine a person under those circumstances would not be going out to sushi restaurants.

Come on. £60 might be beyond the reach of some people but it is by no means an expensive meal out.