He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

[whatasneezeyone]

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill

I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now

The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please'

And he tapped.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty.

I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

Because she thought he was offering to pay, otherwise he'd have just let her put her PIN in.

I see it as he offered to pay to prevent her card not working a second time, maybe he didn’t think it through or was a bit embarrassed her card didn’t work. Thats what I would do for a friend, or if a friend stepped in for me I’d immediately say I’ll transfer you the money ASAP.

Why would he "panic" when OP clearly said she just needed to put her PIN in!

Ugh. I interpret this as he wanted to act like the hero in front of the waitress but he’s really a tight arse. Horrible behaviour. I’d be dumping him!

Well if I said to a friend "please, I'll get this", I wouldn't dream of asking them for half of it later.

I always just go for a quick drink on a first date with no food involved.

Then enter it now and pay the man the money you owe him rather than keep making excuses why you don't want to.

You are coming across as someone who is just after a freebie.

Because it's as clear as mud that he was covering the bill full stop. He thought she was struggling with her card and tapped his. If he had said implicitly 'let me get this one, you can pay for the next' then yes, there would've been a clear expectation that he was paying the entire bill. But there wasn't. For OP to then describe this reasonable confusion as 'giving cost of living vibes' is the biggest ick of all.

FFS, she has PAID IT ALREADY.

Jeez..

She already did! It's in the OP.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

It'd take them both out of the dating pool for everyone else though.

Why the fuck would he think she was struggling when she said "I just need to put my PIN in". Is he a simpleton?

He's just asking you to pay your half as agreed. Surely you want to do that anyway.?

It sounds like you are maybe different people OP, and you should go with the freebie first date meal and see how that goes.

He asked for the 22p! Nope.

Calm down dear. By struggling I meant it wasn't going through.

My DH paid for our first date (which BTW was a lot more than 60 quid), and we are still very happy together 15 years later.

I don't love the undertone on this thread that any woman accepting a man paying for a date is wrong to do so.

But it would have gone through had she just put her PIN in, which he didn't let her do.

I'm pretty sure most of these posters sticking up for tight arse are also men. Yes splitting the bill is ok but paying it then texting later asking for the money is just tight and weird. No wonder the op is put off.

If it was a man or woman I'd be saying the same

"Let me get this" implies he was fully covering the cost of the sushi, and not expecting 50/50.

For him to have asked you to transfer afterwards would put me off as well, as it's not what agreed at the time.

It also smacks of someone who wants to portray one image to the wider world, and another behind closed doors.

He wouldn't be for me based on what you have posted, I'd just pay him back my share and I'd move on.

Like I said, all the people defending the guy have just confirmed to me that the OP should run.

It’d be a “no” from me when he commented that he’d “spent enough today” so he wouldn’t have the lump of cheesecake (or whatever). Alarm bell for future penny-pinching. One trait I cannot abide. Then he’s sending his bank details in order to have half the money transferred? 😱

Tiny2018
"Women wanted equality, we got it"

Riiiight, yes completely equal, all sorted

Meanwhile in the real world...

She's got a voice, no? She could've been more assertive in stopping him but she sat there passively and then got annoyed when he stuck to their original agreement to pay half (which also sounds like a more even split than it should've been if she ordered more dishes, as stated in her OP).

It would massively put me off him. I do think first dates should be split but to offer in front of the waitress then send you his bank details would be a huge no from me.

The other guy sounds nice

She clearly thought he was making a nice gesture and offering to pay in full.

If I'd said to someone "please, let me get this", absolutely no way would I message later asking for the money back.