He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

[whatasneezeyone]

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill

I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now

The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please'

And he tapped.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty.

I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

Actually no, if a man posted saying we'd agreed to go halves, my contactless was declined because I needed to put my pin in, I was about to put my pin in but then the woman I was on a date with said oh no don't worry I'll get it. Then she messaged me and asked for half of it back.

I'd think the same of her!

I wouldn't go ahead either. It feels petty. If he likes you most blokes would write off £30. I wouldn't want to have such a transactional relationship.

It could also suggest indecisiveness, ie in the moment he was happy to pay but then doubted the decision.

Or there is the earlier point of him wanting to look like the big man to the waitress, only to then to send a mealy-mouthed request for the money later.

It's a shame as you say but none of these are great qualities.

I can only assume that people who don't know this are fellow tightwads who have never used their contactless enough the same day to have it happen to them.

I'd also be interested to know how much of the bill was actually her share, given it sounds from the OP that she ordered more dishes than him. Say £40 of the final bill was hers and the rest was his, she's the U one expecting him to cover it all. She's been asked, but hasn't said, which makes me suspect that's the case. Him then going halves would actually be a nice thing.

@Plumeface Exactly! It happened to me on holiday recently.

Yep, you can definitely screw up a transaction by taking the card away too soon. Just like if you took the card out too early after putting the pin in, during a chip-and-pin transaction.

OP offered to pay half. Date ended up paying full amount due to computer glitch. OP didn't immediately say she would transfer the money. Date had to ask for it. Date is probably thinking OP is a tightwad.
Imagine if the genders had been reversed…

Cost of living vibes- gives me the ick.

Transfer him is half, you agreed to go halves before your card was declined? I wouldn’t see him again as it sounds like money is very, very important to you and that he doesn’t have enough or is tight. You aren’t on the same page, it’ll be a constant battle. Totally agree! @BronwenTheBrave

Ffs it wasn't a computer glitch, all OP had to do was enter her pin which she immediately offered to do.

I'd say exactly the same if the genders were reversed.

She said she thinks he’s tight. Why would she think that if she didn’t expect him to pay for the first date.

Another one here who thinks he was probably embarassed so panicked and offered to pay then and there with the expectation of you paying him back.

I don't know whether you met him through online dating or not but a lot if women still expect men to pay for everything. If a bloke gets a date every weekend, that ends up being expensive. Women wanted equality, we got it so it's only fair that we to split bills on dates too. Can't have it both ways.

It’s definitely the man’s fault.

OP why didn’t you offer to transfer him the money straight away, you’d already agreed to go halves? You seem like the tight one?

I hate to contradict you but women do not have equality.

Because she thought he was offering to pay, otherwise he'd have just let her put her PIN in.

Because he (at least seemingly) offered to pay and then backtracked? If you make an offer and then retract it, it usually makes other people think less well of you than if you'd never offered at all.

I'd be very unimpressed by him leaping in waving his card around when it's perfectly commonplace that one card doesn't work and you need to use another. Definitely wanted to look like the big man paying to the waitress (who certainly wouldn't have given a shit). In the moment I hope I'd have been able to say "no, you don't need to do that" but if the OP was taken by surprise that's understandable.

However if the OP is really refusing to pay then the tight one is her. The original agreement was (correctly) to go halves and his weird behaviour doesn't negate that. I'd pay but probably not see him again.

I don't understand why you or the OP's date just jumped in to pay when you didn't actually want to.

As countless PPs have pointed out, it's common for contactless transactions to get declined the first time, and it's not embarrassing. You just try contactless again, or insert the card and type your PIN, or worst case scenario, use another card.

Even if none of those methods have worked, surely the right response is "shall I pay it and you can pay me back?" Or - if you definitely want another date and can afford to cover this one - "shall I get this and you pay next time?"

And actually the most distasteful element of this whole saga is the OP sneering at "cost of living vibes" in this thread. Gross. Grosser than him waving his card around. Maybe they're suited after all.

Tight bastard

Plumeface perhaps not, but enough to be able to earn and pay towards half of a restaurant bill.

Exactly! Why pay when you don't want to pay, especially when OP clearly said she just needed to put her PIN in. Bizarre behaviour.

Please don't, I'm imagining years of non stop bickering over minor things

Or maybe panicked and offered to pay. Either way OP’s cost of living vibes isn’t exactly covering herself in glory.
She also comes across as tight.
They agreed to go halves, her card was declined so he used his.

Except OP never objected to paying half (and has paid it!). What she was objecting to was the fact he said he would pay and then backtracked.

I'm seriously failing to understand why people are failing to grasp that.