He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

[whatasneezeyone]

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill

I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now

The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please'

And he tapped.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty.

I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

This would give me the ick far more than any bill splitting negotiations.

It's not a character flaw to be short of money.

Personally I'd give him another shot if you liked him otherwise and try figure out if he's tight or broke.

@Jc2001 no, that's not true. As other posters have said, sometimes the card does just decline. I'm sure mine does, although I don't remember ever reading exactly what it said

The waitress in this though, said something like 'sorry that hasn't gone through'

So I just said about having to enter my pin. Which happens every 50ish transactions I think

Yes they are declined. Mine gets declined. And the waiter told OP it didn't go through, which they often do - I've never had anyone say "you need to put your pin in", I work that one out for myself.

Have you mow paid??? You are being tight for not paying when asked (and orginal plan). Even if you dont see him again you should pay and delaying or making him ask again is reallly embarrassing and tight of you.

What embarrassment? This is a totally standard occurrence. He can’t get out much if he thought her card was declined.

I’m a woman but have been the man in this situation before. We’d agreed at the start of the meal to go halves, when it came time to pay his card was declining on contactless so I said ‘don’t worry I can get it’ because I felt sorry for him and didn’t want him to be embarrassed.
his half was about £35 quid which isn’t a lot of money but money better spent on my child/cat 😂 and I’m not super wealthy.

i didn’t ask for it back but that is because I wasn’t confident enough to 🫠

I certainly didn’t offer to make myself look good or save the day etc. I was just trying to be a nice human.

Another way to look at this is that he is trying to manage his money well. It might seem tight, but if he doesn’t earn much then he does need to be careful. It’s unfortunate that he offered to pay and then asked for the money, but I say give him another chance.

Is "declined" not the right word?

I thought any time the transaction didn't go through, it was called "declining". I know checkout staff have called it that, when I just had to put my PIN in.

He tried to help you out as your card was declined. Why should he pay all? Seems reasonable to me

It's not helping me out - the waitress was friendly and not standing there stamping their foot! I had time to just get my card and enter a PIN

Transferring money over to a new person via online banking takes twice as long or more, surely?

Why didn't you stop him then? Been assertive and said 'no, let me enter my pin first'?

FFS read the fucking first post! OP HAS PAID.

Have you mow paid??? You are being tight for not paying when asked (and orginal plan). Even if you dont see him again you should pay and delaying or making him ask again is reallly embarrassing and tight of you.

I said a few messages into this thread that I had sent over the amount straight away when he asked

You’re fine, OP, some people get kicks out of telling off women.

Another perspective is he paid to possibly save you the embarrassment but maybe expected you to at least offer to pay/transfer the money at some point. After all you did offer to split the bill.
If he’s good looking and dating lots, then that can add up!

It 100% wouldn’t bother me.

He is awful. Dump.

Can you link to that as it’s very unusual.

Ohh, he isn’t even asking for a round £30. Definitely chuck him back in the sea.

Sorry missed that.

People have different feelings towards money. Sounds like you might not be a good match for each other so absolutely don't see him again.

Agree, the op should have offered to pay him back immediately or said no that’s fine I will put my pin in.

if a man behaved as the op did there would be outrage.

Yeah I would use declined.
I actually now get a notification on my app when I use contactless and it doesn't work and it says "declined"
But I have plenty of money in there and it works as soon as I put the pin in. But my card is a dick and makes me enter my pin far more often than it should im sure. I also find in sainsbury's that if i hold the card near the machine longer it is more likely to work first time. So maybe it's just me moving the card away too quickly. I don't know.

It's really not.

Here you go. Top of the page.

https://www.halifax.co.uk/aboutonline/card-and-pin-services/contactless-cards.html

All the people telling OP to go on another date with him or otherwise defending him are somehow making me more certain the OP shouldn't!

I'd pay for the whole meal in order to never end up in a relationship with anyone that didn't know that there's a limit on the number of contactless transactions you can have. It's a basic anti-fraud measure. If you don't know about that, what other basic information do you lack?

What interests me is whether or not a tip was left for the waitress you mentioned. I suspect not, given the odd amount of the bill, in which case you are both being unreasonable.

Judging by some responses it looks like there are a few women who would happily date revenue guy and would find this random experience ok.

I wouldn’t. I hate setting up a new payee. It always takes me way longer than it should.