Page 11 | He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

whatasneezeyone · 2024-04-13T21:02:58+00:00

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣 I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa' Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please' And he tapped. He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll' The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?' So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty. I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

Janetime · 14/04/2024 08:01

coodawoodashooda · 14/04/2024 07:57

Omg this. He was keen to impress the waiter, not so fussed about you. That's exactly it.

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I don’t really agree. Her card was declined. There is no limit on how many times you can tap. The limit is purely on how much in any one transaction. So he was saving her embarrassment. Now she’s whinging she’s got to pay him back

Thriving30 · 14/04/2024 08:02

Sounds a bit awkward. Tbh this wouldn't really put me off though, we are in a cost of living crisis and you had agreed to paid your half. It is what it is.

NossyFramed · 14/04/2024 08:03

Surely the best thing to do when he paid would be for you to ask immediately- shall I transfer half to you, or shall I get the the next one?

Or for you to text first asking the same.

Plumeface · 14/04/2024 08:03

Janetime · 14/04/2024 08:01

I don’t really agree. Her card was declined. There is no limit on how many times you can tap. The limit is purely on how much in any one transaction. So he was saving her embarrassment. Now she’s whinging she’s got to pay him back

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Yes there are limits. Mine will only let me do a certain number of contactless payments before it asks me to put a PIN in - it's for security reasons in case someone nicks your card.

Flocke · 14/04/2024 08:04

My card is weird sometimes and tapping doesn't always work.
I've often tapped it and already put it away when the person says sorry that didn't work and i have to get it back out. So I don't know why some posters are asking why she didn't put her pin in immediately. So I can see how there was time for her to say sorry I'll need to put my pin in and by the time she'd got it out again he was already saying he'd pay.

I had a date once around my birthday. It was a third date. The guy said oh I'll take you out for your birthday to this nice pub I know! Lovely! For both the other dates we'd always paid for ourselves no problem.
After we'd had our meal (standard pub grub and one alcoholic drink each) and the bill came the guy said "halves as usual yeah?" while getting his card out.
That put me off. I assumed him saying he'd "take me out for my birthday" meant he'd be paying. Rightly or wrongly it put me off and I didn't see him again. If it had been his birthday I'd have paid. Yes I know maybe he couldn't afford it. But then he shouldn't had said "take me out for my birthday" and just organised a normal date. He could have just bought me a birthday drink instead or something.

EllaPaella · 14/04/2024 08:04

LondonFox · 14/04/2024 07:12

Nah bin him.
Of he is moaning about spendint too much on a first date and asking you to send half after he offered to pay?
I cannot see him as long term date.
He is suggesting another place alreafy?
Skint people should suggest walks in a park, not dates they cannot afford.
Cheap or very unreasonable with money.

He'd probably say the same about OP given her card got declined and she was the one who couldn't pay her way. Now moaning about having to transfer her share of the bill.
I don't buy the whole 'I tapped it too many times' thing - it would take two seconds to put the card in the machine and tap in a PIN number.

littleroundcircle · 14/04/2024 08:05

I would feel the same OP. His anxiety over getting his money back says that he's either very tight OR, despite working in what sounds like a very well paid job, he's SO skint he can't afford £31.22. Why would a young guy in a good job with no massive commitments (such as kids, family home etc) be living so hand to mouth? Alternatively he's just really tight with money. Either way, it raises some questions.

If you otherwise liked him, you could go on another date and see how it goes. It could have just been a weird one-off but to be honest, it doesn't sound like it.

Original poster

whatasneezeyone · 14/04/2024 08:07

He'd probably say the same about OP given her card got declined and she was the one who couldn't pay her way. Now moaning about having to transfer her share of the bill.

I could pay my way, comfortably

I just needed to enter my card ffs.

OP posts:

Zanatdy · 14/04/2024 08:11

You’re being unfair to this guy. It was probably a bit embarrassing when the card was declined for him, given society in general expects the man to pay. Maybe he shouldn’t have said it’s my treat but to not see him again as he hasn’t paid for the first date is ridiculous. Probably better for him if you don’t see him again. I bet there’s a lot of women out there who date multiple men for a free meal out every week.

muddyford · 14/04/2024 08:11

Transfer the money and move on. He said he'd get it and then asked for half!

Bookworm1111 · 14/04/2024 08:12

littleroundcircle · 14/04/2024 08:05

I would feel the same OP. His anxiety over getting his money back says that he's either very tight OR, despite working in what sounds like a very well paid job, he's SO skint he can't afford £31.22. Why would a young guy in a good job with no massive commitments (such as kids, family home etc) be living so hand to mouth? Alternatively he's just really tight with money. Either way, it raises some questions.

If you otherwise liked him, you could go on another date and see how it goes. It could have just been a weird one-off but to be honest, it doesn't sound like it.

Where was his anxiety over getting his money back? They'd agreed to split the bill, he sent his details. There was no begging message attached. How does that prove in anyway he's SO skint, as you put him.

If I were him, I wouldn't want to go on second date with her, sitting there giving off her 'cost of living gives me the ick' vibes.

butterpuffed · 14/04/2024 08:12

Perhaps he said 'I'll get this' to save you embarrassment . You are very critical of him anyway , saying he asked if they did chips and the fact that you had to choose the restaurant . How would you feel if he was on Dadsnet complaining about your behaviour to a bunch of strangers .

Plumeface · 14/04/2024 08:12

Zanatdy · 14/04/2024 08:11

You’re being unfair to this guy. It was probably a bit embarrassing when the card was declined for him, given society in general expects the man to pay. Maybe he shouldn’t have said it’s my treat but to not see him again as he hasn’t paid for the first date is ridiculous. Probably better for him if you don’t see him again. I bet there’s a lot of women out there who date multiple men for a free meal out every week.

It's not that she's annoyed he didn't pay for the first date, it's that he offered to pay and then backtracked later.

Are people deliberately being obtuse or are they unable to read?

CrispieCake · 14/04/2024 08:15

I would be very annoyed.

Besides everything else, it takes a few moments to pay on a card, it takes considerably longer to transfer money to a new payee so I'd be irritated that he'd jumped in unnecessarily.

NeedToChangeName · 14/04/2024 08:16

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt

Perhaps he was a bit hasty to pay, thinking he would save you potential embarrassment if your card was declined again. And asked for your share cos (1) you'd agreed to split the bill and (2) he's testing that you weren't trying it on, to trick him into paying

You knew there were funds in your account. He didn't know that. Even if you said it, doesn't mean it was true

susiedaisy1912 · 14/04/2024 08:16

imforeverblowingbuttons · 13/04/2024 22:08

He tried to help you out as your card was declined. Why should he pay all? Seems reasonable to me

This.

Plumeface · 14/04/2024 08:17

NeedToChangeName · 14/04/2024 08:16

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt

Perhaps he was a bit hasty to pay, thinking he would save you potential embarrassment if your card was declined again. And asked for your share cos (1) you'd agreed to split the bill and (2) he's testing that you weren't trying it on, to trick him into paying

You knew there were funds in your account. He didn't know that. Even if you said it, doesn't mean it was true

The kind of man who would leap to the conclusion a woman was trying to "trick" him into paying the bill is not the kind of man I'd have any interest in seeing again.

roses2 · 14/04/2024 08:18

If this has been posted on the bill splitting thread it would have got a totally different response!

Itsonlymashadow · 14/04/2024 08:19

I might have missed it, but how long between the date and him asking?

What do you manage by 'it's giving cost if living vibes'

ResidualHeat · 14/04/2024 08:19

Janetime · 14/04/2024 08:01

I don’t really agree. Her card was declined. There is no limit on how many times you can tap. The limit is purely on how much in any one transaction. So he was saving her embarrassment. Now she’s whinging she’s got to pay him back

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Her card wasn't declined, she just needed to enter her PIN. He made it an issue.

Howbizarre22 · 14/04/2024 08:20

Massive ick. Tight wad. Really lame he asked for the money.

SheepAndSword · 14/04/2024 08:21

Just don't see him again if you don't want to 🤷‍♀️

Dating IS expensive if you go out for meals and it might only be one date. Sounds like he was just trying to sort out the bill quickly but you misinterpreted that as him offering to pay for you as well.

LadyEloise1 · 14/04/2024 08:23

littlebitstuck2024 · 13/04/2024 22:08

I wouldn't see him again, he's too cringey. Nope! He made himself look generous in front of the waiter then went back on it later. I don't like stingy men. You said you were going to enter your pin to pay your half so why did he bother saying he'd pay when that wasn't his intention?

This 💯

Jc2001 · 14/04/2024 08:24

Plumeface · 14/04/2024 08:03

Yes there are limits. Mine will only let me do a certain number of contactless payments before it asks me to put a PIN in - it's for security reasons in case someone nicks your card.

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Yes but cards aren't declined under theses circumstances, they reader just asks the customer to insert the card.

The OP said her card was declined.

Original poster

whatasneezeyone · 14/04/2024 08:25

CrispieCake · 14/04/2024 08:15

I would be very annoyed.

Besides everything else, it takes a few moments to pay on a card, it takes considerably longer to transfer money to a new payee so I'd be irritated that he'd jumped in unnecessarily.

Exactly

OP posts: