He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

[whatasneezeyone]

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill

I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now

The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please'

And he tapped.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty.

I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

I don’t think he should have asked for the half and sent his bank details which is awkward, especially if there was definitely going to be a second date. Did you not get on well and give the impression that a second date was not guaranteed? If it was me though I would have asked him for his details first if there was a clear agreement at the beginning to pay half each, or I would have been insistent at the table about putting my pin in. Tbh this situation would put me off though. How did you even discuss paying half each in the conversation beforehand when arranging the first date? Just wondering how that would come up in conversation without being cringy.

YANBU. Sounds like he paid to show off to the waiter then backtracked. Tightness with money is a huge turn off for me, I'd not be seeing him again, even though he had Michael Keaton vibes.

Nah bin him.
Of he is moaning about spendint too much on a first date and asking you to send half after he offered to pay?
I cannot see him as long term date.
He is suggesting another place alreafy?
Skint people should suggest walks in a park, not dates they cannot afford.
Cheap or very unreasonable with money.

I think he said this to avoid further hassle and embarrassment with the waiter. It was an in the moment thing, so he may not have articulated it well, but I assume he meant ‘just let me sort it for the moment til you get your card sorted’.

OP, what would you do if the opposite had happened?
I think how tight he is is not defined by him asking about your share of the money as agreed is defined by him saying I may try it another day, I've spend enough already.
I think he is very money focused just by that sentence and it would put me off.

This

I was with you op until you said this. The cost of living crisis is not a vibe ffs. Some people are genuinely struggling. Maybe this guy is too

I can kind of see both sides of this. I'd find it a bit offputting, but on the other hand, maybe he's worried about money right now and just wanted to get the situation resolved at the time. I guess it would depend how much I liked him otherwise. If I liked him a lot, I'd let it go, but if it was one of several small annoyances, I'd take it as a sign we were not right for each other.

Surely if the card doesn't go through contactless the machine prompts for the pin, the waiter would have the machine, and you'd insert card and type in one swift move. Unless he lunged at the machine with his card in between? It feels like you must have hesitated a bit, so maybe he assumed you were broke? It could well be that he's broke himself also.
Would you be up for seeing him again, if you took the situation with the bill away?
Could you have said I'd like to go to x, how about I'll pay for us both as you treated me to the sushi? I guess it's done now. It sounds like it's irredeemably irked you. But if it's just that he's not got much money, is that such a terrible thing?

Maybe he meant ‘let me get this’ knowing that you’d already agreed to go halves, and to save any more faffing, he just paid, I would’ve transferred, or at least offered to transfer my half over as we’d agreed.

I think this is the crux of it. It's not about him swooping in with the card or asking to split the bill like they'd agreed, it's because he may not have enough money for her tastes going forward. It's financial snobbery.

Oh god that’s a huge turn off OP.

Going back years now but I was asked out on a date by a guy that had been trying and trying to get me to go out with him for weeks.

I finally relented and met up with him in a pub near my work. I walked in and he was standing at the very busy bar. We exchanged pleasantries etc … The barman looks at us and asks us what we want - he goes all quiet. So I order my drink then ask him what he wants and he goes “ooooh I’ll have a point of carlsberg please. I’ll go find us a table. Thanks” So he left me to not only pay the bill but carry the drinks back and have to find him in a dark packed pub. I was a lot younger so just quietly seethed but no matter how the date had gone after that, there was no way I was going out with him again. Awful manners.

This. It would make me think that he's the kind of man who will present one version of himself to the outside world and another version to you when you're alone.

Also, I wouldn't be happy with how he phrased the message, to me it reads as if you didn't attempt to pay and were not there with your card ready. At the least I would respond by asking why he overrode your attempt to pay if it was such an issue.

He clearly meant get it in the moment so as not to mess with cards. I don’t understand posters who think he’s the tight one, when the op doesn’t wish to pay her way as agreed and wants to bin him off as he didn’t pay for her.

Did you transfer? If not you seem tight for not immediately paying your half once asked. He was trying to save you any awkwardness and paid now pay him back as splitting bill was agreed.

Or she could've been more forceful in stopping him in saying no, let me just enter my pin.

I'd be fine with it.
You agreed to split then it looked like your card declined and maybe he stepped in to spare you embarrassment at the restaurant.
That doesn't mean you don't need to pay him back. It's not mean to not pay for someone else's meal.

Why didnt you put your PIN in straight away in this scenario as soon as your card declined? I would have, I wouldn't have given the opportunity for him to pay it in full regardless of what he said, as we had already agreed what we were paying.

I think you sound very mean after your cost of living vibes comment, abit stuck up. I didn't see that one earlier.

Maybe you have loads of money in the bank and aren't experiencing "cost of living vibes" because you go on dates, order a load of food, offer to pay but then the card 'declines'. Man pays to spare you the embarrassment but you feel annoyed after when he's asked for his share.

He could also have been concerned you were in it for a free meal? I'd say sushi is on the pricier side for a first date, who chose the restaurant? So maybe he suddenly got the fear after your card was 'declined'. I would say most people struggle financially for at least some of the month.
He could of course just be the tightest git known to mankind who refuses to eat anything but cold beans out of a tin when at home, despite being on six figures, lol.

This sums it up. No second chance. This is not about the money it's about an ego.

Where did you eat!?

The last time I went out for sushi with one person other person we spent £150!

Omg this. He was keen to impress the waiter, not so fussed about you. That's exactly it.

From his point of view.. your card was declined. He saved you further embarrassment by paying. To be fair you're the one who couldn't pay in the restaurant and now you're the one who is moaning about having to pay your half. It's clear you aren't happy about being asked to pay your share of the bill.

What did he suggest in his text for a next date ?

OP said she suggested it.