Prostitute checked into our hotel!

[GrumpyL]

Ok, so away in London for a couple of days with DH and DD (10). We were staying in a 4* Hotel which is part of a large chain of hotels, not a small independent. We went to reception about 10.30 on the 2nd morning and was met with a lady (who was very obviously a prostitute) being told her room would be ready in 5 mins and her handing over £100 in cash to the receptionist. The hotel is £250+ a night and check in is 3pm!

AIBU to this this made the hotel feel a bit icky and sleazy after I saw that? Husband and I spoke briefly when DD wasn’t listening and he said “well they have to work somewhere!”. Not sure if I’m turning into a prude in my old age, but I really didn’t feel comfortable in the hotel after I saw that. I’m sure for her, it was a safe and comfortable place to work and I know this goes on in hotels, I suppose just seeing it in broad daylight shocked me a bit. We knew what she was there for, the receptionist knew what she was there for, the man behind us in the queue knew what she was there for, maybe I thought she and the hotel should have been a bit more discreet if they allow this to go on in their hotel, especially when it’s a family friendly hotel and there were a lot of children around?

And had red handbags. And my mum (in her late 70s) is sure that anyone who wears nail polish on their toenails is a bit sleezy..

This 😂

I'm just popping back to link to Reem Alsalem's recent report on prostitution and violence against women and girls for all the 'sex work is work' lot

https://documents.un.org/doc/undoc/gen/g24/078/81/pdf/g2407881.pdf?token=c5UHKjx2GM3LfmSdFD&fe=true

Just the terminology section is rather damning:

The term “prostitution” itself is not defined in international law. 3 The concept of prostitution, and the associated terminology, are contentious and polarizing. Confused translations, lack of clear definitions and euphemisms have added a layer of complications. The terminology used in the present report is based on the understanding of prostitution as a system of violence, 4 which reduces women and girls to commodities. It is a system of inequality and discrimination based on sex and other intersecting grounds, which affects a woman’s ability to achieve equality. Three groups of actors take part in this system: individuals – usually men and boys – who buy sexual acts; individuals – usually women and girls – who are bought to satisfy these sexual acts; and third parties who organize, or profit or benefit from prostituting the latter group. The term “prostitution system” reflects the Special Rapporteur’s findings that prostitution is intrinsically linked to different forms of violence against women and girls and constitutes a form of violence in and of itself. Pornography is understood to be filmed prostitution, 5 and is also covered in the present report

OP I know what you mean as it's happened to me.
I stayed at a hotel on the North Circular and there was no receptionist after 10 and prostitutes came in to the hotel and 'worked' in the room next to me.
There were also women in cars outside the hotel and in cars, it was a horrible atmosphere and although nothing happened to me I felt a bit unsafe as it's a dreadful trade and ran by violent men.

I don't think you were unreasonable, OP, and if it was a large chain you were staying at I don't imagine management would be impressed with staff accepting cash payments to rent a room for an hour or two. I'd contact head office and tell them exactly what happened: there will be CCTV.

I also refuse to accept the concept of 'sex work.' I think it's a whitewashing phrase designed to make the whole business of prostitution, sex trafficking and the suffering of millions of women worldwide look respectable. I see prostitution as part of the systematic oppression and degradation mainly of women.

No, no one who knows anything about this subject calls prostituted women sex workers any more.

No mother, looking at her child, hopes that when she grows up she'll make a career of having sex with strangers for money. Resorting to prostitution, or being trafficked or forced into it, is not something that anyone would want for anyone they love.

Here is a conclusion.
Please feel free to jump to it

Apart from the sex workers themselves, that is. I have yet to meet a sex worker (and I have met an awful lot) who uses the term 'prostituted women', and most find the assumption they have no agency and can't make decisions for themselves offensive.

What would they know about it all, though?

All the women I know involved in helping women escape prostitution call it prostitution & refer to the women involved as prostituted women. There is a reason the want to escape & why escape is hard.

Exactly, Sharon. Calling it sex work and make it sound just like any other work means that people can turn a blind eye to the dreadful damage it does to the women involved. I think the term 'sex work' was originally developed in order to make the a very sordid, damaging, violent, exploitative, dangerous activity seem more dignified and to offer prostituted women some dignity. The dignity is fake, but it enables the cool girls of Mumsnet to talk about sex work as if it's something they'd be happy to encourage their daughters into.

Just saw this come up on Twitter: The UN has issued this call for prostitution to be recognised as systematic violence against women and girls:

www.ohchr.org/en/press-releases/2024/06/special-rapporteur-urges-global-action-recognise-and-combat-prostitution

Yes, I imagine that if I was being pimped out or trying to retain some dignity while having to give smelly men blow jobs in cars in order to pay the rent, I would prefer to call myself a sex worker in order to protect my dignity and try to pretend that my situation wasn't as dangerous and horrible as it actually is.

I've nothing but sympathy and concern for women involved in prostitution. Having been involved in local groups trying to support women to escape from the cycle of deprivation, addiction and control that so many are caught in, I'm not going to dignify what they experience as 'sex work' and make it seem as acceptable as being an admin assistant at the council. It's not.

We need to be very careful about calling it work. I can't remember the exact details but I think in Germany there was an issue with women having the threat of their benefits removed if they refused to take a 'job' in the sex industry

Yes I saw that. Along with the disgusting rapey and dehumanising “reviews”

'I also refuse to accept the concept of 'sex work.' I think it's a whitewashing phrase designed to make the whole business of prostitution, sex trafficking and the suffering of millions of women worldwide look respectable. I see prostitution as part of the systematic oppression and degradation mainly of women.'

Aren't you clever!

I'm fairly clever, yes, thank you. Not a rocket scientist, but not stupid.
If you read the UN report I linked to you might learn something. That's how I got more clever. By reading and thinking seriously about things, and not letting people bully me into adopting fashionable but misguided opinions. Try it, it might suit you too.

And extremely superior too!

I'm thrilled for you, you clever clever girl.

I guess superior is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it? If you look at me and feel I'm superior, what does that say about you and your self-esteem?

Perhaps if you stopped trying to cut other women down to your own size and read a UN report on violence against women and girls and had a real think about the subject, I wouldn't seem so superior to you. I'm not superior to you, obviously, I just see things differently and you don't like that.

But I appreciate that it's easier to be snide than to do a bit of reading and thinking and disagreeing in an adult, constructive way.

Patronising someone who has linked useful information and is clearly concerned about the exploitation and commodification of women's bodies is not a good look.

Trying to demean them by calling them a clever girl as though they are a dog is frankly horrid.

You should apologise to @LetsTalkTwaddle. You can argue your point without resorting to such nasty behaviour can't you?

I can, yes. I'm just not inclined to. I won't be drained by women like you or your mate.

Who let the pimp in?

Ok.

I cannot patronise you without your permission and I do not care at all about how you think I look.

You don't seem superior to me. Your attitude gives away your superior view of yourself.

Seeing 'things differently' is fine and I have done my reading, thanks.

What you and your mate either don't realise or don't care about is that your superior attitude and insistence on using words like prostitute, prostitution and prostituted, increases the stigma suffered by women and girls in sex work and places them in even more danger.

Your words are harmful to them. You are increasing, in your words, 'the suffering of millions of women worldwide'.

But please enjoy linking articles and exercising your right to refer to others using nasty misogynistic language.

At one time I would have locked you into a three day argument with pleasure but I know your behaviour and unkind language towards sex workers will continue regardless.

I'll just repeat again for anyone who's come in on the middle of this: I and the majority of people who campaign for the Nordic model (criminalising the men who buy sex and not the women who sell sex) don't use the phrases sex work and sex workers because they fail to acknowledge the exploitative nature of the activity, or the sheer abuse inherent within the business of buying and selling and abusing women's bodies. The phrases sex work and sex workers have enabled men/ punters to argue that prostitution is a valid career choice. It's not for millions living in sex slavery, trafficked and exploited.

This 100%. Excellent analysis. The selling of sex in a public place is a criminal offence in the UK, resulting in women being prosecuted for the same ‘crimes’ over and over again, which impacts them in all sorts of ways and makes it very difficult to escape their situation. Meanwhile men can’t be prosecuted unless it can be proved that they are engaging the services of a woman who has been trafficked. The most they can be prosecuted for is kerb crawling and most get off with a slap on the wrist. Prostitution in the vast majority of cases, is not a valid career choice, and trying to sanitise it by calling it sex work is doing a massive disservice to those who are trafficked and exploited.

This is utter bollocks. And you urgently need to educate yourself.