Should I have expected my wife to answer?

[Reddca]

Getting ready to take DS out; I am down stairs getting ready and wife is in the kitchen, we are in separate but adjoining rooms. DS, who is up stairs, calls as he needs help with something.

I ask my wife if she can go upstairs and help DS but she doesn’t answer. I wait and then ask again and still no answer. I go upstairs and help DS.
Then I have a moan at DW for not answering my question. She claims that I should have know that she was busy and shouldn’t have asked.

I said, I didn’t know how long she was going to be and a simple yes or no would have been enough.

instead of descalating the situation, I continued to moan at her for not answering, and she went back to bed upset at me and left the house angry at her.

we were meant to see a house today but she doesn’t want to go.
its not the first time she has ignored a question when she thinks i should know the answer.
was I being reason?

Why are your needs greater than your wife’s?

You shouldn't "expect" anything from your DW. That is taking her for granted.
Sounds like you treat her as your servant. Why is what you are doing more important than what she is?

You heard your son; you should respond yourself.

As for moaning instead of deescalating the situation you caused, you already know the answer. You are behaving as a sulking childish twat. Grow up and be an adult. Model better behavior to your child. Be respectful and kind to your dear wife.

Assume a reverse? Which is tedious. Yes she should have answered. But he should have just gone and done whatever it was without asking.

I will always answer if she asks me a question. Ignoring someone is in my opinion cruel, even if you think their question is stupid.

I didn’t say they were; I was getting myself ready, just finished a shower. I didn’t known what she was doing in the kitchen, if it was washing hands or doing something else. I just asked her to respond to my question.

@Reddca You are creating unnecessary problems to excuse yourself from having to do something you should be doing yourself.

Well congratulations op, you’re clearly the better spouse.

And ‘cruel’ is a very odd word to describe someone not answering you when you call out. Don’t you think it’s ‘cruel’ to shout at your partner from another room, rather than speak to them in person in a respectful manner?

Honestly, this is all so pathetic I’m sure it must be a wind up.

Ignore the sulky drama queen.

I'm assuming as you were taking your your son out and she was happy to head to bed safe in the knowledge you'd be default parent this is her normal shitty attitude to parenting.

What does she bring to the relationship

I didn’t shout at her.

Seems like a big fuss about nothing to me.

She claims that I should have know that she was busy and shouldn’t have asked.

Either she’s weird or she is absolutely at the end of her rope with you not being able to do one simple thing yourself without roping her into it. Either making her do the whole job, part of the job, or bearing admiring witness to you doing the job, or she is sick of you trying to delegate ordinary life like you are her manager and seem incapable of delegating the “wait a minute” task to your dc without first going around the room and hearing everybody’s ideas going forward thinking outside the box.

Overall, yes, a response would be appropriate and its rude not to reply. But the way you write and the obsession with this one thing makes me wonder if there is more to this.

I know that it was not unusual for "us" to be getting ready to go out but what that actually happening was dh was getting himself ready and I was doing everything else from getting myself and the kids ready, doing any extra prep work eg if we were taking a salad to a family bbq, doing the quick tidy up/dishwasher load that would stop us coming home to a complete mess etc etc etc.

So if one of the dc wanted something and he had asked me to do it because he was still in the shower, I would probably have ignored him too!

How old is your son anyway? That seems quite important as to whether he could be asked to just hang on a minute as you were just out of the shower.

What a pedantic response. I’ll rephrase - ‘don’t you think it’s cruel to call out to your partner, rather than address them in person in a respectful manner’.

Honestly… absolutely pathetic behaviour from all adults involved.

@Reddca so she is in the kitchen? you have had a shower in the downstairs bathroom and are now getting ready? in adjoining rooms? are you dressing in the living room?

No, how did you jump to that? Bedroom.

I can’t see where is says op is a ‘bloke’.

Reverse @Reddca?

This

Lol

The chances of it being a same sex couple with a child is ‘incredibly small’?

What century are you living in?

ETA My original point about not knowing if it was a ‘bloke’ or not, clearly illustrates that some of us are basing our responses on it being either sex.

Why couldn't you go and see to your child the first time?

I'm sure you could have made the quick assumption that whatever your wife was doing was equally important to her, as getting ready was to you.

I am the same.

Okay so you’ve just got out the shower and hear your child call for help with something, you ask DW ‘X needs a hand, are you busy?’ and she doesn’t reply. You get dry, perhaps brush your teeth, and ask again if she’s busy. No reply. She can hear you but rather than say ‘no I’m unloading the dishwasher/emptying the bin/washing up’ she expects you to know she’s busy, without you seeing this or her confirming it?

Very baffled this has caused a whole argument rather than her just saying ‘I’m in the middle of X’ and you saying okay cool I’ll finish Y and go. What’s the bigger issue here?